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Being An Abandoned Child of this World





 
Being An Abandoned Child of this World

As we grow as Christians often times we discover things about us that need to be cleansed, healed and made new. It is that time for me as God has been engineering my circumstances so this issue of Abandonment can be brought to the surface.

Last Friday I was at my Growth Group and expressing fear over this election and our leader followed me into the kitchen and asked if I had been abused as a child. Whoa! Wait a minute, of course I wasn't I had a fairly good childhood. I right away said no and went on my way. But his words kept reverberating in my head and all of a sudden I realized I had lied. You, see, I did suffer abuse, not by my family, but by two, very sick men. It happened in my early teen years and for some reason I think I wasn't a child then, but I was. One a heroin addict twice my age and then another fellow whom used to beat me severely, at one point he kicked my face into the dashboard of a car, chipped my tooth and may have killed me had not others came to my rescue. OK, yes I was abused.

I approached my leader on Sunday and told him how perceptive he was and how I, unwittingly lied to him when I answered. He told me I need to forgive those situations and, really I feel I have. I truly feel I have been healed and restored. So then as I spoke I said you know what I am suffering from? It is abandonment fears, that is where this comes from. I was adopted, and as soon as I was aware of this, I felt different, weird, not normal. My father, whom I adored more than anything in this world left my mom, when I was 14 and that coincides right when I made myself vulnerable to hurtful men, for the reason of being abandoned by the very man I loved so much. I tried to transfer that love to the wrong people, to ones whom used me and inflicted harm, instead of those who would chose to love and cherish me. My mom had found out about the 34 year old heroin addict and instead of going after him, she sent me to my aunt in California, to me that was more rejection, where I met abuser #2. My aunt found out about abuser #2 and instead of going after him, kicked me out at the age of 17, legally emancipated me where I suffered abuse and pain until I moved back to my Dad at the age of 20.

I, also, believe, I have honestly forgiven each person whom I felt abandoned me but I still have this irrational fear of abandonment. My leader said God meant for you to be abandoned, for He is working greater good out of it. And it still hurts, it still hurts and makes me cry.

It is this fear that I am so careful around family so they won't reject me, so they won't leave me again. I am careful with my words. Well, last week I felt a boldness that I have not felt before and I put myself out there, let the guard down and WHAM! Rejection. My cousin told me that I am basically a person whom she chooses not to associate with and my aunt told my mom that my aunt and uncle are basically writing me off just like that! I ask myself, why does that hurt so much and I as I walk through it, I see it. Then yesterday, my mom has cancer surgery and I am so afraid I will lose her. The surgery took way, too long. Finally, they called us, but instead of like last time,when the doctor comes out, they take my brother and I back to a little room and I start crying because I thought I had lost my mom. You see, when my parents go, that's it, I have no heritage, no family, alone. But, the doctor came in and said she is fine, the surgery went well, she is OK.

Well my fear is unfounded when it comes to our great God, for I have His promises. Hebrews 13:5-6 But when my irrational fear comes up, I think He will. That God will leave me, too! And that is why I fear the election, that God will abandon me. And leave me with a leader who will inflict harm on my family and myself. I read His promises, I believe them with my head, but heart still fears.

Psalm 27:10

I am now adopted into a new family, that will not perish from this earth, but be for all eternity. I am adopted into a family whom will not leave me and I struggle to get that knowledge from my head to my heart. ALL my family is unsaved; from my parents to my brother, to his wife and her family, my aunts, uncles cousins of which I have very few. ALL are unsaved and I marvel at God. Why me? Why me out of the whole bunch do I receive this great gift of Salvation? It boggles my mind. But God in His infinite Wisdom is working out His purposes. SO though my family of this world may reject me, God has not and has brought me into a family that shall never perish. I am not rejected, nor forsaken, nor abandoned and God wants be to understand that to the very depths of my soul. It is for this good purpose that my growth group leader said to me the unthinkable so that I can get this out in the light and receive healing for once and for all. That what I know in my head can reach my heart and I can be freed from the fear for once and for all. May God be glorified.

Blessings!

Andrea

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Joyce Bethy Ferguson+ (@bethy)

  Andrea, I too know what it is like when a mom neglects to go after the abuser. The feelings of being let down do take a long time to recover from.

But know this; he who sits above the circle of the earth will keep you.
I can't honestly say that the hurt will ever go, but the one who comforts in that hurt never leaves.
Beth


Anna Jones (@annajones)

  Andrea, first off I want to say, Praise the Lord for your Mom making it thur the surgery ok, but by all means after reading this blog,will I be in prayer for you and your family, for God to convict where conviction needs to happen. I to have family members that need salvation, but also with you marvel at the fact that God has been so good to me. And our families to can receive this wonderful thing that happen on calvary, no matter how good or bad we are in life , God has made a way of escape. My hope and prayer is that God will contiune to show you that he will NEVER leave us nor forsake us. If we just call on his name he is there, we have so many promises in his word for us to live by, and that is one of the most wonderful ones. That I know,is that he is always there no matter where we are, his right there waiting on us the believe he can do all things. Again I will be in prayer much for your lost loved ones,cause for God so loved the world that he gave his only forgottan son, that no one should perish. Andrea God is Able!... love AJ


Linda Young (@savedbyegrace)

  Andrea, you are a strong and amazing woman to be as successful, as godly, as loving as you are with that background. Praise God! It is interesting that even this morning I sat down in my quiet time with an amazing book I was gifted with "Prayer Portions" by Sylvia Gunther (available at her website, I think it's myfathersbusiness.com -- anyhoo, I turned to the page with a alphabetical listing of "My Father's Abba-Heart" and prayed. I have struggled for years to understand that God loves me due to my childhood and teenage and young adult experiences. I frankly have learned that men, fathers, are mean-spirited, arbitrary, not trustworthy and to be feared. I have abandonment fears as well. I am in no way trying to defend your caregivers who did not protect you but rather "abandoned" you duirng the times you were abused. But sinners respond sinfully to sin . . . I suggest they flat didn't know how to handle it or what to do, so they buried their head in the sand. For all we know, the event itself triggered a memory from their own childhood they could not face. And you're right. It just flat out hurts. Jesus was rejected, betrayed and abandoned too, by those He loved most. We do have a High Priest who understands completely. Thanks for sharing. I suspect that you have ministered to someone reading your blog that you will not know about until heaven. Gracie


Albert Bunyea (@bubbavela)

  Andera, thank you for sharing what must have taken alot of courage to share. The Lord does tell us that we will be forsaken by those of this world, that we will even be hated as He was. It is sad when we realize that some of those we love are of this world, but you have to praise God for the conformation of your acceptance into His world. He promises never to abandon you. Somehow I believe you believe Him. I would like to put you at ease about this election. You know our Lord chose12 disciples and one of those was the evil. Many claim that was a mistake,and tell us He shouldn't have chosen him. God knows what He is doing. While we sit in darkness about what lies ahead, we must trust our Lord to know what is best for us. He understands all things, since He has chosen someone other then the one we chose doesn't mean anything except we do not know what lies ahead. Jn 21: 20 Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, "Lord, who is going to betray you?") 21 When Peter saw him, he asked, "Lord, what about him?" 22 Jesus answered, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me." What is it to us who our Lord chooses to led those of this world? We must follow Him. Love, bubba


Lisa Jones (@shekinahglory67)

  Andrea, your message really ministered to me, for I felt that I was really the only person struggling with parenal rejection. Both of my parents abandoned me, I was molested by my mother's boyfriend, she did nothing, I became pregnant by a guy in my teens, he dumped me, went to my dad, alcoholic, the stress was so bad, I moved in with a "Christian" friend of my mom's who used me for the little pittance that I recieved for my child and when I spoke up, she threw me and my child out. I went back to her later, bcause I really had no where else to go, went back to mother, she abused me with my newborn. I ended up with this womans son, married him and though they were christians, i became one or so I thought, The marriage has been abusive, I have been abandoned, and now he has someone else while I played the stay at home mother. Abandoned once again. I donlt have any extended family and my kids are all grown, and much to busy, and I often ask the Father was it His will for me to experience so much pain and neglect. I don't think so. The word says, "When my mother and father forsake me, the Lord will take me up" and I must confess that even though I have experienced so much pain. God has and will continue to take care of me. i will admit that I do acknowledge my choices and sin that have contributed to some of my anguish(fornication) seeking out men to love me. As my husband leaves, the enemy wants me to dothe same thing, seek out another man. I refuse, only God will I seek.



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