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FINDING HER WAY BACK HOME... the ending

HE CAME AND SHE FOUND HER WAY BACK HOME...

She could see his hands when she closed her eyes. She could almost taste the tobacco that clung to every fibre in his clothes. You would have thought that tobacco smoke would have made her ill, but it didn't. She sat this night, in her kitchen, watching the smoke filter through her fingers.
The girl studied her hands, she hated hands. They caused so much damage. She needed to escape from the memories, she needed to escape from herself. She hated herself. She hated how she looked and how she dressed. She hated her voice and her body. The girl was filled with self loathing and she needed to escape. And the voice seemed silent tonight. She could only hear that other voice. The one that told her to swallow and release the pain. She almost believed that voice, but it held no love. It was a cold voice, a bitter voice, but she was listening.
The girl played with the pills. She counted them, 1,2,3,4,..36,37,38.. into two neat rows. She watched them as if they had magical powers. But they lay still and silent. Impartial observers to her final act. They looked so innocent lined up like litttle red soldiers, waiting for the command to go to war.
Ahh she was at war. But she didn't know that she had a champion who had already won that war for her. She had stopped listening to that voice of her Jesus. It made her ashamed of herself so she hid. But she could not hide, and tonight as the tears fought their way to the surface she broke down in submission. She could not even do it. She hated herself for not having the courage to swallow. She heard the taunts.. you are useless, ugly, filthy, unwanted,unloved... oh she heard that voice all right. It was the other voice she needed. The other voice she cried out too. But where was it? Where had it gone?. The girl started to swallow..1,2,3,... "I have loved you with an everlasting love"...4,5.. "come to me and I will give you rest". She cried out to this voice. Her tears coursed down her face, her body shook with the violence of the sobs. She went to bed...
It was that night he came calling. Silently,gently and lovingly. She knows it was not a dream, she knows he was there. He came while she slept. He picked her up and set her in his lap. He held her all night, stroking her hair, telling her she was beautiful and she was his. The girl could feel the love from her comforter. It was something she had never felt before.. A little girl needs to be taken into their dads lap and loved. She never knew that feeling before now. But tonight she was held. She could hear the other voice clearly now. It told her that an eternity of this love was waiting for her. It told her of a love so great that she would never want to run from it. It spoke of a fathers love and a fathers sacrifice. And as the girl cried out to her God for release he reminded her how he had reached out to her, how he was still reaching out to her.
The girl awoke the next morning, her pillow saturated with her tears, and her heart aching. Please let me sleep again she pleaded. She tried to turn over and sleep, she closed her eyes and prayed to return to that place in her dreams.
But there was no going back in time, what was gone was gone. The girl had a choice to make..

posted: 04/14/2009 02:45am by bethy
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Author Details:

Author: bethy
Location: Belfast United Kingdom
Gender: Female
Age: 42
Blog Entries: 61 (archive)
Blog Comments: 881

My Biography:

if i were only allowed to claim one regret in life it would be that i did not turn to christ as a much younger person. the regrets that i now have would neer have materialised, the pains that i caused would not have happened, and i would not have... view full biography

My Testimony:

mt testimony begins on the day i found christ. before that i count my life as lost and gone . christ took all things within me and made them new. he restored my soul and gave me full access to him. he feeds me, sustains me, scolds me, and fulfills... view full testimony

Recent Blogs Readers:

My Recent Blogs:

Ice road trucker...
nothing else matters...
it was not my fault....
Redressing the Imbalance...
for walking my road...
keeping an eye on me....
I am who I am...
my words are in vain...
Feeling like Winnie the P...
pondering the many hidden...

My Closest Friends:


umm, what do i say but whoah...
what a blog.
x

  Posted 04/14/2009 03:11am
Author: shanijane

Oh yes, a girl so desperately needs to be taken up into her father's lap and loved.
I'm waiting with anticipation for the next part.

Blessings!

K :princess:

  Posted 04/14/2009 04:44am
Author: kreynolds

wow that was amazing
A little girl needs to be taken into their dads lap and loved.


I love that feeling to know Jesus is by my side, holding me through my darkest nights, whispering His love to me.

Thank you for the blessing!

-Laurie

  Posted 04/14/2009 08:35am
Author: childofjesus

Bethy,

I am deeply moved by this. very deeply. Like others, I want to hear the part 2...

We who visit this site KNOW the love and blessings, the comfort and hope given to us by our Heavenly Father and the Son. Jesus wraps us in His arms when we need it most. As a father should, we need not ask for this, it is a glorious act of love.

I cannot understand any earthly father who does not love his childern, who does not revel in being able to take them on his lap, to calm and comfort them. To just love 'em to pieces.

Yet, I know that there are fathers who do not. It grieves me...

Such a father not only harms the child, immeasurably, but misses one of the greatest blessings we humans can have... to love our children.

Thank you, bethy...

Art
Alive in the Word

  Posted 04/14/2009 10:24am
Author: aliveintheword

Bethy... you do have a Part 2 yeah???
What choice does she make??

hehehe

Loved it

From
Esther

  Posted 04/15/2009 12:34am
Author: lfjoito

Holding my breath and waiting ...

  Posted 04/15/2009 04:16am
Author: savedbyegrace

Holding my breath and waiting ...

  Posted 04/15/2009 04:16am
Author: savedbyegrace

Please oh please... I hate this, I wanna know... I'm so impatient. When will you finish this?

wow...

  Posted 04/15/2009 05:46am
Author: girlforgod

clever bethy! pass the tissues!

  Posted 04/15/2009 08:30am
Author: blackrose65

Bethy, so glad you came home. Be blessed and continue to be a blessing here.

  Posted 04/15/2009 08:57am
Author: ptl2008

Great blog ..Beth. I to need to crawl sometimes in the lap of my Jesus and just cry. I Love you Lord... AJ

  Posted 04/15/2009 12:53pm
Author: annajones

good job bethy! Like many others I am wondering if there is a part 2. I am on the edge of my seat waiting for the rest. Oh, I hope she chooses the path to God. I just love the feeling of sitting in my Fathers lap. He is my comforter. angel

  Posted 04/16/2009 12:20pm
Author: angelita

It sounds like maybe she had faded off into the arms of evil only to be snatch out by the hands of Her father. I assume that He still holds her now in those peaceful moments that she cherishes being with Him. It is wicked these moments of long suffering. These moments when loving your neighbor as much as you do yourself would bring harm to your neighbor. We look at ourself with contempt for what we have made it, this life of ours. When we look at our souls and realize how much we have disappointed everyone around us. We pray our Lord to come and take our wretched life from us, praise God He does. Then all of a sudden evil is left holding on to nothing, for our Father shows up just in time to save us from our wretched self. He's not kidding when He says He will leave the 99 to go and search for the one. Praise God that He found her in time. Now look at her how happy she must be, living in this world that is sorrounded by Love, welcome home Bethy been missing you, now walk among those still seeking that hand to reach out for them and spread your beautiful and loving life with them.

Blessings,
bubba

  Posted 04/16/2009 05:03pm
Author: bubbavela

Oh Bethy ... I loved it there, I love it here. Really moving stuff.

He makes it all better, yeh? I'm proud of you, sis.

~m~

  Posted 04/18/2009 06:04am
Author: ilovehimso

Great Blog!... Ive actually felt this way many moons ago...To want to go back to sleep to get back into that dream!...it was when I was saved and crying large tears (only way I can explain it)...That AWESOME feeling of the Holy Spirit coming upon me then it seemed to subside... I was upset thinking the Spirit has left me... But it wasnt true!...I naively left HIM after a couple of years... And like the prodigal son Im back in Love with JESUS CHRIST... Yahooooo! and Amen

  Posted 04/19/2009 07:21am
Author: coldapplianceman

How can I thank each and every one of you for your kind thoughts on this my blog. I could give an Oscar speech but I would fear leaving someone out... and that would be a tragedy.
BUT you all have touched my heart by your reading and your understanding of the issues. For the issue was not of a loveless childhood, for like most families then, parents did what they could. It was never about a parent . Rather it was about Victory over the Evil one. It was about How God turns a tortured life and holds it in his grace and mercy. It was about pains which I will never write about in a blog, trying to destroy the wonderful life God had set forth from the foundation of the world.
It was about God and his infinite Love and compassion... It was all about HIM..

but I shall write a part 2.. just not sure when.. but I will.. promise.
You all have my heart you know, and there was me thinking I didn't have one anymore..

  Posted 04/21/2009 02:12am
Author: bethy

Beth I know you have the only one that counts in this life...He's name is JESUS...Love u AJ

  Posted 04/21/2009 08:17am
Author: annajones

He is Faithful, He is Faithful, He is faithful!!!!!!

The woman took a deep breath and walked slowly into the water. She gasped at the cold that licked at her ankles. She was thankful for the cold of the water, for it kept her focused on what she was about to do. She took a step, the water covered her knees. Oh how many nights had the woman spent on her knees crying out to the voice that called to her? How many times had she believed that the voice had gone silent.
But tonight she would put all that to rest; tonight she was going to finish it. She had to finish it; she could see no other way. There was no other way.
Very carefully the woman touched the surface of the water. She knew that in a few short moments she would be at one with the water, she would be at peace.
Standing there, the light shone on the water, glittering like a thousand stars in the sky, beckoning her down, down below the surface, down to peace, down to freedom.

Her tears started to flow again. OH there were times she hated her tears. They betrayed her feelings, they told others of her pain, and telling others was something she never did.

But now, now she hesitantly reached for the water that lapped at her body. The thoughts and emotions that welled within her were consuming, she shivered, not from the coldness of the water, but from the knowledge of what she was about to do.

It was now or never... she took a breath... could she do this? Was this were the voice had led her. Was the voice speaking truth...? "I am always with you. I rejoice over you with singing"... The voice, the voice of hope? of truth? Of freedom? .
Afraid she would lose all courage the woman let herself fall back, back into the deep dark waters...
The sounds and lights dimmed, the water gently caressed her cheek, and she felt... calm! She could hear other voices above her but they held no fear for her now. As she allowed the water to carefully wash away the tears that had stained her life for so long she knew, she KNEW that the voice spoke truth.

It was at this moment that the woman knew she had made the right choice. The embrace of the cold water was to her, like the arms of her Saviour. Ohhh the arms of her Saviour held her all those years ago, she could feel his love, feel his embrace, feel HIM as she embraced the peace that the water brought.
But that peace, that gentle swell of wave, that mingling of fresh water with the salt from her tears was ripped from her as two strong arms pulled her from the water.

The room erupted into applause and rejoicing. The lights that danced off the water in the pool vibrated with the echo of the shout. The woman grinned and lifted her hands in worship to her Lord. She was complete, she was restored and redeemed. She was clean and no longer filthy. God had walked with her. He held her when she cried and he hugged her when she was lonely... She was baptised, and as she turned and mouthed a silent "thank you to the pastor; she was now also content...
Oh her God was good, he was full of mercy. He died for her and he came searching for her... He was more enough ... He was faithful, He is faithful, he is faithful, He is faithful!!!!!!!
To Her God be ALL the Glory!

  Posted 04/23/2009 05:02pm
Author: bethy

Wonderful endingI'm glad it ending happily.

  Posted 04/23/2009 05:06pm
Author: cowgirldiva

Love it Bethy
Thanks for the second part

  Posted 04/23/2009 05:28pm
Author: lfjoito

Awesome! Thank you for writing it, and ending the suspense! It was well worth the wait!

Love,
Mel

  Posted 04/23/2009 06:01pm
Author: melisa

Thank you bethy, I need to go wipe my tears. Okay I am back. Great ending! God is so awesome!
angel

  Posted 04/23/2009 06:21pm
Author: angelita

Wow!

  Posted 04/24/2009 06:15am
Author: lexyb

man, angel can i borrow some of the tissues?
whoah.

  Posted 04/24/2009 06:25am
Author: shanijane


perfect...absolutely perfect

lily

  Posted 04/24/2009 07:46am
Author: lilysvalley

Beth ... God has just made you into a just plain beautiful person.Made unto his likeness. I always knew the end. May you always get a blessing for blessing others. Love u girl AJ

  Posted 04/24/2009 08:50am
Author: annajones

bethy,
You are a gifted writer and if you don't do it for a living, well, you ought to think about that. Beautifully written, very important parable, thank you!


Gracie

  Posted 04/24/2009 09:23am
Author: savedbyegrace

tears, snifflle, sniffle, (honk- blowing nose) tears... hallelujah! i barely remember my baptism! but I KNOW I did it!

  Posted 04/24/2009 03:51pm
Author: blackrose65

Bethy,
It was amazing grace -how sweet the sound. Thank you for sharing about the wornderful work that God has begun in your life. May He always be your Shepherd.

Blessings,
ptl2008

  Posted 04/24/2009 08:53pm
Author: ptl2008

Bethy,
This hymn came to mind immediately after I sent you the earlier note. May the words bless you today:

In shady, green pastures, so rich and so sweet,
God leads His dear children along;
Where the water's cool flow bathes the weary one's feet
God leads His dear children along.

Refrain:
Some thru the waters, some thru the flood
Some thru the fire, but all thru the blood
Some thru great sorrow, but God gives a song
In the night season and all the day long.

Sometimes on the mount where the sun shines so bright
God leads His dear children along
Sometimes in the valley, in the darkest of night
God leads His dear children along.

Tho' sorrows befall us and Satan oppose,
God leads His dear children along
Thru grace we can conquer, defeat all our foes,
God leads His dear children along.

God leads us along by George Young

We are really privileged to be His children. Praise the Lord.

  Posted 04/24/2009 09:05pm
Author: ptl2008

I am overwhelmed at the response to this part testimony of mine. I never realise that laying myself on the line would touch so many.
I will never have words to express what God has done for and in my life.
I really only started this blog to show ya all that though a fool at heart I did have a story.

But the second half would not have been written if it were not for two people. One who whinged until I could take no more( your day is coming), and one who deeply touched me through a message of encouragement and care. You are so right.. He is faithful and he will complete his healing.

PL2008,thank you for the hymn I am in the process of trying to find music for it.
But my prayer is this.. If you are in the place I was in , in blog one of my testimony, remember God holds you in his hand. Be strong, be vigilant and above all, be faithful.
so again to you all, your encouragement , your comments, your thoughtfulness to even read the ramblings of a fool... are truly welcome.
God bless.
YS .b.

  Posted 04/26/2009 08:23am
Author: bethy

Thank You bethy for sharing your testimony with us. It is so touching and God will use your testimony to change many lives. Be blessed my friend.

angel

  Posted 04/26/2009 04:52pm
Author: angelita

Awesome blog Bethy (I knew you could do it you just needed that place to start)- but you will write more of these sharing blogs -in time. Not only do they Glorify God but they bring added /needed healing to ones own heart -they bless others and help them in troubled times and bring hope to ones that are where you were.
Just seeing how God works in lives in awesome and brings hope and rejoicing to ones own life.
I agree with Gracie -your writing skills are outstanding- it's a wonderful gift -use it to glorify God.

Love Ya
Mom pooh

  Posted 04/28/2009 11:22am
Author: poodlelady

My dear Beth. That was so awesome, and everything else went from my mind as I read on, just enthralled. Thank you so much for sharing what God has done for you, and I agree with those who have said that you are a very good writer. I send this to you, with much love, and wishing you God's Richest Blessings.

  Posted 05/02/2009 03:43am
Author: mumbly

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