"The Desires of your Heart"
In Psalms 37:4, the Bible says, "Delight thyself also in the LORD, and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." This sounds good, in fact it sounds too good to be true, but that's exactly what the Bible says.
I'm definitely not a genius, and to prove it let me tell you about how I spent one whole afternoon arguing with a friend of mine who was a genius, and all the while thinking I was right.
Psalms 37:4 was Charles' favorite verse. He had a beautiful wife and two precious daughters, and now he wanted a son. He said, "I desired a beautiful wife and God gave me a beautiful wife, I desired two daughters and God gave me two daughters, and now I desire a son and God is going to give me a son, because the Bible says 'He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.'"
I looked up Psalms 37:4 and read it. He was right, that is what it says. Then I read him the next verse; "Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass." I said, "See, first you have to commit your ways to the LORD,"- - - you make it sound like God is working for you, - - - where is the submission and servitude in that?"
There was nothing I could say that would change his mind, Charles just kept repeating himself, "It says, 'He will give thee the desires of thine heart.' That's what he has done in the past and that's what he's going to do in the future."
Charles caught Spinal Mengenitus and died before he could ever have a son, but certainly that does not prove me right. If I had to guess I would say Charles probably had more faith then me and understood something he couldn't quite get through to me.
About five years later my second wife who is twenty five years younger than me decided she wanted to have a child. I said, "I told you when we met I couldn't have children and you said that was alright, because you didn't ever want to have children." She replied, "Yes I know, I did say that, but now I want a child."
My four boys from my first marriage were already grown men. We had lots of good times while they were growing up, but I was quite sure I didn't want to go back and do it all over again.
I tried to tell her she didn't have the slightest idea what she would be getting into, but all she could say was that she really really wanted to have a baby.
Anyway after researching some new procedures we found that it might just be possible for us to have a child. The biggest obstacle seemed to be my attitude, so I went off by myself and had a long talk with God.
I brought out my long list of reasons why I didn't want to have any more children, and we went down my list checking off one item at a time; "Let's see, number one, selfish,- - - number two, selfish, - - - number three, selfish, - - - well you get the idea, after our talk I had to admit that all of my reasons for not having a child were selfish, and furthermore I became convinced that it was His will that we have a child.
Finally we agreed that I should go and tell my wife that if she wanted a child so much I wouldn't stand in her way. Then the moment I agreed to go and talk with her, the most amazing thing happened, suddenly I felt a great desire to have a child.
One moment it was the last thing I wanted to do and in the next moment it was what I wanted more than anything else in the world, I could barely contain myself, I couldn't wait to run and tell her. It felt like God had reached down and re-programmed my feelings. Eleven months later Sherry gave birth to boy and girl twins.
Needless to say, Jesse and Desiree were and are the desires of my heart, and ever since the day they were born I've been going around telling people that when the Bible says He will give you the desires of your heart it means he will actually place the desire in your heart before he gives you what you then desire, and since I thought I was speaking from personal experience I was saying this with conviction and probably confused several people along the way.
That was a little over thirteen years ago, last October we celebrated the twin's thirteenth birthday and only last weekend I was having a conversation with a lady about God's awesome choice to have children, and then I decided to tell her about how God can change the desires of your heart, and about my realization that there has always been an empty place in my heart that would not have never been filled if I didn't have a daughter.
I love all of my boys dearly and had convinced myself that I preferred boys to girls, ( I have four boys from my first marriage, and they have ten sons, so before Desiree came along there had been fifteen males in a row), I'm not saying that I now prefer girls, or that I love my daughter any more than any of her brothers, each and every one of them have filled a special place in my heart. What I am saying is that I now know there is something very special about the father daughter relationship that I had been missing out on.
Anyway as I was sharing with this lady who loves her children very much and opening my heart to her about my love for my children suddenly I was overcome by a wave of emotion as I realized a deeper level of truth. God had known that my desire for children had been there all along, especially my desire for a daughter, and that I had blocked these emotions out of my mind because of my fear that it could never happen, (we had both been told on separate occasions that we could never have children), and my fear that I didn't have a clue about how to raise a daughter, topped off by my long and list of selfishness.
With this new awareness I reviewed my life and had to admit I had married a much younger lady who I knew had been attracted to me party because she never really had a father. Something that had been obvious to many people around me had finally leaked out of my heart and made it's way up into my thick skull.
God does mean what he says; when you commit your ways to him he will give you the desires of your heart, and not desires that he suddenly places in your heart, but your deepest desires, desires that have been there all along, desires you may not even know are there, desires that have been buried so deeply that only God can see them.
p.s. We named our daughter Desiree Rose - - - the name Desiree means, 'deeply desired, or longed for.'
Now that I've shared my experience and told you about Charles' experience, please notice that I got the daughter that God knew I desired, but Charles did not get the son Charles knew he desired.
My conclusion from what I have learned so far is this:
God does know our deepest desires and He will give us the desires of our heart as long as it will bring us closer to Him in the process. Ultimately He knows our deepest desire is for Him, and His deepest desire is to give us more and more of Himself.