Large and now middle-aged I am not nor have I ever been... well... yeah. However, the magnitude of this hit me square between the eyes on a Sunday morning in 2008 while I was going through chemo. Not having the strength to continue to stand during worship, I sat down but continued to sing. Then it happened.
Surrounded by about 1,000 people praising God, I became aware of the presence of God in that place but I also became aware of something else. God saw me and... I was sick and bald. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I scrunched down wanting to hide. How I wanted to hide! I mean, this had always bothered me even though I was usually sporting a pink baseball cap with a pink rhinestone "princess" pin. However, this was even worse. While I would say God always saw me... I had the uneasy awareness that He was staring straight at me.
There are times when you are aware of an unmistakable voice in your head and you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is God asking you a question. This was one of those times. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. It didn't.
"Why are you trying to hide from me?"
I attempted to bolt but realized it was impossible to hide from God so I did the smart thing. I answered Him.
Tears slowly coursed down my cheeks as I told God I did not want Him to see me.
I bit my lip, trying to hold back the tears but failing miserably.
"Because I am ugly. I am bald, sick and ugly!"
Then, the words came pouring out.
"You are God! You are surrounded by beauty and praise day and night! How can you want to even look at me?"
I felt miserable...
Then it happened. When God looked at me, He did not see a large, middle-aged bald woman broken in body. He saw a beautiful , His very own precious daughter whom He had created and redeemed.
As I felt the embrace of His love, I realized that I was indeed "beautiful" and I am loved by God. So are you...