Hope, Moving On, Letting Go
I've cried out to God. I've cried out to Him a lot. If there is a blessing in being middle aged, single, with not much family to speak of is that it will bring you closer to God. Because you really don't have anyone to rely on.
Now God has done amazing things in my life. He took a broken agoraphobic who was afraid to go outside and gave back her life. Then he told me I would be going on the mission field. Something I've only recently accepted. Today, God laid on my heart that there was a relationship for me. Now I had given up on the idea of letting a man into my life again a long time ago. I was just fed up. I had no believe I would attract a man who would treat me right.
Now today God lays on my heart that there is a significant other for me. And it was laid on my heart that that there was somebody for me who had integrity. It didn't have to be a repeat of the old relationships I had. I didn't have to live with somebody who would abandon me every time the going got tough.
I sobbed at the concept. You see, sometimes it's easier to stay stuck in the same rut your in because it's safer to be there. Take no chances and then you won't get hurt. Don't let anyone into your life and you will suffer no losses. One thing I've discovered about walking with God is He will keep His promises. He will return what the devil stold from you. But it doesn't mean it's going to be easy. Trust takes time. It has to be built. So here I am, with yet another revived dream. Do I dare to dream this dream? Do I step out of my comfort zone and allow even the thought of a relationship in?
A few years ago I would not have blogged about personal issues for all to view. But nobody on the internet knows who I am in real life, and perhaps this blog will help another Christian who is struggling and wondering why they can't seem to quite make it. It's a normal struggle if you have had a rough past. There is a lot of hurt and mistrust to overcome. Don't ever let anyone tell you that your faith is weak because you struggle. If anything these struggles often bring me closer to God.
So I guess God just gave me a new thing to look forward to. I know God will not rush me. Besides it's not the destination, it's the journey that counts. And it was just a dream placed on my heart. I can choose to walk away from it. We will see where God takes me.
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Author: maddie
Location: Calgary Alberta Canada
Gender: Female
Age: 48
Blog Entries: 23 (archive)
Blog Comments: 169
hi: my name is maddie and i'm an evangelist, i love the lord and i hope he will continue to use me to bring people to christ. shortly after i was saved i experienced the thrill of seeing a friend saved after only a short 15 minute testimony from me....
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i think they voted me most likely to end up on skid row... now i'm saved, have a great job, attend college at night, and the lord is taking me to africa. if ever there was a walking living breathing testimony to god raising a person up to be more...
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