Prayers From My Beloved
I started my day not only with a smile on my face, but happiness in my heart. I went "Woooohhhh" when I gazed at the sky this morning. It was so beautiful. God's glory covered the vast heavenly realm.
I was totally surprised when my boyfriend told me on his mail that he left me a prayer yesterday before he went to work in our account on Yahoo blog. (FYI: I am in a long distance relationship). Surprised because it's not the usual him. He's been struggling with his faith lately (It's not been a year yet since he accepted Jesus).
We had misunderstanding weeks ago. I panicked when I felt that I was deprived of his love. Then, the reason that came to mind why we'd been so vulnerable to misunderstanding lately was our complacency with God's role in our relationship. When we started our relationship, both of us credited it all to God: from the crossing of our paths, to our falling in love. We acknowledged God's work in our lives and our relationship. Every week we take turns in suggesting a scripture to share our reflection on chat. We also take turns in praying.
Last month, there were consecutive weeks that we no longer do what we used to when it comes to sharing our faith. There were misunderstanding (not about our faith), and that made me wonder what could be the cause of our easily hurt feelings.
The other Monday, I took half a day off of work to talk to him about it and my worries and fears of the relationship. When I asked him about how important it is to him the role of God in our relationship, I was simply answered that he didn't know what to answer my question since it's something he had not thought of before in his relationship. That was quite devastating on my part. Deep inside of me, I have this thought that without God in a relationship, it will never last. And here he was, tossing me a vague answer on the air. He confessed to me about his struggles in his faith and his feeling lost when it comes to spiritual matters. He didn't know where he truly belongs. He sounded like he's really lost. And it pained me so much to know that the man I love was going through difficult times, emotionally and spiritually. I felt so hopeless and powerless. I didn't know how would I be able to help and support him. I felt like it was a big failure on my part for not being able to do so.
After our talk, I was struggling inside. I felt that I lost the sense of security in our relationship. The "what ifs" bombarded my mind. I prayed. I prayed for enlightenment. I prayed for understanding. Days later, I felt a conviction in my heart. A conviction that my prime motive in confronting my boyfriend about God's role in our relationship was selfish. Selfish because the motive was all about our relationship instead of the growth of his faith. I prioritized the welfare of our relationship before his personal needs to develop a closer, personal relationship with God. I begun to search and evaluate myself. How is my personal relationship with God? Not as stable as what He wants me to have with Him.
God spoke to my heart. He told me that I have to settle myself first on Him; that I have to depend first on Him; that I have to seek love first from Him (of which He freely and lavishly give); that I have to get my joy first in Him; that I have to get peace, security and assurance first in Him; that I don't have to worry and fear about my future for what He has in store for me is a great and beautiful future. He gave my heart assurance that I am His precious child and He loves me so much and He'd do anything for me as long as I keep my dependence on Him before any human.
I started to pray more for myself. Prayers asking Him to lead all of my ways towards Him. Later in days, I begun to feel peace inside me. I felt joy. I felt contentment. I felt security. I felt the assurance of my beautiful future. And one morning at work, I just felt a burning fire within me to look for a place where I can share my faith, that's when He led me to this site.
I keep praying for my boyfriend. God knows what is best for him, and I give that trust to God. Whatever his struggles are, which is beyond my human mind and heart to know and feel, I know God will take good care all of those. I lifted it all up to God. And I know he touched His heart. His sending me prayers are just one of the evidences of God's intervention in his personal relationship with Him and our relationship as well, as two individuals in love with each other.
This morning when I checked our account, there was another prayer from him. He touched my heart so much. My heart rejoices. My heart dances. My heart sings praises and thanksgiving to God. I know deep within my heart that God is working in us. But first we have to delight ourselves in the Lord and He will give us the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4).
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Author: ntheshadowofhiswings
Location: Mandaue, Cebu Arizona Philippines
Gender: Female
Age: 35
Blog Entries: 11 (archive)
Blog Comments: 1
i am from the beautiful tropical country of the philippines. i was born roman catholic, but would rather call myself now a christian catholic because there are some traditions of rc that i no longer follow or practice when i was still a kid. i deemed i have the free...
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I'll keep you in my prayers