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Trusting God to send me a godly man
seekwfaith





 
I'm single and have been waiting for God to send someone, that ONE special person into my life. Well, I'm still waiting but I'm getting weary. I've read a few relationship books with amazing stories of how God came through at the end and that God is the best matchmaker etc etc. The problem is I have been hurt before, have to admit it was by my own stupidity and impatience that I got into relationships with men that is not from the church. So serve me right! However, that was ages ago and I learned my lessons. The last 2 guys I dated were from the church. The first one was a church leader but slowly, he turned 180 degree and now even backslided. I thanked God from pulling me out from that mess. Then another nice guy from church courted me. Everything seems to be perfect - I've got my ministry in church, I've got my career, and I thought I had a great godly man who supported me in my ministry but he then decided to pull the plug, he wasn't ready.

Now, I pressed on. I immersed myself even more into His Word. I decided to continue serving God and minister into my friends' lives. However, I know my desire is to have a husband (godly, God fearing man) in my life who would serve God together with me. Problem is, God is not sending anyone yet and I need all the faith to really trust in Him. I know all the verses about God's promises - delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart (Ps 37:4) and I've studied Joseph on how his sufferings was part of a divine plan etc.

I've seen many godly single women in church... growing old alone. One of my aunts still single (not sure whether she is still believing in God to send her someone). What's the chance of me growing old ALONE? Some writers say God WILL send someone but Elisabeth Elliot answer to "What if I never marry will God take that desire away?" is probably NO. I know it is probably a worldwide phenomenon.

I'm not losing faith in God and I do know He has my best interest but I will be really disappointed if His will for me is to remain single and I will need all the strength not to simply marry a non-Christian just for the sake of having a family. Sigh! Please pray for me.

Published: Oct 11 2006 08:19:46pm


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Rob Henson (@greybear)
Oct 12 2006 05:13:19am
  seekwfaith, 1st off I'm not any kind of marriage guru, but this is one thing I might mention. I much of what I've read, one of the key points of "missing out" on love is that usually the "hole" can be filled by a fuller understanding of how God can first fulfill all our needs for love. The single looking for love or the spouse who just doesn't measure up like expected. When we allow God to fill our need for love then the absence of or unfulfillment of expectations of others frankly isn't so important. At least it doesn't leave us with that "hole" feeling. That said, I'll send up a prayer that you and God will build an even stronger love relationship and that maybe he could send a good one your way as well! YBIC, GreyBear


Debi Gerbino (@dgerbino)
Oct 12 2006 05:54:59am
  seekingwfaith - Another perspective is one my mom has shared with me. (She's so full of wisdom!) She also prayed for a christian husband when she was growing up -- and she married, what seemed at the time, to be a non-christian. HOWEVER (and here's where the story gets good) God used her to bring my dad to the Lord. It took several years -- and was not without frustration and heartache on her part -- but ultimately, my dad accepted Jesus as his savior - and is now a preacher. He is such a sincere soldier for Christ and has helped bring numerous others to Him. So, my mom prayed for a christian husband ... God answered her prayers, but she had to do some work to get what she asked for. Sort of neat to think about that way. In the process, God gained another servant who has helped numerous people get to know and accept Jesus as their savior. Now, I'm not saying that you should take this view -- and accept anyone who comes along so you can do the same. I'm simply saying that maybe if you look at it differently, and surrender yourself to let God do the work to help bring the right person to you, some of the tension you may be feeling will be lifted. Another great way to meet other single christians is to go to "singles retreats". I have several friends who have found their spouses at these retreats. I'll keep you in my prayers. God Bless, -Debi


C.R. Laumann (@dojusticelovemercy)
Oct 12 2006 07:51:25pm
  Dear sister, I had to smile (somewhat wistfully) at your post. I am close to you in age & know what that aching, unfulfilled longing is like. My circumstances are a bit different, but I think the lesson is the same, so I thought I'd share what I've learned & am still learning. I wanted a spouse to love & be loved by. I thought I found that when I got married. Without going into the gory details, he is an unbeliever & despite my absolute determination that I would never, ever be divorced, I now am. I have found the longings for "the one" - (that godly, not perfect, but still good guy who "gets me") come with frequency & urgency. Even more so after facing rejection & a spouse planning to remarry. There are a vast number of books, articles, tapes and advice about how God will bring a heavenly match along if you just have faith. But here is the real thing - God says love the Lord with ALL your heart. I question myself - is the longing for love of a spouse diverted attention? One of the earlier posts hit on this - it is really a God vaccum, not a spouse vaccum. So, as I remind myself, I remind you. Seek the Lord. He will not withhold any good thing from his children, but he does sometimes not give us the life we want / hope for / expect. And (here's the kicker) do it joyfully, accepting your current lot (ala "I have learned the secret of being content in any & every circumstance). A helpful Scripture for me is/was Isaiah 54 and it pertains to both childlessness & singlehood: "Sing, O barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband," says the LORD. ... 4 "Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. 5 For your Maker is your husband- the LORD Almighty is his name- the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. ... 10 Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you. Wow. The thought of God as our husband. It sounds a bit scandalous, but that is His promise! He is the most faithful, loving, caring, supportive, understanding, compassionate spouse one could ever hope for. I will pray for both of us to learn HIS lessons, to bring Him glory, whether married or single. Much love in Him,


Vincent Chough (@clayonmyeyes)
Oct 13 2006 08:16:02am
  Being a married man I didn't know how much I would get out of reading this post, but I'm glad I read now. The messages delivered here are profound and can apply to other aspects of our lives. Dojusticelovemercy's comments were especially insightful. I send up a prayer for you all. Grace to you, clayonmyeyes


Kaz Lam (@seekwfaith)
Oct 17 2006 12:47:29am
  Thanks dojusticelovemercy. That was encouraging (in a way). I am doing BSF and studying Joseph at the moment reveals a lot to me. God is able but often He will not remove us from our circumstances (suffering etc) but He can bless us in our circumstances. I just got to learn to find 'joy' and delight in Him. As for dgerbino: I'm not sure I dare to agree with you. Marrying a unbeliever and try to convert him later is something I will try NOT to do. I am not judging your parents but I personally dated non-believer before. The period of praying for his salvation was the hardest. It was as tho I was in darkness too. I was struggling and I didn't have peace and I knew it just wasn't right until I finally converted him (I believed God made him see the light) but the relationship didn't work out and he left the church. I remember how draining it was to try to 'pull him up the boat' while I couldn't balance myself steadily in the midst of storm. I actually allowed myself to flirt with another non-believer again but the conviction of the Spirit was very strong and I finally gave him up and it was then that my walk with God got better and He trusted me to lead a cellgroup. I felt I grew a lot during that episode of my life. But then, I kinda got into the routine and stop growing, even thinking of 'taking a break' (slip under the radar) from the ministry... that God started another storm in my life! Continued under my 2nd blog...


Kate Decena (@standingongrace)
Oct 24 2006 07:30:03am
  i know how you feel. i've never been in a committed relationship before. i was on the brink of 2 before. the first was with an unbeliever, and though i didn't know it at that time, i was "missionary dating," trying to bring him to Christ so that I could be in a relationship with him. I cared so much for him that I was willing to do everything to get him to accept Jesus and make him into a committed Christian. It wasn't to be. Despite our strong feelings for each other, when he asked me to become his girlfriend, I had to say no. I didn't want to compromise the relationship I was already in with Jesus. This decision was a result of reading several "God's Best" books, like "Boy Meets Girl" and "When God writes your love story", and a result of the counsel of strong Christian sisters and my time with God. The 2nd relationship was with a godly man... who lived on the opposite end of the country! After some time, God's answer for our relationship was no (or, at least, not yet!). I have your impatience too. I have your longing. I desire to be married. I have a vision of being active in church with my husband, participating in the ministry and all other projects of our church. I want to be married by our pastor, surrounded by my friends and family. And I'm even more excited to find out the kind of love story God wrote for us. I believe that He has something better, greater than any love story I've constructed in my head. Rebecca was going about doing her own business at the well when her husband came along. I believe in going about doing our business for the Lord and He will bring our God's Best right along. When I feel anxious that I'm getting older without yet being with a man, I look to Sarah's story and see that she bore a son at an age beyond when women are supposed to be fertile. God makes the impossible possible. He can do that in our lives. We just have to believe in His words and trust His timing. He is preparing us to become the best wives we could possibly be for our husbands. There is still much we can fulfill for Him while still single. Thank God for seasons in our lives. And when the season for marriage comes for you, I know that it will be more beautiful and will go beyond your expectations. God bless, sister.


John Heintzman (@revjch)
Nov 22 2006 06:36:38am
  I would encoruage you to not give up. you feel that void right now that you may be alone forever. But do not take that. the evil one woudl like to use that to harrass you, or get you into a relationship that would keep you from effectively serving the Lord! remember his tactics? he's "underhanded". he does not play rules, he tries to play for "keeps". Dont let him in the door! It happens all to easily! he always plays on our weaknesses. Give it to God! he will help you, jsut keep seeking Him. he always honors our prayers, especially the fervent prayers. Ask the Lord to give you what you need to fill that gap you feel inside. he can do it. I have seen too many relationships born out of loneliness. they create such problems later that you could end up regretting settling for "second best". No one is perfect, but you do want a person that God chooses, that wil stand along side with you. Not against you. I do know the pain of what you are saying. And I would encourage you, wait on God. It is always easier said than done. But not impossible. Try to think of it this way. Would God ever send you someone that would hurt you, or hinder you, be bad for you? Of course not. So think that the person he will choose for you, will be someone who loves Jesus as much as you do! And will love you as you should be loved! Obviously this person, or from what you said about them? Was not grounded the way they should have been. Or perhaps the evil one was just able to "pull them in". it can happen to anyone. Either way, pray for this person, and you yourself? keep pressing on. This life is short and all we have is Jesus. And we have that which He has promised for us in the future. hold onto this. This is your hope in Christ. Mean while? trust God. keep serving Him. See of you do not have to look for someone and God just sends the person to you! And at the right time. You could be very surprised~i


Jewlia Love (@denay72)
Apr 03 2009 10:35:24am
  Seekingwfaith, I know what you mean and I feel the same way. Two weeks ago my perfect...correction so I thought perfect man (now I know he wasn't but I thought he was for me that is) had been cheating on me and turned out he was married. From an intellectual point of view I know he wasn't right for me because he was married and cheating plus he wasn't a man of God. I grew up never wanting to fall in love because I never wanted to fall out of love because the pain I thought would kill me. While I am still alive now (Praise HIM) I feel dead inside. Today at work I was crying in the bathroom and angry with god because like dgerbino's story of her parents I did and do not understand how come God couldn't have changed him. Or for that matter why He would allow me to experience this in the first place. Sure my ex was everything I always said I never wanted divorced (which is what he told me from day one), has a kid, not college educated whereas I am college educated (have a master's degree), never married, and no kids (want them with whomever I marry) but there was something about him. I use the analogy that he was a dirty penny but yet I saw that little sliver (sp?) of shiny copper so he seemed worthy of my heart which he was the first and only man I gave it to and look how that turned out! I trust in the Lord but I am also angry or not angry but hurt that this happened to me. Yes, from this experience I have learned that I desire better and that I'm priceless but I just wonder like you...when is it going to be my turn at happiness... true happiness. Everyone I know is married with kids or was married and had kids so when is it going to be my turn? Like you I want a Godly man and I know that based on my past (dated the wrong kind of men and was not living as I know I should have been) but why does it seem like those who are living wrong get rewarded and those of us who are struggling get crapped on? I know being a Christian isn't easy because if it was then everyone would be one but honestly when am I going to get married and have the life I dreamed about? I'm not getting any younger and while I know that 37 isn't that old I grew up when if you weren't married by 21 you were considered an old maid and I do not want to be one of those women who is in her 70's never married. I don't want to die alone and I want to feel...correction I need to feel like I will have someone in my life. I'm an only child and I just don't want to never have had a chance to be married or have children. I just don't know how to feel and it doesn't seem to help that my spiritual gift is compassion because men take my friendliness wrong. Plus I'm shy so anyone who I like I become like a second grader with the note passing...sad yes I know but that is how I get if I like you. I just want the pain to go away and for the man God has in store for me to materialize like next month but I know you cannot rush God because His will will always be done which is what I want but it's the waiting part that is hard. Not to mention the fact that I think too much and I dunno I'm just a mess right now. The good thing about all of this is that I have gotten or am getting closer to God so that I can know when He is speaking to me but I miss my ex...I miss the companionship and the good times but yet I don't want to think of them as good times because our relationship was based on a lie which makes me wonder if he ever really cared about me at all.


Jewlia Love (@denay72)
Apr 03 2009 10:39:48am
  Trusting God to send me a godly man Seekingwfaith, I know what you mean and I feel the same way. Two weeks ago my perfect...correction so I thought perfect man (now I know he wasn't but I thought he was for me that is) had been cheating on me and turned out he was married. From an intellectual point of view I know he wasn't right for me because he was married and cheating plus he wasn't a man of God. I grew up never wanting to fall in love because I never wanted to fall out of love because the pain I thought would kill me. While I am still alive now (Praise HIM) I feel dead inside. Today at work I was crying in the bathroom and angry with god because like dgerbino's story of her parents I did and do not understand how come God couldn't have changed him. Or for that matter why He would allow me to experience this in the first place. Sure my ex was everything I always said I never wanted divorced (which is what he told me from day one), has a kid, not college educated whereas I am college educated (have a master's degree), never married, and no kids (want them with whomever I marry) but there was something about him. I use the analogy that he was a dirty penny but yet I saw that little sliver (sp?) of shiny copper so he seemed worthy of my heart which he was the first and only man I gave it to and look how that turned out! I trust in the Lord but I am also angry or not angry but hurt that this happened to me. Yes, from this experience I have learned that I desire better and that I'm priceless but I just wonder like you...when is it going to be my turn at happiness... true happiness. Everyone I know is married with kids or was married and had kids so when is it going to be my turn? Like you I want a Godly man and I know that based on my past (dated the wrong kind of men and was not living as I know I should have been) but why does it seem like those who are living wrong get rewarded and those of us who are struggling get crapped on? I know being a Christian isn't easy because if it was then everyone would be one but honestly when am I going to get married and have the life I dreamed about? I'm not getting any younger and while I know that 37 isn't that old I grew up when if you weren't married by 21 you were considered an old maid and I do not want to be one of those women who is in her 70's never married. I don't want to die alone and I want to feel...correction I need to feel like I will have someone in my life. I'm an only child and I just don't want to never have had a chance to be married or have children. I just don't know how to feel and it doesn't seem to help that my spiritual gift is compassion because men take my friendliness wrong. Plus I'm shy so anyone who I like I become like a second grader with the note passing...sad yes I know but that is how I get if I like you. I just want the pain to go away and for the man God has in store for me to materialize like next month but I know you cannot rush God because His will will always be done which is what I want but it's the waiting part that is hard. Not to mention the fact that I think too much and I dunno I'm just a mess right now. The good thing about all of this is that I have gotten or am getting closer to God so that I can know when He is speaking to me but I miss my ex...I miss the companionship and the good times but yet I don't want to think of them as good times because our relationship was based on a lie which makes me wonder if he ever really cared about me at all.


Kaz Lam (@seekwfaith)
Dec 07 2009 04:06:12am
  denay72, Sorry for taking so long to respond. Hope you are better now, picked up all the pieces and perhaps met someone who worth your trust and love. After 3 years of my first entry, guess what... I am still single! I guess it's because I haven't met someone who impressed me or perhaps I have set the bar a bit way too high. But, what I am sure is, I am not desperate, I still have the longing but I'm not wasting time doing nothing and just waiting. I enjoy myself, do things I want to do. Have great friends, go out and serve in ministry (although I believe we can be double effective when THE guy comes along). I am so independent that it freaks me out a bit. Anyway, I can't hurry God. My friend once told me that God is never late. Well, that depends on how you define 'late'. Jesus was so 'late' that Lazarus was dead, wrapped in burial cloth and was in the tomb (John 11). Well, He did it in purpose because He knows He is in control. So, we just have to trust Him and leave it to Him. I claim Rom 8:28 And we know that all things work together for the good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.



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