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I have never done this blogging thing before. This is an entirely new experience. I have a journal, but the act of writing doesn't seem to quite get my emotions or thoughts out as well as I'd like it too. I began this blog because I desperately need an outlet. A Christian outlet. My family has fallen apart in a matter of 3 days and I feel entirely broken. Last Thursday night began the worst time of my life. My little sister attempted to take her own life. She called me letting me know what was happening and sounded terrified. She instructed me to come to her but not say a word to my parents. How could I do that? They are her parents and needed to be involved. I told her that I had to tell them so we could all be at the hospital with her. She was so out of it she is convinced that I promised her I wouldn't tell them. We drove down to where she attends college and rushed to the hospital. We arrived about 5:30 in the morning. I had been sobbing the entire way. Wondering how. How could I have gotten here? How could she have let her bipolar depression get to this point? I felt so many things, but mainly fear. Fear of losing my other half. The moment she realized my parents were also with me, she left me. I saw it in her face that morning. From that moment, she has had nothing but pure hatred for me. After finally getting her released from the hospital, she slept the rest of the day. I thank the Lord the pills she took are such a mild medication that it is almost unheard of for someone to overdose on it. My parents returned home and left me there to bring her home the next day. Mainly because she refused to go home right away. It was the worst next 24 hours of my life. On the way back home, my sister told me she hates me. That I have ruined her life, her future, and everything. She told me that as far as she is concerned we are no longer sisters and I am dead to her for what I have done. She used much choice language and hateful words to try to get me to fight back. I know the only way I was able to remain calm and not yell back was because God held me. Upon returning home, she began to attack my parents. Telling them home is hell and that she wants nothing to do with any of us. My parents desperately tried to reason with her and make her understand that all we want is to help her get healthy. She jumped out of her bedroom window and ran away. The friend she ran to called my parents and, knowing she would hate him as well, let my parents pick her up. When they returned home all my mother could do was wail and sob. She said she gave up and for my sister to just leave. My dad being the ever so faithful and kind hearted man he is, knew he had to stop her from leaving. That's when my sister truly let loose. She screamed at us about how she has been cutting herself for years. Tried to take her life twice before. And had more anger and depression than we could ever imagine. She finally admitted to us that it was because our biological father sexually abused her as a very young child and she has never let it go. My parents drove her back to her home last night because she begged them to. And no sooner than they had arrived then she demand they leave her alone. My mother called a therapist who told us that we have to just let her go for now. That we have to just leave her alone. That we are making things worse by forcing ourselves on her. And that we have to accept that we don't know if she will be okay or not. So they left her there. And now I fear that I am just waiting for the call that tells me my sister is dead. That she is gone. I don't want to lose my faith. But it has never been so shattered and shaken. I suppose the point of this blog is that I need prayer warriors. Pray that I am courageous. Pray that she realizes how incredibly loved she is not just by us but by her Heavenly Father. She needs to know in her heart that God adores every bit of her. Pray that my family doesn't fall apart. Pray that we all turn to God and let Him guide us through this. Pray that we don't live in fear or anger. Pray that my next blog is one about my sister seeking the help she so desperately needs. Prayer, patience, love, grace, and faith. I need them because right now I feel like I'm in an unimaginable storm and my entire family is sinking.
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. Glad that you are willing to share your struggles and pains here. Yes, the journey ahead is not easy but you are not alone. We can pray for you. Get as many people to pray for you and your sister as well.