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This blog is to document the passing of my darling mum, the mother whom I have written a mother's day tribute this year on Mothers' Day. I wrote on how the Lord revealed on the importance of honouring and loving our parents in the blog called " a mother's day tribute--jesus sets an example of love for his mother."
My mother was my earthly greatest friend. I had spent tremendous amount of time with her. In the past when we were both young and healthy, we would go out every Saturday and enjoyed shopping, taking strolls at the beaches , having exquisitve lunches. Sometimes we would go for shopping sales, visits countless relatives, did many simple things such like playing simple mahjong and Chinese 4 -color card games during the Lunar New Years.
In retrospect, I felt glad that I had travelled to many places with her. In short, she had been round the world. She started travelling only at the age of fifty- five and she had travelled extensively to many countries in Asia, Europe,Hawaii, USA, Canada, China, Taiwan, and Australia.
She had been a heart patient for many years after a triple bypass operation in 1998. The success of the operation had given her another twelve years of good blessed life. Two years after 1998, she had a triple stent implant in one of her heart arteries. She also was a diabetic patient for almost 30 years.
I remembered one crucial incident. The doctor had by mistake given her an overdose of one drug for thinning of blood called Plavik. After two weeks of the oral medication, she suddenly passed out a large quantity of blood, which was equal to half her body volume. We rushed her to the hospital on time. She was given 5 bags of blood instantaneously and PTL, she survived.
Another time, she felt very breathless and was breathing very laboriously. I dialled 995 for an ambulance. It turned out to be a huge blunder. This public number for ambulance would only fetch a patient to the nearest government hospital. They rode her to the incorrect hospital when we wanted her at a private hospital where her usual doctor would treat her more accurately. I had to literally plead the young doctor to discharge her from the public hospital and then to have her re-admitted at the usual private hospital. The whole ordeal or 'hijack' was a 3 hours' delay before she was warded again and given the correct medical attention . Another close shave but she survived again. Thank God.
Once more she was spared her life. Throughout the next few years, she was admitted to the hospital numerous times. I remembered sleeping once at the lobby seat overnight on Chinese New Year's eve when she was in the critical unit when she could not return home for the Chinese Reunion Dinner. Last year alone, there were 6 hospital admissions , once for one month long. Yet she made through it all.
I prayed for her countless times and pleaded the Lord to prolong her life, to extend her life for I needed her very much. She was my best friend, my prayer partner, my support in many crises of my life.
She was in ill health for a long time but never so horrific until this March when her health took an abrupt turn. She could not get out from the bed for four months. She then developed serious bedsores, bladder infection, rheumatism, gout, back pain , breathlessness, heart pain amongst many other illnesses.
For many years, I would daily check on her regularly. When going to the washroom with my bedroom next to hers, I would pop my head in and checked on her and her progress. I was mostly dissatisfied with her maid of 4 years who also was the main caregiver ,did not give her enough blankets or gave her meals late. I would usually add another additional blanket on her, tucked it in at her shoulders. In the last year, she had to put on an oxygen mask connected to an oxygen instrument three times daily. Every night around midnight, I would popped my head through her door ,for the final time each night to ensure that the oxygen mask was safely removed and that she was warm enough.
The night before she passed on, I did the same thing around the same time. The next morning was Saturday, 3 July 2010, my usual time out and for tract evangelization.
Ten minutes into the drive that morning, I had a prompting that something serious would happen to her that day. I prayed aloud about it immediately but carried on my schedule. This was because there had been many recent false alarms . However ,when I arrived at a breakfast restaurant for 'roti prata' , I called home to check on her. Everything seemed good and normal.
In the last 6 months, she told us that she felt that her time had arrived and she wanted all her children to return home to bid her farewell for the last time.
But she had pulled through time and again. But definitely not this time. When I finished my stuff and a bit of tract evangelization, I returned home at noon to find her maid telling me she was very pale and her blood pressure had dropped very low, to only 60 / 40.
My sister and I quickly exercised her arms and her legs, gave her warm Milo and even salt water. She was given Lasix injections regularly to drain out the fluid from her lungs . This caused her to lose much needed minerals such as potassium and sodium.
Gradually she revived for a brief moment. She looked at me and those around. By then, we had contacted a few of my siblings. When two of my sisters and one grandson arrived, she looked momentarily at them and then there was sudden coma. Her eyes went wide opened but stiff, her head and her arms were icy cold. I recognised this sign; it was a sign of a heart attack. I witnessed such similar sign from my grandmother 30 years ago who also exhibited the same sign and was diagnosed later as a heart attack.
By then, the ambulance arrived. The medics quickly transfered her on the stretcher and off with the ambulance she went. I did not go along as I felt unwell. I planned to visit her in the evening after a short rest. Two of my sisters accompanied the ambulance. Later it was reported that she could have died on the way there. They found zero oxygen in her blood and also did CPR but it could not help her anymore. Unlike all other previous incidents, she could not pulled through this time. Thinking back on the events, I believed that she could have passed on in our home before the ambulance arrived when her body turned icy cold and stiff.
This was the most dreadful episode of my life which I feared for so long. It had ultimately happened so unexpectedly. When my sister called me 30 minutes later to update that she had returned Home to the Lord, I was stunned for a short while and then I wailed for a long time.
I wailed at the hospital bed where she laid. I wailed again when they placed her in the bag to transfer her to the embalming service. I wailed again at the embalming centre. I wailed again when the pastor came and prayed and later when the casket returned to the designated area, I wailed again.
The whole night I could not sleep. The thought of regret came and went. If only, if only. I heard the prompting of the Holy Spirit but I took it too lightly. I thought it was one of those false alarms.
I regretted that I did not turn back halfway through my journey out and returned home to take care of her. If I were at home, maybe I could call the ambulance earlier by one hour and it could prolong her life for another few months or maybe a couple of years. If only, if only!!
The funeral wakes took a period of 7 days and 6 nights . Each evening, some family's members had to stay awake throughout the night to guard her casket. This was the local custom. Her whole family of eleven children with their spouses, her grandchildren and grand children in laws and great grand children stayed united and took turns to carry out the all necessary duties and funeral arrangements.
Every night, there was a memorial service at eight pm. Many eulogies were given, all remembering her life and what a great mother and person she was.
At the crematorium on July 9, 2010 at 12 noon, everyone of her whole family, her children and their spouses, her grandchildren and close relatives together wailed loud and long when we saw her brown coffin for the final time. Everyone simply just released all their pent-up emotions and deep grief. Everyone wailed and cried for a long time. We just lost our beloved mother or mother in law or grandmother , she could not be with us anymore.
She had physically gone away from us .We could only wait until we were reunited with her in Heaven. We would missed her everyday from that moment.
One of my sisters had a vision of her walking in a beautiful meadow. She saw my mother in a young body of twenty plus. Then my sister saw a young man running to her. It was my father who passed on 30 years ago. They have re-united in Heaven.
This vision comforts me greatly because I know she is a better happier place with my father, where there is no pain, no sorrow, no sufferings but joy, peace and gladness for eternity. Now they will both wait for all their children to complete our works on this earth and to return Home to spend eternity with them.
Many things from the eulogies described about how wonderful my mum was:
1. Many remembered her as a graceful, elegant lady who was always well-groomed in her Chinese mandarin clothes.
2. She always wore a big smile on her face and was often cheerful. She was willing to help the poor, those in need, and those in troubles. She always taught us to be humble and helpful in spite of our status or wealth we might have in life.
3. She was a woman of prayer, a woman of child like faith. Though she only had five years of formal education which was stopped due to the world war, she could read her Chinese Bible fairly well and would faithfully mediate on them.
4. She arose daily at 5 am to pray for her and her household, each one by name. When we needed prayers for businesses, works, jobs, health, marriages, she would pray for us fervently. Many prayers were wonderfully answered.
5. God gave her the gift of dreams. She would received dreams for our situations in clear directions and would bring God's guidance to us who asked her for prayers. I remembered the Lord also gave the chinese name of a grandson to her in her dream, which meant 'Bestowed Grace' as this grandson was borned with 3 circles of umbilical cords around his neck .
6. She was a woman of great faith. She would pray for fine weather for our outings and would ask God to hold the rain until we finished our outdoor outings. She would pray for car parks in a country of many cars and insufficient car park provisions and even in countries abroad when we were travelling. And many such similar happenings.
7. She was a strong and intelligent woman, who raised eleven children alone and who also had to look after her sick husband in his later years. Yet she never complained. All her children in spite of having little in our early lives had become successful and wealthy without any help or connections.
This was the greatness and sincerity of a simple petite lady, who survived by God's grace , the three and one half years of Japanese occupation of World War II in Singapore, who did not know Jesus until her's sixties, who single-handedly raised and took care of her children and taught them invaluable principles of life.
The most striking discovery I found was that every one of her children felt special in her sight. Everyone thought he or she was her favourite child. That's how great , unique and selfless she was. She made every one of her children felt special, felt they were exceptional. Just the way our Heavenly Father would have us felt as being the Special One to Him, the Apple of His eyes.
Now she has gone but is in a better place, in Heaven our glorious Home. I miss her terribly and I miss her so much. How could anyone especially me forget such a wonderful beautiful and loving mother?
Till we meet again, mum, take good care of yourself and Papa too. May the Lord look after both of them for me and until we meet again.
Mum, I miss you so much. I also miss you too, Papa.
I love both of you so much. Till we meet again.
My heart's desire is that all her children and children in laws and grandchildren will know Jesus as their Lord and Saviour and that in our passing in the future , we will return to re-unite with them . May the Lord continue to touch all our hearts and bring all of us into His Kingdom.
In the Lord's time, in God's time . TO GOD BE THE GLORY. Amen
By Hwa Silverpen
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Yes, I miss her tremendously and it is going to take a while before I can get back to normal.
Silverpen 