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For the last 1 1/2 years, I have gone through a lot of peaks and valleys, or as they say, been on a roller coaster ride. In May of 2010, my beautiful daughter was shot in front of my eyes, then I was shot, and it was all done by my own Step-father, who had never had anything against either of us.
I have gone through every emotion that you can imagine. I have been the child who can't believe that their parent could ever do something like that. I have been angry for what he has stolen from us. I have been chilled to the bone and scared out of my wits. I have been full of faith, crying out to God and railing against the devil.
Although my daughter was miraculously saved from death, since the bullet entered her abdomen, and bounced around, nicking her diaphragm, and liver, but missing every major organ and artery, the bullet came to rest against or dangerously close to her spine.
Amidst great rejoicing for just having her in this world, I had to come to grips that she has spinal injuries that are not going away.
I still believe that she is healed by the stripes of Jesus, because that is what the Word says, but it hasn't manifested in this life, yet.
My faith could be rocked to its foundation, but I know I can't let that happen.
Besides all this emotional chaos, life goes on and I have 4 other children who are each going through their own life events.
One of my sons, who had fallen into the wrong company as a young 18-22 yr old and ended up in prison, has been out for 6 years, trying to change his path, working hard to have a normal, boring family life, but paying for those 4 short years off the trail...is struggling with not being able to get a good job because he can't pass a background check. With a felony charge of aggravated assault, even though no weapon was used, he can't get any other type of job except contract labor, moving jobs, or landscaping.
He just worked a couple of days at a job he really liked, pipe welding, but as soon as his background was reviewed, they terminated him.
I know that he was really hoping that this time, he would be able to get a real job. What a bitter blow it was.
Although I know that he is only paying for his bad choices, my heart breaks for him in struggle.
All I can do is encourage him to hang on and not "lose it." I can only tell him that he is going to find just the right job, that he will put this thing behind him, and be able to start a new life.
He is 33 and has not recovered from mistakes he made at 20.
I am so thankful that he has not turned back to lawlessness in order to make money, even though he could easily do that.
Now that all of my children are grown, I realize that being a parent is forever.
Sometimes, I don't even know if I can keep going in faith myself, yet I have to bolster the faith of my children as they face their own personal hardships.
And the hardest part of it all is that I have to accept the fact that I cannot solve any of this myself. I can't do anything to help my daughter with the continuous pain that she has to live with, or the partial paralysis that she has to learn to work around, or wipe away my son's criminal record, find him a good job, help my step-son deal with his wife's Multiple Sclerosis, while trying to work and raise 4 children. My two step sons who grew up with me are faced with their natural mother's battle with breast cancer. I can't do anything about my other daughter's pinched nerve and neck pain, or her infertility.
I guess that the thing about faith that most people don't understand is that it isn't faith if you can handle it on your own. Faith is believing that God will bring you through because there is no possible way that you can do it yourself.
You can't do it yourself.
You just can't.
But God can.
Hold on to your faith.
Sjschafer
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Stephanie!
Surely our God who knows them can meet and help them , more than any human can. He alone knows all your pains, your struggles, your questioning of Him, your doubts, your fear. Ask Him to show you the way to walk each day. Live day by day, cast all your cares and burdens to Him, let Him take over and take Him solve all your problems and answer all your prayers one by one. 