If I'm a professional parent, someone forgot to tell my kids
As some of you know I am a foster parent but in the last month or so our agency has decided to make some changes and start calling us "professional resource parents" and we are to no longer have rules for our children but rather "guidelines" and we aren't supposed to make them mind but rather "suggest the best choice". It has grated on my nerves this whole time so I sat down and started writing instead of venting my frustration and anger at the people in charge. The few people who have actually read it in our foster care agency thought it was funny so I put it under humor. Hopefully there's something in it that will make a few other people smile as well.
Well, this morning when I got up I was bound and determined to be a professional resource parent.
I put on my suit of clothes entwined with all of my professional resource parent training and went to wake up the children.
I remembered to ask them to "please" get out of bed and then to "thank" them for choosing to follow my instructions.
I cooked them all a healthy meal and placed it before them on the table in the kitchen, gently reminding them that we had to leave for school and work at a certain time adding that if they didn't eat they might be hungry before they got lunch.
And that ... that is as far as I got with being a professional resource parent for the day.
BECAUSE ... the 2 year old in the 8 year old body decided to pee in his pants at the table instead of "choosing" to go to the bathroom like I politely asked him to do three times and then because he didn't want to change his clothes right then, he had to throw a big fit.
AND ... the 6 year old in the overgrown 16 year old body decided that arguing was the best choice of action to begin the day.
AND ... the 5 year old in the 11 year old drama queens body couldn't find her backpack, her hair band, or one of her shoes that she just had to wear.
So, we were all late to work and to school and by the time I arrived at work I was as professional as I could be with a chocolate stain smeared across the sleeve of my shirt courtesy of the 2 year old in the 8 year old body, a pee spot on the side of my skirt courtesy of the same child, a mud stain on the hem of my skirt courtesy of the backpack of the 5 year old in the 11 year old drama queen's body from where it had been left outside in the rain all night, and a scowl on my face courtesy of the 6 year old in the 16 year olds body.
How exactly do we explain to a 2 year old in an 8 year old body, a 6 year old in a 16 year old body, and a 5 year old in an 11 year olds body that we are "professionals" and they need to respond to us accordingly?
Am I being sarcastic? You bet I am ... but I am also being truthful. I am a lot of things to a lot of people.
As a mom and wife alone, I am a professional:
cook
maid
chauffer
counselor
menu planner
social organizer
movie and tv critic
spiritual advisor
dispute claims manager
homework tutor
laundry personnel
nurse
mind reader
audience for any number of performances
accountant
bank
gardener
story teller
career advisor
and a whole host of other things that I can't even think of at the moment ...
BUT I am not a professional parent because I do not have professional children. You see my goal is that they don't remain as kids forever but that they actually grow up and learn to take responsibility for their actions and their choices knowing that people aren't always going to be fair to them and that life isn't only filled with natural consequences for their actions. Because when they grow up and get a job no one is going to tell them that it is their choice to come to work or not and that the result will be a smaller pay check for them. They will simply get fired. And no police officer is going to stop and take the time to explain to them that if they choose to drink a beer and then drive 80 mph in a 35 mph speed zone and hurt someone else that they will regret it for the rest of their life. He is simply going to haul them off to jail.
To me, if I want these children to see what it's like to live in a normal family and to eventually be able to heal from their past wounds (which I understand are very real), they need to know that rules are rules and sometimes we have to follow them whether they are fair or not and whether we want to or not. It's not a choice, it just has to be done. They need to know that sometimes life just stinks and how to deal with those times. They need to see that people can have conflict with one another and no one will leave or die or hurt someone else but will find a way to work it out. They need to see that it takes everyone doing their part, them included, to make a family work. They need to know that they are not always going to be the center of attention. They need to have a real life with real people in it. They need to know that no one is going to let them make bad choices over and over and over again and just shake their heads and say "oh well, we tried". They need to see that sometimes life isn't about doing what's right and what's best for everyone but what has to be done here and now to get through the day.
They need to learn compromise and forgiveness, honesty and perserverance, determination and failure and above all else what love really is with all of it's ups and downs and bumps along the path ... because when there is nothing left, there is love.
It's great if whoever on the business end of the deal wants to call us "professional parents" and to them it probabaly is just a professional business deal and nothing more ... but we are the ones who clean up the vomit at 2 in the morning and act as a punching bag for an 8 year olds rage. It's not just a job to us that we go to and act as a professional for a certain number of hours in a day and then clock out and go home. It is our life and the lives of these children we are talking about ... not a job, not a paycheck at the end of the month, not a business plan with goals and objectives to meet.
Every child is a blessing from God and a gift that needs to be cherished ... and they need parents who aren't professionals that just set goals for them and let natural consequences be their guide but who care enough to make the decisions for them and help teach them what life is really like and how to deal with it as it comes.
Be blessed,
Erin
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Author: throughfaith
Location: Blackwell Oklahoma USA
Gender: Female
Age: 43
Blog Entries: 110 (archive)
Blog Comments: 166
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