Whew! who would have thought this whole forgiveness thing would be so hard, Christian Blog, Christian Blogs, ChristianBlog.Com

Whew! who would have thought this whole forgiveness thing would be so hard

Recently I have come to the understanding that I have some forgiving to do in respect to a certain person in my life ... in my families life. At first I thought, ok, I'll let this person know what they did and see if we can talk about it and whatever happens, I'll forgive him anyway.

So through a kind of long and complicated process, I ceased to communicate with this person in any extraneous matter and addressed what I saw as "the problem". I tried to be as honest as I could and stay focused on the issue and listen when he spoke. And I prayed. As I said, I had decided that I was going to forgive him no matter what he said or did in relation to "the problem".

So I wrote out a big long email to him and he came to the house and he and my husband and I sat in the living room and talked. He addressed a couple of things I mentioned and apologized without ever admitting he did anything wrong. Several of the issues he commented that "it isn't the right time to discuss that yet". And a few things, even after I brought them up, he refused to make any comment on whatsoever.

I didn't push. I let him say what he wanted and address what he wanted. I had decided I was going to forgive him anyway no matter what he did so I told myself it didn't matter if he addressed everything or not.

At least that's what I told myself ...

yeah, well, uh huh ...

but it just ticked me off all over again. And then he called me the next day and we were discussing a matter and he did something that he had apologized for doing the day before ... AGAIN. He did it AGAIN.

This whole forgiving my brother thing is a whole lot harder than I thought it was going to be.

You know, it would be easy if we lived in a vacuum because then something could happen once and we could put it in suspended animation and forgive it and it could disappear and we could start all over again. That one incident could be wisked away forever and we wouldn't remember that it happened and it wouldn't cloud anything else that happened in the future.

But we don't. We live in a world where we have to forgive constantly and often for the same things over and over and over and over and over and over again.

The one thing that I have the hardest time forgiving that this man does ... he constantly puts my husband down. Anything he can find to make a snide comment about something my husband said or did, he will find and use. If my husband forgets to tell me something, then he will comment about how poor our communication skills must be and how my husband just doesn't remember anything important ... but he doesn't know that my husband had four other phone calls directly after the one with him where he was told to tell me something and that my husband then didn't see me until 8:00 that night. If my husband doesn't come to a counseling session for one of the kids (which isn't necessary by any stretch of anyone's imagination), then he'll comment that my husband just doesn't support me the way he should. It is never ending.

And yet, I know his wife and there are many many things that I could say about her and their marriage ... but I don't. Any time I see something that I could comment on, I ask that God will bless them instead and I would love it if he would just do the same for us.

And then he lied to us ... and he lied about us ...

Why is that so hard to forgive? The lies. They just undermine everything. Even when someone lies for a good reason, to keep someone from being hurt, or to help someone in some way ... when the lie is found out is still wrecks havoc.

How do we do this Lord? How do we forgive as you have forgiven us? How do we look past the lies and the hurtful remarks and the insincere apologies? How do we overcome the past so it doesn't cloud the future? How do we forgive the same thing yet again today and tomorrow and the next day too?

erin

posted: 07/04/2009 01:10am by throughfaith View: Backlinks, Permalink Total Views: 129 ShortURL: http://christianblog.com/ff51 Category: Christian Life	Print This Blog Entry
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Many things come to mind. Of course on purely the forgiveness thing, there is the 70 times 7 that Jesus spoke about.

There appears to be a spiritual aspect to this situation that is going to pose problems. Until and unless it is dealt with, your willingness to forgive will only feed the monster. The bit about "lies" certainly indicates this is more than just a situation dealing full of simple mistakes and oversights. There seems to be a pattern of things done to belittle and tear down followed by using these things to justify other problems.

For your part, all you can to is forgive and keep holding the person's feet to the fire and accountable for mistakes and deliberate things done to hurt and bring upon you pressure. God will provide answers in His due season, He will.

I will be praying for a quick resolution to this whole mess.

Blessings,
B2Y

Posted 07/04/2009 02:12am
Author: blessings2you

Dear Erin,

My brother-in-law who is a wonderful medical social worker had the same problem as you. He had a new boss who belittled him every time and every day she saw him. She was a politician with less years of service and less qualified than he. Everyone knew that my brother-in-law would not hurt anyone - he is too nice a guy. She just wanted to exert her authority to control him as she felt insecure though she was the big boss' favorite for other reasons than professionalism. I witnessed how my brother-in-law and my sister bore the hurt and how they languished in unforgiveness for two years as we talked almost everyday about what happened in the office at dinner time and wondered how to resolve the situation.

Isaiah 26:3-5 says : Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee; because he trusteth in thee. Trust ye in the Lord for ever; for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength; for he bringeth down them that dwell on high; the lofty city he layeth it low, even to the ground; he bringeth it even to the dust.

When my brother-in-law recognized that she was controlling him as he reacted negatively to her taunting by her own subtle ways and words against him as a Christian, we decided that he should stop letting her control him. Every time he saw her, he stayed his mind on the Lord and acknowledged that the Lord was in control. So whatever she said was not allowed to disturb the peace of mind which the Lord gave to him because he rejected it as it was not true and as it was spoken not outright to her but in his spirit. He trusted the Lord to get him out of the situation. There was then nothing to forgive for he rejected all the lies in the Name of the Lord and looked to Him to help him overcome..and the Lord did as his heart was right before the Lord and he turned the problem to the Lord. She was there but not her lies because the Lord took care of her for him and as verse 5 says she was brought low not by any of his acts but her own with her boss. Sometimes, we are allowed to bear a difficult situation because the Lord wants to teach us a new thing -in my brother-in-law's case,it was his over-sensitivity to lies. He learnt to trust the Lord in the face of "persecution" . There is nothing like staying your mind on the Lord rather than the adversary. I pray that you will also learn this secret so that forgiveness can flow. Praying for you.

ptl2008

Posted 07/04/2009 03:16am
Author: ptl2008

Dear Erin,

I have a story in which I struggled with forgiveness. If knowing more specific details of what exactly would help you, please PM me because while I'm willing to share that information, it is such that I prefer to share it one to one rather than publicly for several reasons. I'm only sharing this much here because I want you or anyone else reading this to understand I'm not talking lightly about forgiveness. I will share this much however, in hopes of helping you and others see how God helped me to forgive.

The person I needed to forgive did time for their actions...not against me specifically but others to whom they had done the same. The person was a relative of my mother's as well... that complicates things even more because they were family. They had known me all of my life.

One day, years after it had happened, out of nowhere, God spoke to my heart. I wasn't in church, I wasn't praying, I was just at home...in the bathtub of all places after a long exhausting day! Ahhh!!!!! You never know where God will catch you... LOL!

God suddenly spoke to my heart from out of nowhere and said "You need to forgive... " That got me out of my reverie rather quickly to say the least! Where did that come from? I quickly snapped back... "I have... when they come and ask for it I will tell them I've forgiven them."

God gently let me know that was not how things were done. He reminded me of how He extended forgiveness to me before I ever asked for it... and I had to do the same. I was crying by then because I knew I had to do it. I had to really forgive but I couldn't...

I was honest with God, Erin. I told Him I couldn't. He didn't get angry at me. Instead, He gently told me that He knew it was too hard for me. A terrible thing had happened and He was sorry He had to allow it to happen to me. Tears came to my eyes as I realized I had also been angry at God for allowing it to take place.

I found myself sobbing in God's arms for just a bit. When that subsided, He let me know that while I could not do it, Christ, who is alive in me, could. However, I had to take the first step... I had to choose to allow Him to help me forgive.

That day, I found myself unclenching my fist. I was honest with God and began to pray...
I can't do it. I cannot forgive them. I need you to help me do it. Please help me to forgive them... and at that moment forgiveness came! Not a forced forgiveness but true forgiveness!

Have they ever come to me personally and asked it? No. That's not important. That's between them and God. However, I have watched in the years since, this person's life turn around. I have watched them restored in relationship to God. I've been in their home and they have been in mine. I can walk up and hug them and know I have truly forgiven that which many in the world would deem unforgivable.

They're in the last stages of stage 4 cancer now. I don't know how much longer they will have in this world. However I am rejoicing that they are at peace with God now and so am I.

Unforgiveness will destroy you. It is important to remember what David wrote after the prophet Nathan came to him after David committed adultery with Bathsheba.

Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest. Psalm 51:4

Ultimately, when someone sins, it is against God and God alone. This means any act committed against you or your husband is committed against God. That's a fearsome thing, isn't it. So, we must rely on the One who was wronged (God) to help us forgive... so that we might be healed, made strong and blessed.
Do not let this person rob you of your joy!

Blessings :princess:

Erin!

Posted 07/04/2009 07:13am
Author: kreynolds

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