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Category: Humor |
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There are signposts, and then there are signposts from heaven |
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Posted by:
kiwibird (Posted: 07/02/2009 9:09pm)
I decided that today needed a little brightening up and the contents of the email from my daughter just seem to ‘fit the bill’.
The email itself had photographs of signs outside of churches. The signs themselves don’t do anything for me but I confess to having a chuckle or two at the messages.
1. Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the snake and the snake didn’t have a leg to stand on
2. There are some questions that can’t be answered by Google
3. Down in the mouth? Come for a face lift!
4. God, you’re Great
5. Let us help you study for your final exams
6. All services are different.. We leave repeats to TV
7. As you pass this little church, be sure to plan a visit
So when at last you’re carried in, God won’t ask “who is it?”
8. Can’t sleep? Don’t count sheep, talk to the Shepherd
9. Speak well of your enemies..after all, you made them
10. God is perfect, only man makes misteaks
11. The meek shall inherit the earth..if it’s all right with you
12. Happy Easter to our Christian friends
Happy Passover to our Jewish friends
To our atheist friends..Good...
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- Category: Humor - 3 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by kreynolds)
- Total Views: 44
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Summer School Sickness! |
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Posted by:
harleyquinn (Posted: 06/25/2009 9:24am)
Well for a month I have summer school and you'd think it would be totally great, I'll get to meet new people as well as have something to do for the day.
Wrong!
I can't even call it "Summer School," I'm forced (not really) to call it "Summer P.E." That's right, there's lots of running and sweating and as much as I love those two activities, this "Summer P.E." is awful! Not only do we have to run 2 miles by two weeks, (I'm on week two), but we are obligated to run it in 8-9 minutes. For me, I can only run a mile in around 14 minutes and I play soccer which involves tons of running!
But! Yes, there is a but!
If we do our excersizes and "behave," like no talking or laughing while the lesson is being taught, we don't need to run 2 miles and we can run only 1 if we want. But still! running isn't exactly what I would call the "funnest" thing in the world, but I do think it's important. You never know, you can be attacked and the only escape can be running. Or you might be in a race,...
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- Category: Humor - 0 Comments - Total Views: 0
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Good news. Grandpa is NOT icky! |
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Posted by:
aliveintheword (Posted: 06/20/2009 9:26am)
Well, we're back again with another story about my eldest granddaughter. There is no great inspiration in this. It is just comforting and funny.
This occured about 2 years ago as the little princess was approaching 3 years old. We were in a grocery store together and I was putting some fresh meat into a plastic bag.
Princess: Why are you putting the hamburger in the bag grandpa?
GP: Because it's icky.
P: Noooo grandpa, BOYS are icky! That's ookie.
Well, grandpa was learning somethng here.
GP: What about me princess? I'm a boy.
She did not hesitate even a moment. My tiny princess put her hand on her hip, gave some good little girl hip action, looked up and away from me and said: Well, I suppose we can make an exception.
It's good to know grandpa has reached the suppose ranks at least.
I never have a clue where this stuff is going to come from, but I dearly love it.
Shalom,
Art
Alive in The Word...
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- Category: Humor - 3 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by poodlelady)
- Total Views: 74
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A Dinner Fit for a Queen |
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Posted by:
cowgirldiva (Posted: 06/06/2009 5:58pm)
Today is my mom's birthday. As in typical wholesome fashion, all she wanted for a present was not to cook or do the dishes. That's all? Hmm... I can swing that! One thing you must know about me is this: I <span><s>hate</s></span> dislike cooking. Very much. I pretty much eat just to survive so (forgive me if I step on some toes! :frown I just don't like preparing fancy cooking! Not that I've had much experience in the first place... in fact... come to think of it, I've never cooked a full-course fancy meal all by myself before!
At this point, I think I know what you're thinking and... yes! The house is still standing! The toaster oven may be a little worse for wear...
Anywho, at first, like the amateur cooking rookie I am, I start off with big dreams.
Appetizer: potato skins (my mom loves those!)
Salad
Bread: croissants
Veggetable: buttered green beans minus the almonds
Main course: steaks
Dessert: brownies!
Now, for an experienced chef this may seem boringly easy, but for me... it's Mount Everest. Already. Because, as it seems to me, it is devillishly hard to get everything done all at the same time.
Of...
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- Category: Humor - 9 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by aliveintheword)
- Total Views: 27
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A 3 year old tricks her mom using Noah's Ark |
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Posted by:
aliveintheword (Posted: 06/01/2009 11:46am)
My eldest granddaughter has the Fisher-Price Noah's Ark toy set. It has always been one of her favorites. When I was visting a bit over a year ago, I observed her using it to play (trick) her mother.
Rachel's younger sister also loves playing with this toy set, which was in Rachel's room. This room was a mess of toys scattered all over the floor. Her mother asked her to pick things up. Well, Princess Rachel wasn't much in the mood for "picking up." Lauren had been playing with the Ark set. Mom asked Rachel "Do you want the Ark anymore or should I put it in Lauren's room?"
"I'm done with it, you can take it to her room" Rachel replied immediately and without looking up, continuing to play with her new kitchen. Mom promptly picked it up and moved it into the other bedroom.
Mom had no more than turned the corner when Rachel said quietly to me "It's OK. I'll get it back when I want it."
Kids are incredibly smart, even at very young ages. She'd simply "played" her mom into doing something she didn't want to do herself.
The next morning, Noah and his Ark...
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- Category: Humor - 2 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by aliveintheword)
- Total Views: 86
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The interesting menu of a 2 year old |
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Posted by:
aliveintheword (Posted: 05/29/2009 4:33am)
Last night I had an interesting conversation with my granddaughters. The 4 (nearly FIVE, thank you very much) year old was her normal joyful self, giving me the same routine of "knock-knock" jokes I get each time I talk with her. At least these have punch lines.
Then I talked to the two year old, getting the same "knock-knock" jokes as I had from her sister, but delivered in an entirely different style. This child wants nothing more than to be, we nearly FIVE!
I'd called during their supper, so I asked her:
Pop Pop: What are you eating L?
L: Noodles.
PP: Are you drinking milk?
L: No.
PP: Are you drinking juice?
L: No.
PP: L, what are you drinking?
L: Peas!
I guess when they come to visit next month, I'll be searching the drink aisles for liquid peas. At least it sounds healthy.
Ahhhh, the joys of being Pop Pop! There's just nothing like it!
Shalom,
Art
Alive in The Word...
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- Category: Humor - 1 Comment (by poodlelady)
- Total Views: 85
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Getting off the stage-coach...! |
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Posted by:
tohimbeglory (Posted: 05/15/2009 10:30am)
Now that felt good. Getting off the stage-coach and into the inn. Sound like the scene of western movie in Rio Bravo or somewhere in some dusty town of the old west. And we I get off the stage-coach I go to my summer house in the country-my blogger account.
We got thing going elsewhere, but we just want to take it easy and try to think clearly for second. We've been running round and round the web and we just want to retire here for the evening. Now where do you think I would go with such as this introduction.
Well let's pray and hopefully God can tell us what and in what direction he has numbered our steps. We went into some web hosting but we were not to satified with the results. We want to be where the fish are.
We've made lots of friends here in this site and written quite a bit of blogs and had some view and comments on those blogs. Someblogs were out-lawed and some held at gun-point and some ambushed. But most of the cattle made it safe to the corral.
There this certian person in this site one old and...
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- Category: Humor - 0 Comments - Total Views: 71
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If I'm a professional parent, someone forgot to tell my kids |
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Posted by:
throughfaith (Posted: 05/07/2009 9:55pm)
As some of you know I am a foster parent but in the last month or so our agency has decided to make some changes and start calling us "professional resource parents" and we are to no longer have rules for our children but rather "guidelines" and we aren't supposed to make them mind but rather "suggest the best choice". It has grated on my nerves this whole time so I sat down and started writing instead of venting my frustration and anger at the people in charge. The few people who have actually read it in our foster care agency thought it was funny so I put it under humor. Hopefully there's something in it that will make a few other people smile as well.
Well, this morning when I got up I was bound and determined to be a professional resource parent.
I put on my suit of clothes entwined with all of my professional resource parent training and went to wake up the children.
I remembered to ask them to "please" get out of bed and then to "thank" them for choosing to follow my instructions.
I cooked them all a healthy meal and placed it before...
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- Category: Humor - 4 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by throughfaith)
- Total Views: 127
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So.... who's on first? |
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Posted by:
cowgirldiva (Posted: 05/06/2009 6:05pm)
One of my favorite comedic routines is "Who's on First" by Abbott and Costello. I thought I'd post this timeless classic on here for enjoyment and a few laughs. Enjoy!
Abbott: Well Costello, I'm going to New York with you. You know Bucky Harris, the Yankee's manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team.
Costello: Look Abbott, if you're the coach, you must know all the players.
Abbott: I certainly do.
Costello: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team.
Abbott: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names.
Costello: You mean funny names?
Abbott: Strange names, pet names...like Dizzy Dean...
Costello: His brother Daffy.
Abbott: Daffy Dean...
Costello: And their French cousin.
Abbott: French?
Costello: Goofè.
Abbott: Goofè Dean. Well, let's see, we have on the bags, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...
Costello: That's what I want to find out.
Abbott: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third....
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- Category: Humor - 3 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by alight)
- Total Views: 15
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More insight on golf, bowling and other "sports", not that it is important |
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Posted by:
blessings2you (Posted: 04/27/2009 10:45am)
I have been thinking (a fairly dangerous activity for me) about things as the debate rages on concerning the pros and cons of golf on "bethy's" blog. One of the things I have been thinking about is what did people do in Jesus' time to relax and unwind? I don't think they have uncovered any ancient golf courses in Egypt or Israel. I am also quite sure they haven't found any traces of baseball diamonds, football or soccer fields or even one badminton net.
So, the question becomes one of how people dealt with the stress of living and working. We know that drinking wine was a big deal along with having huge parties. We know up north they held Olympic Games far back in history. In Rome the people were entertained by gladiators and chariot races. But, nowhere do find anything historically that would indicate people participated in either team sports or individual sporting activities outside of wrestling and track and field events.
I made a silly comment on the golfing blog about "rocks". The more I think about it, maybe it wasn't all silliness. Back when golf was first invented they certainly didn't have the knowhow to wind...
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- Category: Humor - 5 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by kreynolds)
- Total Views: 237
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Golf, a menace on society or therapy? |
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Posted by:
bethy (Posted: 04/27/2009 1:59am)
GOLF- a menace on society, or therapy?
My friends over these past few months one topic had been lying heavily on my heart. A topic from which I have tried to run from, a topic whose very existence undoes all the work and encouragement of my mentor... This topic of whose name I dare only speak in whispers is... golf, or to be more specific the golf club.
Before I go any further I know that by writing what is lying on my heart I may inadvertently cause division in this community. This my friends is not my intention, rather my intention is to instruct and correct.
May I start with a little background info? You will find as with any scourge on society the beginnings are always a good indicator of future trouble. And the roots of golf and the golf club are certainly no different.
My friends did you know that Golf was first noticed in and around Edinburgh around the 1500's. This "sport" became so popular amongst the upper class and the soldiers of the day, that the king banned this vile practice. Why? Well.. I will tell you!
The king found that while these men were...
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- Category: Humor - 25 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by papillionkiller)
- Total Views: 348
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Embarrassment is really good for you |
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Posted by:
4micah68 (Posted: 04/26/2009 9:03am)
At school on Friday we were discussing embarrassment and how it is part of life. We shared some of our embarrassing experiences except that I refused to share my childhood ones because I knew the children would not only never forget them but repeat them endlessly to their friends.
Pride comes before a fall
I try to see my embarrassments as a response to Peter's exhortation: 'humble yourselves' (1 Peter 5:5-6). So I swallow hard and praise the Lord when I am embarrassed. How about this for a dose of blushing:
• When I was five I wet myself at school and had to spend playtime wearing only a coat while my trousers and underclothes dried out. It was so traumatic it is my only early school memory!
• When I was fourteen I charged up the stairs of the school bus and ended up with my head right up a girl's skirt when everyone came to a halt.
• My son asked me to go back to his house and pick something up but as I was fiddling around trying to get the key to work, the door suddenly opened and his neighbour appeared looking menacing - "Oops, sorry,...
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- Category: Humor - 3 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by shanijane)
- Total Views: 94
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Here is your Saturday dose of humor to help you smile |
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Posted by:
blessings2you (Posted: 04/25/2009 2:41am)
Well, it is Saturday and that means it occasionally is time for a little HUMOR to brighten up your weekend. First up is a valuable lesson to be learned.
**********
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol - Dead
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead
Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.
So the Minister asked the congregation - What did you learn from this demonstration???
An old lady was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, 'As long as you drink, smoke, and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!'
That pretty much ended the service -
*************
Here are some actual church bulletins and proof that even churches should invest...
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- Category: Humor - 8 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by blessings2you)
- Total Views: 197
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The boogey man was knocking on my door - or is it? |
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Posted by:
holeymoley (Posted: 04/24/2009 8:24am)
Lying in my bed, late at night, chills travel up my spine when I hear the door creaking open. BANG! My heart in my throat I close my eyes for fear of what I might see. creeeaaaak, BANG! It sounds like something is banging my door open and closed. I sit up in my bed and realise it is my cupboard door that is causing the sound. As my eyes adjusted to the dark I saw the little devil that caused it.
Cindy, my cat, was having a marvelous time hitting the door closed as it swung back to her.
It goes to show that the silliest things can scare us. Funny enough my cat went and hid in my mother's cupboard and scared her silly too!
My mother first thought some kind of demonic power was trying to scare her and then my Cindy pranced out from the cupboard, completely satisfied with herself....
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- Category: Humor - 0 Comments - Total Views: 77
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Don't laugh when that lady laughs like a horse |
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Posted by:
holeymoley (Posted: 04/21/2009 11:14am)
Every Sunday, I'd sit at the back and listen to the sermon. I always laughed at this lady in about the fifth row who laughs like a horse. People have named her Eyore. She doesn't mind her reputation and doesn't hold back on her unique laugh, I think she knew what was coming.
One Sunday evening when the pastor prayed, a holy laughter erupted out of me and guess what? As loud as a bullhorn I laughed like a horse for an hour and a half! I have never enjoyed myself so much though, I slept like a baby at night and felt the peace of God heavy on me for days.
But I learned something in this. While my dad was carrying me out, that lady said to me "Now you know how I feel!" Golly I never made fun of her again. It's so funny the way God prunes these little things out of us. We all have flaws in our nature and it might not be noticeable or harmful, but God in us is constantly changing us according to His nature. One part is His humour, which is so prevalent in His methods sometimes.
God sits on...
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- Category: Humor - 2 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by kiwibird)
- Total Views: 91
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the aussie dictionary for alight and co. |
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Posted by:
shanijane (Posted: 04/20/2009 6:47pm)
OK. so here is a short list of aussue slang to help u guys out.
G'Day : hello!
Bloke : man, guy
Bushman's hanky : Emitting nasal mucus by placing one index finger on the outside of the nose (thus blocking one nostril) and blowing.
Chunder : vomit
Fair dinkum : true, genuine
Galah : fool, silly person. Named after the bird of the same name because of its antics and the noise it makes.
Going off : used of a night spot or party that is a lot of fun - "the place was really going off"
Give it a burl : try it, have a go
Larrikin : a bloke who is always enjoying himself, harmless prankster
Never Never : the Outback, centre of Australia
The scrub AKA the boonies: the bush
Ocker : an unsophisticated person
Rack off : push off! get lost! get out of here! also "rack off hairy legs!".
Ridgy-didge : original, genuine
You Little Ripper! : Exclamation of delight or as a reaction to good news
Roo bar : stout bar fixed to the front of a vehicle to protect it against hitting kangaroos (also bull bar)
Aussie salute : brushing flies away...
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- Category: Humor - 15 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by cowgirldiva)
- Total Views: 170
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It's discrimination I tell you, and it's outrageous! |
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Posted by:
kraftykatz (Posted: 04/20/2009 8:54am)
It's discrimination I tell you, and it's outrageous!
After church we drove to the restaurant to wait for my daughter, son-in-law and son. As we were waiting in the front area, I needed to use the ladies room. My husband pointed to a sign saying restrooms.
When I arrive at that one, the sign on the door says 'MEN'. I must walk through the entire restaurant around all the very crowed tables to the very back of the dining area to find the door that says "WOMEN".
This happens at almost every establishment, even church. The ladies room is down a long hallway and is the last door on the left near the side exit door.
That is discrimination!!
Why must we women be the furthest down the hallway or at the back? Why is this so? The designs of many kitchens are also not at all practical.
But then most architects are men.
Well lets face it, if the men had to navigate their way through a large room filled with tables and people to find a restroom at the back of the building, they would probably get lost.
This little vignette is intended to be humorous. It was...
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- Category: Humor - 19 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by kiwibird)
- Total Views: 277
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Snow in Denver, Colorado Incriminates a Fellow Blogger |
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Posted by:
cowgirldiva (Posted: 04/18/2009 3:57pm)
My fellow CB'ers,
*Deep breath* What I'm going to type is not for the squimish. It incriminates a very special blogger on CB and she must be stopped before it goes too far. We don't need any snow in July thank you very much.
I recently learned that yesterday, Denver, Colorado just got 38 inches of snow! In April. Now, I honestly don't want to point fingers--K --but it seems that there is a common denominator here. And I'm not the only one who thinks so. I'm sure there are plently of others who would agree with me. No, really! I'm not crazy!
Now, K was in Colorado not that long ago, and while she was there, it snowed in Georgia but was just lovely here in Minnesota. When she came back to Minnesota, it snowed a week later! And now, a few weeks after K comes back to Minnesota, it snows in Colorado.
First her door is frozen open, and now snow stroms follow her!?
Coincidence? I think... not!...
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- Category: Humor - 21 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by cowgirldiva)
- Total Views: 80
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K Goes To Dairy Queen And Discovers An Effective Treatment For Colds |
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Posted by:
kreynolds (Posted: 04/15/2009 8:06pm)
It is no secret that I, K have a vice. Yes, I have a vice. It is called...chocolate! I can hear some of my friends yelling in the background.
What's that? Okay. I have two vices. The other one is called ice cream.
"What's that Gracie? Yes, there is a third vice. I have three vices. The third one is Coke Zero.
No, Kbird, you cannot negotiate a book about my vices. You're supposed to be my friend. A motion picture shot in New Zealand?
No! I mean nothing against New Zealand by any means but we are not doing a motion picture about my vices.
B2Y, quit taking research notes! I am not going to be research material for a blog about vices. Alight, you've been taking pictures of me? No, don't give those pictures to B2Y or Kbird for that matter. Give them here! Can you help me get them Gracie, Blest, Poo, Bethy, AJ, M...anyone?
I'm trying to write a serious blog about the miracle treatment I've discovered for...the common head cold. No one is interested in hearing about my flaws. They're interested in learning about my big breakthrough in the area of treating colds. This is...
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- Category: Humor - 15 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by kreynolds)
- Total Views: 228
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Cool One Liners |
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Posted by:
melvos (Posted: 04/15/2009 5:15am)
7 days without prayer makes one weak.
A life without God is hardly a life at all.
B-basic I-instructions B-before L-leaving E-earth
Be an organ donor, give your heart to God.
Every time you say a bitter word Every time something nasty is heard Every time you think something crude Every time someone's being rude If you need something to pull you through Ask yourself, "What would Jesus do?"
Friends don't let friends go to Hell.
God always makes you smile cause he believes in you so always make him smile and believe in Him.
Got Jesus? Because its Hell without Him!
He died for me. I live for Him.
He doesn't love us cuz of who we are, He only loves us cuz of who He is.
I am so addicted. I started and I can't stop. I think about it every night when I go out. I can't stop doing it. I'm addicted to God!
I believe in "The Big Bang Theory" - God said it and BANG, it happened.
It's not what God can do for you but what you can do for God.
Jesus is my homeboy.
Life has many choices, eternity has two.
Life is...
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- Category: Humor - 1 Comment (by aliveintheword)
- Total Views: 58
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Was your Easter ham kosher? |
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Posted by:
aliveintheword (Posted: 04/14/2009 1:36pm)
Was your Easter ham kosher?
Last week, I asked this of many customers as they purchased a ham for their Easter feast. Huh... A KOSHER ham! Nerver heard of such a thing.
Old Moshe would be rolling in his grave, wouldn't he. Would that make him a Holy Roller?
Well, I was selective in the people I asked this question, people I knew or recoginzed. People who know I have a sense of humor that is a bit off much of the time. But I had a purpose is asking this question.
Most, as they purchased their Easter hams also had an assortment of other things, eggs, stuffed bunnies, dyes, mucho wine. Often they had children with them who were very excited about Easter and all the gifts and celebration. And we should celebrate! There is no more wonderful time than Easter. What is represented by that celebration is the, THE greatest event in all of creation. What a wonderful time for family to gather and celebrate.
But too often, we forget to celebrate the true meaning of Easter, the resurrection of our living Lord and Savior. My mention of the "kosher ham" was a gentle reminder of what Easter...
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- Category: Humor - 7 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by girlforgod)
- Total Views: 164
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Dear CB Friends, I Did Not Leave The Door Open This Time! |
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Posted by:
kreynolds (Posted: 04/07/2009 6:56am)
Dear CB Friends,
I take my pen in hand...oops, I don't have a pen. Let's see... I take my keyboard in hand. That's better. Okay, I'll try this again.
********************
Dear CB Friends,
I take my keyboard in hand to try to clear up a misunderstanding. I am not in Minnesota at the moment. I am in Colorado. I have been in Colorado since Sunday. Colorado is southwest of Minnesota. Therefore, I am not responsible for the current cold weather reaching all the way down to Atlanta. I have already had some remarks coming my way which is why I am issuing this statement:
K is not responsible for the current cold snap as she is basking under blue skies in the Rocky Mountains. The high today is supposed to be 68 degrees.
As you can clearly see, should I open the door at this moment, you would not be getting cold weather nor would you be getting snow. What did you say? You people need to speak up, your teeth are chattering.
You want me to open the door now? Would you people please make up your mind! Open, shut, open shut. You would think I am the "official"...
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- Category: Humor - 12 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by cowgirldiva)
- Total Views: 169
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Three Bullets |
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Posted by:
poodlelady (Posted: 03/30/2009 6:31am)
I received this from a friend and thought it worth sharing. If I new how to do one of those little survey things I'd add one. Since I don't I'll just let you all decide -Which would you have done -be honest you don't have to tell anyone else
Three Bullets
There once was a man who had nothing for his family to eat. He had an old rifle and three bullets. So, he decided that he would go out hunting and kill some wild game for dinner. As he went down the road, he saw a rabbit. He shot at the rabbit and missed it. The rabbit ran away. Then he saw a squirrel and fired a shot at the squirrel and missed it. The squirrel disappeared into a hole in a cottonwood tree. As he went further, he saw a large wild 'Tom' turkey in the tree, but he had only one bullet remaining.
A voice spoke to him and said, 'Pray first, aim high and stay focused.However, at the same time, he saw a deer which was a better kill. He brought the gun down and aimed at the deer. But, then he saw a rattlesnake between...
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- Category: Humor - 2 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by luckyone)
- Total Views: 145
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Why God Never Married |
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Posted by:
matthewedmunds (Posted: 03/29/2009 1:51pm)
I don't think God got married for a few reasons. First , He wouldn't be right all the time. I could hear His wife saying, "Honey, you don't have to be right all the time; It's always about you! Your so Jealous!" I could hear God respond with, "Honey, I know how you feel, I know you better than anyone, I know what you're thinking", and she would say, "Ofcourse you know what I'm thinking, You always know what I'm thinking, EVEN BEFORE I THINK IT!" I could also imagine what His wife would say with His plan for salvation. "YOUR NOT PUTTING MY SON ON THE CROSS! IF YOU WANT TO GO THEN YOU GO!" I could hear God asking his wife if she wants to play a game. She might say "I don't want to play, you always win." And finally I could hear God say, honey, if you would just trust and worship me. I can give you peace and hope, comfort, and joy." She would say, "WHAT???, I'LL GIVE YOU SOME PEACE; A PIECE OF MY MIND, YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE COMFORT YOU WANT...ON THE COUCH! I COULD FIND JOY IF MY HUSBAND DIDN'T THINK...
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- Category: Humor - 2 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by lfjoito)
- Total Views: 68
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A little better understanding of men, women and grandmas--very little |
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Posted by:
blessings2you (Posted: 03/28/2009 4:07am)
I have been writing many very deep blogs recently, so I thought I better do one of my "patented" Saturday morning humor blogs. The first one is so very true about men that I had to post it:
"Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon
a large raging, violent river.
Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed:
'God, please give me the strength to cross the river.'
Poof! ... . God gave him big arms and strong legs and he
was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.
After witnessing that, the second man prayed: 'God,
please give me strength and the tools to cross the river.'
Poof! ... God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong
legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.
Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man
prayed: 'God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence
to cross the river.'
Poof! ... He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one
hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.
Moral: 'If...
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- Category: Humor - 5 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by cowgirldiva)
- Total Views: 205
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Excuse me but could you lift this mattress off me please? |
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Posted by:
bethy (Posted: 03/19/2009 8:12am)
EXCUSE ME BUT THERE'S A MATTRESS ON ME!!
One of those true story times again my friends, and in the usual Beth style, my true stories usually contain embarrassment, pain or some other painful way of totally humiliating myself.
Yesterday the sun shone in Ireland the temperature was raised and Beth decided to change the bed linen, throw the windows wide and let spring into the house.
At this point I wonder do I need to remind you that though it is spring weather today, it may be winter tomorrow.
Let me get back to my story. The windows were open, the bed linen was fresh and clean and... well, it was lovely. But before I put the linen back on the bed I looked at the mattress and thought... hhmmm I could turn you today.
You see, here is where my life takes another tumble into the pit of embarrassment.
Our mattress is a king sized mattress. In other words it is very very big. My son plus his nebuliser has to fit in at times so we went for the BIG one.
But I am not big you see. I am only five foot. smaller than Anna, but...
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- Category: Humor - 17 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by kreynolds)
- Total Views: 244
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Some humor for your St. Patrick's Day weekend |
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Posted by:
blessings2you (Posted: 03/14/2009 3:35am)
Here we are at another Saturday morning and that means another dose of some B2Y humor. This week I thought I would emphasize "holy humor" since this is a Christian site and most of us seem to think we are pretty good Christians. So, here is your chance to sit back and relax with your Saturday coffee (or tea) and your toast or cereal and enjoy some humor to brighten your St. Patrick's Day weekend.
HOLY HUMOR
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, 'I know what the Bible means!'
His father smiled and replied, 'What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?
The son replied, 'I do know!'
'Okay,' said his father. 'What does the Bible mean?'
'That's easy, Daddy...' the young boy replied excitedly,' It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'
=
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
'Is there anything breakable in here?' asked the postal clerk.
'Only the Ten Commandments.' answered the lady.
'Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world.
There are those who wake up...
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- Category: Humor - 5 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by ptl2008)
- Total Views: 156
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A man and his dog |
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Posted by:
aliveintheword (Posted: 03/10/2009 11:46am)
As I was going to church last Sunday, I saw a man out walking his dog. The man, who was rather large, was walking a brisk pace, the dog trailing on a leash behind. The man had a determined look. He seemed to be quite determined to complete his walk and was in control.
The dog, of fair size, but not really large, suddenly set its feet in order to do its business.
The determined man, staring ahead, walking briskly, was yanked to a sudden stop in what was a classic comedic fashion. Oh, the look on his face as he was not only stopped, but turned around when he reached "the end of his chain".
I had a quiet chuckle as I drove on.
But as I drove, I contemplated how something similar has happened in my life over the past year. I, too, was pressing ahead, facing all of the turmoils of daily life. Yep, things had gotten pretty tough. Finances, job, marraige... none of them seemed to be going so well. But I'd always been able to get things back on course. After all, I'm a bright, successful guy. I've always been able to work through things...
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- Category: Humor - 5 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by aliveintheword)
- Total Views: 168
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Christian Blog Festival: part one and part two |
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Posted by:
blessings2you (Posted: 03/08/2009 11:09pm)
I was thinking the other day about what it would be like if the Christian Blog community ever held a big festival, knowing of course it cannot happen due to privacy issues. At any rate, the idea and the mind pictures were stunning and have brought me so much comfort and joy I thought I would try to produce a "virtual" CBF (Christian Blog Festival).
Needing a place for such a festival is of prime importance, so, since I am the one dreaming this whole thing up, it shall be here at the B2Y ranch in rural Missouri. We have plenty of room so those with special needs (recliners for instance) can park them in our huge living room. "kiwibird" and "poodlelady" among others can look out the gigantic picture window at everyone else and keep an eye on things.
Since there are 4 bathrooms in our home and plenty of trees, everyone should have no problem with release issues. I assume "abelajohnb", as the illustrious leader of this group, should have first dibs on one of the bedrooms upstairs, unless he would prefer to pitch a tent and camp out with his adoring multitudes outside. I certainly would want...
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- Category: Humor - 102 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by blessings2you)
- Total Views: 1260
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EEEEKS! My eyebrows are gone! When did they turn gray? |
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Posted by:
kraftykatz (Posted: 02/27/2009 9:30am)
EEKS! My eyebrows are gone! When did they turn gray?
Sunday morning much to my horror when I looked in the mirror I could not see my eyebrows. I took a closer look. EKKS they're gray! That's why I can't see them. The hair is so thin anyway the gray hair just blends into the skin.
Psalms 94:14
I went to the kitchen and said to me husband as he was reading the newspaper,
"When did my eyebrows turn gray?"
He answered,
"Your eyebrows are gray?"
He looked then said, "Yep they sure are gray!"
EKKS MEN!
I have been covering the gray on the hair of my head for many years now. I know many women and men who do not color the gray. This is not a salvation issue but a personal one. I have known many persons with beautiful gray hair.
Mine is not pretty. It is a dirty washed out looking gray. It gives my skin a gray tone and makes me look frail and sickly. So I have colored my hair from around age 40.
My mother was 60 before she even had one gray hair. Life is not always fair. An eyebrow color pencil...
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- Category: Humor - 5 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by cowgirldiva)
- Total Views: 333
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Spain...Take 2 |
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Posted by:
tohimbeglory (Posted: 02/22/2009 3:44pm)
On our second scene our friend Don Quixote, wants to be dubbed Knight but is having trouble finding a suitable Suitor to do the ceremony. Being lodged in ruddy in he imagines he is on a Castle of a Great Name. And the inn-keeper is the Master of the Castle. The landlord calling Don Quixote mad decides to play along with this thing of Don Quixote and agrees to Knight him, Mr. Freeloader himself. And two ladies there accompany the Master to do the ceremonies of knighthood. The ‘Master' reading the rite book, the rent manual and uttering some pious words somewhat like if he knew any, Knights Don Quixote into the ‘brotherhood'. Don Quixote insisted that he can go to his
conquests unless he follows the rules. Don Quixote was quite a tidy character. To the ‘damsels' he promises to give them their share of his glories. Why Don Quixote is a fair and would not cheat anyone. But he insisted on not carrying a money bag. He expected Miracle to provide. He also insisted that the ‘damsels' of the inn or Castle be called Lady M and Lady T, why they are in the presence of a ‘gentleman'...
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- Category: Humor - 0 Comments - Total Views: 102
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A little humor for Mardi Gras weekend...Very little |
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Posted by:
blessings2you (Posted: 02/21/2009 3:11am)
Since I must be a person of my word and I promised to "bless" you all with some humor, I can think of no better time than now to start. We shall start with a list of questions to ponder the next time you are stuck in traffic, the "express" line at the market or the restroom for an extended amount of time.
**********
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there is not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but has to check when you say the paint is still wet?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
How do...
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- Category: Humor - 10 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by ptl2008)
- Total Views: 218
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Things I have learned about life, animals, and working with children |
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Posted by:
kiwibird (Posted: 02/19/2009 10:13am)
Things I have learned about life, caring for animals and working with children
1. When climbing into a loft to retrieve something you need out of storage always change your mind and get someone else to climb up and get it for you
2. Always ensure that the ambulance man called to rescue you from the loft doesn't stand on the tiny bit of wood that is stopping you from kissing the bedroom floor below
3. If you are likely to fall through the loft into the bedroom, make sure that it is not the bedroom that has been newly decorated
4. It is still possible to emigrate with a broken arm, a husband, two young children, a baby and seven suitcases of luggage
5. Airline staff don't care whether you have a broken arm, a husband, two young children, a baby and seven suitcases of luggage.
6. Always close the laptop when you have finished with it. It makes it much easier to clean after the cat has thrown up on it
7. Never wear open toed sandals when going into the chook run to feed the chickens
8. Broody hens are like menopausal women - safe as long...
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- Category: Humor - 9 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by cowgirldiva)
- Total Views: 179
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A Family of Six Kids is not Always Easy for the Babysitter |
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Posted by:
cowgirldiva (Posted: 02/10/2009 4:32pm)
Ok, now granted, I love kids. They smell like dirt, always have some particle of food right at the corner of their mouth, and usually throw a temper tantrum when I babysit them, but I love kids!
Just Not Five At Once.
Now I can see why my poor, dear mother never ate lunch. And there was only ONE of me.
The day started out fine. Except I had to be there by 8 o'clock. On a weekend i might add but I must remind you, I do love kiddos.
So the parents left and the races started! I had a big long list of info I needed to remember and chores that needed to be done.
The kids watched TV until 9 and then I said that they should fold the laundry. Do you know how hard it is to get a 4 year old to fold laundry? Oh well. I let them keep the TV on so they had something to do while folding, and yes the parents agreed it was ok.
I fed the 2 year old and got her all ready for the day. I went down stairs and all three kids were in front of...
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- Category: Humor - 4 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by kraftykatz)
- Total Views: 130
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An Open Thank You Note To Follow Up My Apology |
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Posted by:
kreynolds (Posted: 02/07/2009 2:17pm)
Dear CB Friends,
I wish to thank those of you to my south and west for your generosity in sending relief my way. Minnesota is beginning to unthaw. Oops, I slipped into my native tongue for a moment and we are only supposed to use English on CB. Hopefully my providing a translation of the word unthaw will allow it's use to be permitted.
unthaw: (Minnesotan) To no longer be in a frozen state as in "I need to unthaw some hamburger."
As a result of your generosity I will do my best to leave the door on the north side of Minnesota open as well as the south this summer in hopes of you will get some cool and comfortable summer breezes. I promise I will leave the screens on so that our state bird, not the loon but the mosquito, does not escape and cause discomfort and destruction in your households.
I'd like to particularly thank Kbird for locating my electric blanket and taking the trouble to send it to me. I have been making good use of it.
I realize there is a limit to your generosity and would never presume to take advantage of you. However,...
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- Category: Humor - 8 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by kiwibird)
- Total Views: 169
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Weekend chuckles for the seriously bored readers |
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Posted by:
blessings2you (Posted: 02/07/2009 5:26am)
It is Saturday morning, the NFL is over for the year, baseball hasn't started, politicians are fighting, and half the country is freezing and the other half wearing shorts. What are we to do to occupy ourselves in this "boring" time leading up to Valentine's Day? Well, I dug deep in the well and came up with some fun and games to help you not go crazy today. I cannot help it if you already are:
First up to bat is a simple quiz. These are not trick questions. The answers are at the end of this post:
1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.
2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?
3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?
4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine;...
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- Category: Humor - 6 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by kiwibird)
- Total Views: 203
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Oh, only slightly... |
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Posted by:
amuse (Posted: 02/06/2009 1:55pm)
I am posting this in humor mostly because everything that transpires in my life, I find, in someway to be at least mildly humorous. For example, have you ever had one of those days when no matter what you are trying to do, it seems that the heavens themselves have decreed you shall have nothing but overt and apparent opposition? For those of you who haven't, just wait, it'll come. For those of us who have, aren't they just a scream? I had one recently where it seemed as though my every move was blocked in one way or another, be it getting out of bed on time that morning, taking a fifteen minute break at work, or (of course) driving somewhere on a highway without nearly being killed, side-swipped, cut off, lost, found, or otherwise on time. This is the part in my prose where I would LoVE nothing more than to tell you that every day I have like this, I rise gracefully and stoicly to the occasion, taking the good with the bad with a smile on my chin. I would LoVE nothing more than to tell you that I refrain from sulking, despair, rebellion, or general...
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- Category: Humor - 1 Comment (by kreynolds)
- Total Views: 60
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Bonus Post: "Back in the day..." |
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Posted by:
blessings2you (Posted: 02/05/2009 10:46am)
***It is February 5th, do you know what that means? Neither do I, but for the sake of providing an introduction, let me make this up. It is time for some B2Y humor!! Thank you, thank you very much. You can stop your applause now.***
***I have no idea where this came from, but I know of a certainty it is perfectly fine to share it with you folks. Some of you will love this and some will scratch their heads in utter disbelief any of these things ever happened. Enjoy:***
"Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?" "We didn't have fast food when I was growing up," I informed him. "All the food was slow."
"C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?"
"It was a place called 'at home'," I explained.
"Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it."
By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious...
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- Category: Humor - 9 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by philruby)
- Total Views: 185
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I love you seems to be the hardest words |
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Posted by:
bethy (Posted: 02/05/2009 2:00am)
My friends I have wonderful news to share..
I have discovered that I have a wonderful gift. Now I discovered this because I have been praying for the ability to do this for a long time.
I have discovered that I can raise my hands in worship when I'm driving!!!!
I can put on Hillsong, I can drive along the road on my own and YES eventually I can raise my hands. But here is where the really cool bit comes in. I can raise both hands into the air, and steer the car with my knee!!! Now is that seriously cool or what??? I can even go around corners doing it as long as I don't drive too fast.
I am so multitalented it just blows me away.
Now, much as I am truly chuffed at the ability to do this, I don't think I'm going to tell hubby of my new and wonderful talent.
I am not so sure he will be as impressed as I am, or, as I hope you are!
You see friends, there are things about me that he does not need to know, not now nor in the future. Sometimes for the sake...
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- Category: Humor - 12 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by lilysvalley)
- Total Views: 341
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An Open Letter Of Apology To Those Who Complained About My Leaving The Door Open |
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Posted by:
kreynolds (Posted: 02/03/2009 5:41pm)
Dear Fellow CB'ers,
It has been brought to my attention, rather forcefully at times, that there are those of you who objected vehemently to my habit of leaving the door open up here in beautiful Minnesota otherwise known as the place Jesus and Alight take roadtrips to in the summertime. Wow! That's a great run on sentence isn't it. Ahem...back on topic. Where was I? Oh yes, I remember.
There are those here, who shall remain nameless to protect the guilty, who seem to feel one time is a mistake but multiple times is a different story. Therefore, in the interest of promoting good-will and harmony, I have decided to post this apology as well as an explanation for my actions.
First of all, I did not mean for this to happen earlier this winter. I was simply opening the door facing south hoping to get just a bit of warmth. I just cracked it open a bit but an unforeseen wind pushed it wide open and due to the windchill factors exceeding -40 at times, I discovered to my horror that it was frozen open.
Now, I do realize that some of you are delicate...I mean unprepared for this...
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- Category: Humor - 16 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by cowgirldiva)
- Total Views: 235
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Pardon My Parody but it is Super Bowl Sunday for most |
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Posted by:
blessings2you (Posted: 02/01/2009 6:50am)
Once a year I am allowed to write something along the lines of this post. This is because a law was given to Moses which somehow didn't make it into the Bible, but is valid none the less. This law dealt with one's attitude toward the Super Bowl. In the ancient "whowoodathunkit" text there is a verse which reads:
"Man shall not live by Super Bowl Sunday alone".
Immediately following that verse is this one:
"Thou shalt not elevate Super Bowl Sunday to the level of being the most important day of the year".
In light of these two obscure verses, I feel it my yearly duty to pour cold water on the commonly held belief that today is the most revered of all holidays and the whole world should stop and partake of the pageantry, drama and unparalleled excitement this day brings. I know entire nations shut down and 6.5 billion people in the world sit glued to their television sets, even in the middle of the night in huts in Borneo, to partake of this yearly festival. But that does not mean I have to.
My neighbor, who is very good friends with the sheriff, has threatened to...
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- Category: Humor - 14 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by blessings2you)
- Total Views: 249
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Silly Little Sins! |
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Posted by:
elizabeth1965 (Posted: 01/23/2009 12:34pm)
I was watching Everybody loves Raymond last night as I do most every night and I had a bit of an epiphany about the silly things we do to hide our sins. Raymond was "helping"" his brother Robert create a bogus wedding invitiation so he could indeed get out of helping his bride to be with the wedding. Through a series of misunderstandings, the bogus invitation gets mailed. When Debra, Raymond's wife asks to see the invitation (which she had already seen), Raymond "accidentily" spills juice on it and then in an effort to "dry" it, he sets it on fire, all in an attempt to keep Debra from seeing how he had "helped" with this invitation. The entire senario was funny but it struck me that just like Debra, God has indeed already seen our little and not so little foibles as we stumble our way through life. Yet we would do anything to cover up our sins. We go out of our way to hide our messes from each other and from the Lord. The Bible says that "as far as the east is from the west" so far will He hide our sins from His sight.
I...
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- Category: Humor - 0 Comments - Total Views: 44
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Grace In A Comedy of Errors |
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Posted by:
savedbyegrace (Posted: 01/20/2009 7:51pm)
I was feeling a tad-bit, a teeny-weeny bit angry today over all manner of social injustices. I was distracted and unfocused and had a hard time being productive at my work today. When my husband came home, earlier than usual due to having hardly any work, instead of being annoyed at the disruption of my work day, I just sighed heavily and resigned myself that this day could not be resurrected. It was to have no value whatsoever.
With this marvelous Christ-like attitude, I trudged joylessly into the kitchen to once again stare mindlessly into the cabinets and the frig and try to imagine something for supper. Necessity is the mother of invention, so they say, and so out of necessity I invented a chicken variation of my world famous lasagna. Thankfully my husband is not a picky eater, and if he were, he doesn't hesitate to jump in the car and make a Krystal run.
The lasagna smelled good when I pulled it out of the oven and replaced it under the broiler with a pan of garlic toast. I wandered into the den to see what hubby had on TV and scratched the dog's ears and told her...
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- Category: Humor - 10 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by iraqivetsgtret)
- Total Views: 211
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The Visitor |
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Posted by:
poodlelady (Posted: 01/20/2009 6:11pm)
This was sent to me by a friend -thought it worth sharing -if nothing else it will make you think.
This is very interesting and not the ending I had expected!!!!
A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small Texas town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on.
As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey. But the stranger...he was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with his Adventures, mysteries and comedies.
If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major league ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped Talking, but Dad didn't seem to...
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- Category: Humor - 11 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by mumbly)
- Total Views: 190
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Dear Lord, Am I being rude? |
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Posted by:
monisola (Posted: 01/20/2009 3:30am)
You know children are really a blessing. Yesterday when I was feeling all down and out, sorry for myself. You would think I had enough on my plate already but then comes my 5 year old.
'I really do not want to go to church anymore cos we are always shouting 'Hallelujah'. I tried to explain to him that it was our way of thanking God and praising Him for all He does for us. Hallelujah I said meant 'Praise the Lord'. He stood looking at me. I could almost hear the wheels of his brain spinning into overdrive. Then he said to me 'Mommy, but why do you have to shout at God. He is not deaf. And you always say I should stop yelling at people cos it's rude. Your are being rude to God and He will not be happy with you'. All I could do was laugh. He looked at me funny, obviously exasperated, and walked away saving me the agony of having to answer...
I wonder... are we being rude by yelling our praise and thanks. I personally believe God loves the joyful noise we raise up to him but I did learn one thing...
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- Category: Humor - 3 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by disciplevance)
- Total Views: 131
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Women are strange |
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Posted by:
alight (Posted: 01/16/2009 8:12am)
Probably half of you will disagree with me when I say women are strange and that being the lassie half of CB. But I am fixing to prove it to you beyond a shadow of a doubt.
My wife whom most of you know I love dearly has taught me that women are strange. She has this thing about leaving a penny everywhere she goes. Sometimes I have to go to great lengths to get her a place to leave her penny.
She has never explained to me why she leaves the penny. I have asked her many times and usually the answer is "cause". It makes no sense to me at all and I am the type person that just has to figure stuff out.
Another thing that includes a penny is when we are running down the road and she sees a penny (and she can spot one a mile away) she HAS TO pick it up. Runners don't like to stop for anything until the run is over but my sweet wife will stop every time. I tell her to leave it for the poor (alight is compassionate).
It does remind me of the widow who lost...
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- Category: Humor - 13 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by greybear)
- Total Views: 212
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Kids Say The Darndedest Things |
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Posted by:
awesomewonder (Posted: 01/15/2009 7:57am)
Kids Say The Darnedest Things
I turned Fifty on January 10th 2009 to God Be All The Glory. I know some women whom despise being called a Grandmother, I count as a privileged and honor to be a Grandmother of Ten. Grandparents often fulfill the important role of providing stability and moral support to families. God has given me the chance to leave a legacy, a bequest of something valuable from the past.
Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.
Deuteronomy 4:9
As a Christian what we hope to leave is a Spiritual Legacy. First being a Spiritual Model daily, Praying for them and also teaching them how to pray for themselves. I pray for my Children, Grandchildren each by name daily also their future generation to come. God has given me that authority, and you also.
Remind them daily that we all must leave this earth one day and by choosing a life with Jesus will allow us to be together again one day...
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- Category: Humor - 6 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by poodlelady)
- Total Views: 157
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laundry and hangers: how they inspired me |
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Posted by:
whobelieve (Posted: 01/13/2009 5:15pm)
In mommy-homemaker world, there are a few universal truths. For example, mom's schedule is determined by the family's schedule. Mysteriously, even freshly washed windows always have smudges and nose-prints. My favorite is the complete inability to sit down and do anything at all undisturbed. Or the unspoken rule that, until the kids are old enough, anything yucky to clean is in mom's jurisdiciton (unless dad is trying to score points with mom.) Perhaps the most pervasive truth, however, is that laundry is never-ending. Think about it. You could wash absolutely every stitch of dirty laundry you have. But what about tonight when you shed your outfit and put on your jammies? Ta-da! More dirty clothes. Or when you go to get your shower. Those towels and washclothes need cleansing too. How about sheets and pillow cases and blankets? They need to be washed also. As do the curtains on occasion. Don't even get me started on those who use cloth napkins and tableclothes daily...
When it comes to laundry, probably the thing I hate the absolute most is dealing with hangers. Have you ever had a fight with a set of hangers and lost? I have, on numerous occasions. It...
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- Category: Humor - 7 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by monisola)
- Total Views: 199
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Short people |
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Posted by:
daughteroftheking777 (Posted: 01/08/2009 7:26pm)
Last weekend my daughter asked me to babysit. This not only included my grandson but an adult dog and a puppy. She was going to be out of town for the whole weekend. I knew I was in for a busy weekend. I rushed around all day long running from here to there. Wow it takes a lot to keep up with a three year old, a dog, and a puppy!!! At the end of what seemed to be a very long day, I looked went into the bedroom. I stared at the bed. "Wow that is really high off the ground. I am going to need a ladder to get into that bed," I said outloud. I began to take things off the bed when I heard an awful noise. "Good grief what is that kid up to now?" I thought to myself. When I turned to see what he was doing, I saw that he was dragging a step stool into the bedroom!!! With a big smile on his face he said, "Here Grammy. I got you a ladder."...
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- Category: Humor - 2 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by daughteroftheking777)
- Total Views: 68
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'Professing Christ vs'Professing"Church'(What it won't get you") |
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Posted by:
iraqivetsgtret (Posted: 01/02/2009 4:09pm)
"What it won't get you"... ..
The head of the line in heaven...
'On God's 'A' list to be invited to the
"(fancy parties)
"A star on the"hollywood Blvd walk of fame...
"Your name in "lights' with all the glamor and glitter...
'A street named after you or even a candy bar... .
"A daytime tv talk show , History Channel Documentary,
or"HBO special...
'Your name in the' gossip columns"or picture on the cover,
of' People magazine... .
'The best and worse 'dress list"...
'A saturday morning cartoon ... ..
'Your face on a box of "Wheaties',visit with the President,
at the White House or a trip to Disney...
Your picture on a bubble gum card... ...
People are a treasure according to the bible, besides ,
this world we live in now before we go to heaven is like a
"Motel'6'/Econo lodge(you check in and enjoy the cable tv,
and 'not having to make your bed"and then check out...
(Too bad, they dont leave mints on your pillows anymore... ..
Be encouraged and Be blessed, smile, smile, smile as you read this... ....
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- Category: Humor - 3 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by disciplevance)
- Total Views: 157
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Everything I Needed To Know I Learned From Noah's Ark |
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Posted by:
kiwibird (Posted: 12/31/2008 12:59am)
As we move into another year and pray that it is better than the one just past, ponder on this article quoted in a local newspaper...
"Everything I needed to know I learned from Noah's Ark.
1. Don't miss the boat
2. Remember we're all in the same boat
3. Plan ahead. It wasn‘t raining when Noah built the Ark
4. Stay fit. When you're 60 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big
5. Don't listen to critics - just get on with the job that needs to be done
6. Build your future on high ground
7. For safety's sake, travel in pairs
8. Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were aboard with the cheetahs
9. When you're stressed, float awhile
10. Remember the Ark was built by amateurs, the Titanic by professionals"
May your prayers be as if there is no-one else you want to talk to. May your praise of Almighty bring down the powers of darkness. May your worship lead you always to the footstool of the Father and may God bless you richly as you seek to serve him. Your sister in Christ, kbird...
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- Category: Humor - 9 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by savedbyegrace)
- Total Views: 231
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Confessions of a new addict; Oh the silly things we just can't live without |
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Posted by:
blessings2you (Posted: 12/29/2008 6:45am)
Have you ever noticed how we are creatures of habit? We do something once, like how it feels or looks and decide to do it again. In a very short amount of time that which started as a "one time only" occurrence turns into something we crave at every opportunity.
This is especially true of food. One morning two weeks ago my stomach was a little upset so I decided to use some of my wife's half and half in my coffee. Many years ago I used to dump tons of half and half along with many scoops of sugar in my "coffee", but I had quit doing that back when Nixon was President. Well, as it turns out, I still like the taste of half and half with my coffee and every morning since I first tried it, I have used an increasing amount of the stuff in my once black coffee.
This type of behavior drives me nuts. What am I, a closet "half and half addict?" How on earth can I live over thirty years totally enjoying my black coffee and suddenly within a couple of weeks become chained to having it tainted by the taste of...
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- Category: Humor - 11 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by kiwibird)
- Total Views: 286
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pens, pens and more pens |
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Posted by:
fairhaven7 (Posted: 12/28/2008 3:12pm)
I don't know when I started my reversed attachment disorder with pens, but I know I was a young girl when I started obsessing. Maybe it was because I grew up with lots of love and not much money so with the discovery that I could have a collection that wouldn't cost much, pens filled the bill. I loved statements such as "The Pen is Mightier Than the Sword" (Edward Bulwer-Lytton, 1839) and, Louis Bamberger: "Look at that--red, green, black! It's like having four pens in one! What a wonderful time to be alive, eh?". Over the years, yea, the decades (who's kidding who - I'm 51 now) I had aquired so many pens, that I had boxes of them. I had cache's that even I myself had forgotten I had. I had surplus, backlogs, reserves, stockpiles of pens. My pens were loose in drawers, loose in my purses, tied together with strings, wrapped around with rubber bands and some were even organized so that they would be easy to reach for.
You see, pens, are a fashion statement to me. I carry between 5 to 10 pens in my purse because you "just never know when you will need...
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- Category: Humor - 9 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by fairhaven7)
- Total Views: 253
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Acronyms for dummies-how to not look as "out of it" as you are |
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Posted by:
blessings2you (Posted: 12/27/2008 4:02am)
I learned yesterday that I am pretty much 100% ignorant when it comes to understanding the art of both text messaging as well as understanding acronyms and initialisms. Well, I am not one to stay ignorant for long, so I went to school and now I feel so confident in this matter that I can share certain elements with others just as challenged as me.
We all know what an acronym is (don't we?). FEMA, for instance, is the acronym for Federal Emergency Management Agency. In an acronym, you pronounce the letters so as to make up a new word. FEMA is the word made up of the first letters. The Government loves acronyms. I used to have the "official" FEMA acronym book. There were literally thousands of acronyms describing every detail of operation within that agency.
On line and in text messaging, what is commonly called acronyms are really shorthand, inialisms or abbreviations. Shorthand pronunciations are initialisms (a set of initials) to which you say the letters ONE BY ONE. Thus, LOL is not pronounced as lol but read as L O L. The tricky part lies in figuring out just what those initials really mean. I honestly thought...
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- Category: Humor - 13 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by blessings2you)
- Total Views: 540
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a "deep vet ponder moment year end of 2008 |
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Posted by:
iraqivetsgtret (Posted: 12/25/2008 3:28pm)
God is able... .doesnt need advise from"dr laura,dear abby, dr phil or "oprah'..
no matter what people say 'bill gates does not have more money than he does..
headaches, heartaches, he is the"ultimate dr., he always makes"house calls, and
isnt regulated by any insurance company.. his bedside manners are impeckable...
he has more tools than"home depot', lowes' and sears combined and doesnt have a
"30 day return policy... he is more time management efficient than most"time saving
devices on the market..he doesnt have to'write everthing down and know how to delegate..
he doesnt have to be a "prima donna' or a "jack of all trades and master of none'..
if we were able to save ourselves then we would have nothing to tell of the "good news'
be blessed as you read this, smile alittle and most of all his joy isnt just around the holidays...
as we close this year, i would like to take the time to say thank you for everyone on this site.
not just the day to day friends but everyone who reads my blogs and encourages me to keep
on writing.my prayer is for all of us to take time to stop trying and...
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- Category: Humor - 14 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by disciplevance)
- Total Views: 294
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no reason for a "polygraph test, court subpena, undercover investagation or "ny times/cnn gallop poll.... |
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Posted by:
iraqivetsgtret (Posted: 12/23/2008 3:09pm)
You dont have my word on it cause you already have his... ...
(disclaimer i'm not having a"cliff the mailman from 80's tv show 'cheers'/detrick from'70's tv show "barney miller/mr spock form"star trek hypothesis moment)
when jesus comes back 'what you wont be/shouldnt be doing... ...
pausing your "tivo'from the tv show you recorded when you wasnt home..
order pizza from"domino's, papa john's and a video from"netflix'
master another level on"playstation, psp3, and xbox with "madden09
text your friends on your blackberry, iphone, sidekick or new google phone..
you will not be able to see it "breaking news on "cnn", fox, ny times or the'bbc"
the papparazi from"e online'or"hollywood acess or "inside addition'will not have the "inside scoop"
tv shows like"pimp my ride","survivor'"extreme homemakeoverquot;dancin with the stars"will not preview it
during upcoming season fanalies... .victor newman from the soaps"young & the restless and "erica kane from
'all my children' will not base marriage for the "upteenth time" on his coming... ..you will not be able to go online
and see it on'google earth',"yahoo maps","mapquest", or a'youtube video"...when jesus comes back you , wont
be able to download it to your cell phone as a "screensaver'from 'itunes"or a "ringtone"...when jesus comes...
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- Category: Humor - 9 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by annajones)
- Total Views: 239
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Wishing you a Merry Unnamed Holiday and a half day off work |
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Posted by:
blessings2you (Posted: 12/19/2008 3:58am)
It seems the world is "hell-bent" on totally eliminating any possible spiritual influence from the holiday it wants to still celebrate next Thursday. It truly is quite amusing to see all the things being done to even do away with the word "Christmas". God forbid we keep the word "Christ" in any word dealing with a government holiday.
On my daily trek to the Post Office yesterday I had to chuckle at the announcement on the door explaining the hours of operation next week. Great detail was given to make sure everyone knew the facility would be closing at noon next Wednesday and would be closed next Thursday. Never once was the reason for the early closing and full day off given. If a person not knowing our culture came and saw the sign, they would not have has a clue what was going on.
What we are left with is a day off for 99.9% of all workers in America and we can't tell them why they are getting the day off even though everyone knows why. The growing movement to wipe the word "Christmas" off the books and out of the Dictionary is perhaps one of the stupidest...
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- Category: Humor - 2 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by savedbyegrace)
- Total Views: 243
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An Ode to the UPS Guy |
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Posted by:
cowgirldiva (Posted: 12/08/2008 4:55pm)
Written at a time of distress.
(To the tune of O Christmas Tree)
O UPS guy, O UPS guy
How I wish you wouldn't try my patience
O UPS guy, O UPS guy
Why won't you deliver me my Christmas presents?
When you do finally come, I'm in my PJ's
Then I hide until you leave
O UPS guy, O UPS guy
Why must you give me a frost-bitten nose while I lean out the door to check if you're coming?
Ever had this happen? And then when you think you hear his truck... it's only the garbage man? I do have a lot of respect for these people though. Especially during the Christmas season. Ahhh I guess this is a good way to teach one patience. Namely, me.
To sum this all up... Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! I wish you a season of patiece, mercy, and lovingkindness. Have fun living life!
"Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas." Calvin Coolidge...
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- Category: Humor - 2 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by whobelieve)
- Total Views: 144
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Grandmas embarrasing visit with the Preacher |
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Posted by:
wesley (Posted: 12/02/2008 9:03am)
GRANDMAS EMBARRASING VISIT WITH THE PREACHER
Back when I was growing up your Pastor would not only visit you if you were in the hospital, but would stop by your home from time to time to see how you were doing.
My Grandmother was a devout Christian, but her son, my Grandfather was not quite as devout. He believed in the Lord but was possessed of a few vices still. He loved his old, smelly pipe that he stoked with "Granger" pipe tobacco, an occasional celebratory cigar, "King Edwards" and a little beer from time to time.
It was a warm summer day, and the Pastor had come to visit Grandma, she had seated him on our front porch for a chat. There was a cement walkway that ran around the side of our house and led to the back door leading into the Kitchen.
About this time, Grandpa decided to come home for lunch, in his hand was a bucket of beer with a lid. This was a common way in that day to take home your "brewsky". He spied the Preacher and commenced to furtively sneak around the side of the house to safety.Just as he got about...
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- Category: Humor - 2 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by youaregolden)
- Total Views: 139
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Grandmas Embarrasing visit with the Preacher |
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Posted by:
wesley (Posted: 11/29/2008 9:59am)
GRANDMAS EMBARRASING VISIT WITH THE PREACHER
Back when I was growing up your Pastor would not only visit you if you were in the hospital, but would stop by your home from time to time to see how you were doing.
My Grandmother was a devout Christian, but her son, my Grandfather was not quite as devout. He believed in the Lord but was possessed of a few vices still. He loved his old, smelly pipe that he stoked with "Granger" pipe tobacco, an occasional celebratory cigar, "King Edwards" and a little beer from time to time.
It was a warm summer day, and the Pastor had come to visit Grandma, she had seated him on our front porch for a chat. There was a cement walkway that ran around the side of our house and led to the back door leading into the Kitchen.
About this time, Grandpa decided to come home for lunch, in his hand was a bucket of beer with a lid. This was a common way in that day to take home your "brewsky". He spied the Preacher and commenced to furtively sneak around the side of the house to safety.Just as he got about...
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- Category: Humor - 2 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by youaregolden)
- Total Views: 139
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Ramblings of an overly middle-aged woman |
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Posted by:
kiwibird (Posted: 11/17/2008 3:04pm)
The following ramblings are the result of an all night session at the computer as my daughter dictated her final (Yay!) essay for her degree. Ordinarily such a work would be dealt to in a relatively short space of time but given her backlog of work caused by her ill-health, I found myself waiting for hours while she ‘wrote the next bit'. Don't get me wrong, I make myself available for this task at any time the need arises, but I was very grateful for the ‘nanna nap' I had in the afternoon. Crawling into bed at 4.45am this morning seemed a bit pointless really. I think it was the cups of tea that did it, so instead of sleeping my mind is full of drivel and I thought I should type some out for a blog.
What is this typing thing any way. I learned to type on a typewriter but have been forced into a new age where electronics control so much of what I do. I used to be able to pop the carbon paper between the sheets of paper and get the number of copies I wanted. In fact, on a really good day when my...
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- Category: Humor - 6 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by ilovehimso)
- Total Views: 221
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Clapping in Church is not for the Faint of Heart! |
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Posted by:
cowgirldiva (Posted: 11/16/2008 4:23pm)
Have you ever stood in church clapping away to a song when suddenly the person next to you starts clapping off beat? Isn't that just the worst? It's so hard not to turn to them and say, "Do you mind?" I had one of those incidents in church today... only the person who was clapping off beat was my grandma. The words came up on the screen and I was singing away, clapping, and swaying to the music when I hear a "swap" of the congregation and a "swchoop" next to me on the down beat of the song. I look over at my grandma and she's totally absorbed in the music, clapping vehemently. I look over at my mom and we try very hard not to burst out laughing because my grandma is partially deaf and can't even hear when everyone else is clapping anyway. Then I think what it would be like to be totally oblivious to the world and not care about what people think. I often fall prey to the world's opinion of how I should act or even talk and try to fight it with every step I take towards Christ. I ask for help...
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- Category: Humor - 5 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by tohimbeglory)
- Total Views: 225
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Biblical Funs and Puns |
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Posted by:
thomashsi (Posted: 11/14/2008 12:00am)
Question: Which would earn the Lord a greater return on a coin deposited into the collection? The coin given to him with Caesar's inscription, or the coin from the fish's mouth?
Answer: The coin from the fish's mouth, because unlike the coin with Caesar's inscription which was given to him by men, the coin from the fish's mouth was placed there by God's providence and, therefore, was a coin of destiny.
Question: Between Mary and Martha, Mary being the sister who sat at the Lord's feet, and Martha being the sister who diligently served the Lord, who would make a better cup of tea?
Answer: Mary, because unlike Martha whose mind was preoccupied with many chores, Mary knew how to draw from the well.
On their wedding day, Ruth hoping to impress Boaz, said to him, "husband, I have forgotten two things today." Boaz said, "what are they?" Ruth told him, "my driver's license and my blood test." Boaz replied, "why your blood test?" Ruth then answered, "to show you that I'm from a royal family."
Question: What did the Lord tell the Samaritan woman at the well that changed her life?
Answer: He spoke of a well of living...
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- Category: Humor - 0 Comments - Total Views: 147
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Today B2Y beat MRI in major upset |
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Posted by:
blessings2you (Posted: 11/13/2008 6:38pm)
I had to endure my personal definition of hell today. After wimping out twice before this week, I simply HAD to get an MRI done of my back. Now, for most people, this would be a simple medical test that is noisy but done and over within an hour. For people like me, it is paramount to being told one has to go live in a coffin for six months.
I have two huge problems, neither one of which I am proud of. First of all I am NOT a small person by any stretch of the imagination. There are a couple of people around on earth bigger than I am, but one is in Samoa and the other in Fiji. I haven't met either of them. Being on the "husky" side, I have some problems with certain tests due to the machines being made for people like my wife who literally wears a size 4 pair of pants.
Anyway, back to my sob story; my other problem is that I am claustrophobic. I am not so bad that I can't ride in elevators or things like that, but I have problems with being shoved into a tube like a...
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- Category: Humor - 8 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by annajones)
- Total Views: 381
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Grace to Write Clearly and Laugh When We Don't |
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Posted by:
savedbyegrace (Posted: 10/29/2008 12:54pm)
My home-based business involves a lot of typing, proofreading and editing, so I always get a large charge out of the way things come out of our mouths and aren't exactly what we meant them to be. I know we've all seen funny mistakes in church bulletins, and Jay Leno does a whole bit on Monday nights called "Headlines" where the headlines of major newspapers don't exactly say things clearly.
These are actual excerpts from insurance claim forms, where the person making the claim is trying valiantly to explain how their accident occurred. Enjoy!
• "In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole!"
• "Coming home, I drove into the wrong driveway and hit a tree I don't have."
• "The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit
him."
• "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and
headed over the embankment."
• "I was on the way to the doctor's office with rear-end trouble when my
universal joint gave way, causing me to having an accident."
• "I had been driving my car for 40 years when I...
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- Category: Humor - 2 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by kiwibird)
- Total Views: 257
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Minnesota's Ten Commandments Ya Sure You Betcha |
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Posted by:
cowgirldiva (Posted: 10/28/2008 1:53pm)
Here's a little Minnesota humor and if you don't understand this or don't find it funny... well I'll be praying for you ya sure I will...
Minnesota's Ten Commandments
1. Der's only one God, ya know. - Minnesotan twang
2. Don't make the fish on your mantle an idol. - Minnesotan's are big ice fishers year round and stuff it to show each other how big the fish is.
3. Cussing ain't Minnesota nice. - People say Minnesotan's are Minnesota nice because they don't say mean things to each other only behind their back... not sure exactly...
4. Go to church even when you're up nort. - "Up Nort" is the cabin.
5. Honor your folks. - We say it like fooooolks.
6. Don't kill. Catch and release. - Catch and release is a fishing action
7. There is only one Lena for every Ole. No cheatin'. - EVERYONE back in the old days it seemed were either named Lena (girls name) or Ole (boys name).
8. If it ain't your Lutefisk, don't take it. - Lutefisk is a popular Northern dish.
9. Don't be braggin' about how much snow ya shoveled. - We get snow up nort in November......
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- Category: Humor - 12 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by cowgirldiva)
- Total Views: 407
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Fearlessness 101 |
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Posted by:
wordlion (Posted: 10/13/2008 6:52pm)
Fearlessness 101
Suddenly my 3year old grandson burst into my office breathing hard, with a look of terror on his face. "Pawpaw, sumpings not right." Shane had been in our master bedroom watching cartoons while lying on our bed. He went on while flailing his hands in the air, "I'm telling you sumpings not right in there." I asked, "Did you see something?" "No Pawpaw." He tried to explain with a puzzled look on his face. "Did you hear something?" Yeah, yeah" as he pointed to the bedroom. "It was going, chick, chick, chick, chick." I said, "Let's go see what it is".
We hurried to the bedroom where the TV continued to play. Shane didn't seem afraid now. Pointing to our closet doors Shane said, "Its right over there". I turned the TV off. "Where?" "Right over here", as he walked toward the mirrored doors. Then he said, "Come on, talk to me now" "Come on", as he took both his hand and pushed the 4 panel glass doors that were already shut. I said, "I don't hear anything". "Jus a minute Pawpaw" as Shane got more aggressive with the doors. "Come on! Chick, Chick, Chick to me now",...
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- Category: Humor - 1 Comment (by betweenhispaws)
- Total Views: 109
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Utterly Worthless Information and Quiz for your weekend |
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Posted by:
blessings2you (Posted: 10/04/2008 3:48am)
In order to provide proper relief from the pressures put on us through various economic measures; I thought it good to "bless" you with a little quiz to test how much worthless knowledge you have. There is nothing "spiritual" about this little quiz. It is simply for fun and to relax tension.
Each question is worth ten points, but that doesn't mean much since just like in the old television show "Who's line is it", the points don't mean anything. My best guess is that if anyone who gets more than one right has WAY too much time on their hands and should apply to be a contestant on "Jeopardy".
1. How many ways are there to make change for a dollar?
a. 27
b. 293
c. 398
2. What do the words; orange, silver and purple have in common?
3. True or False: Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
4. What is the average lifespan of a dragonfly?
a. 1 hour
b. 8 hours
c. 24 hours
d. 3 days
5. A dime has how many ridges around its edge?
a. 118
b. 188
c. 256
The next question is worth 1,000 bonus points and anyone who...
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- Category: Humor - 2 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by everfaithful)
- Total Views: 355
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What an entertaining weekend! |
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Posted by:
livelaughlove (Posted: 09/29/2008 1:11pm)
So I am a senior nursing student at Georgia Southern University who leads a very busy life. This weekend was one that I had been looking forward to for a month or so. My out of town boyfriend was coming to visit and I had in my mind that it was going to be a weekend of playing frisbee, rock climbing, and a romantic dinner out... well that was sort of correct. I am currently doing my clinicals for school and I had gotten home from clinical on Friday and after being up and working since 4 that morning I thought a nap was in my near future. No sooner had I fallen asleep did the smoke alarm in my apartment begin to go off. I ran down the stairs to find my roomate standing in the kitchen staring at a fire on the stove that was HUGE!!! I ran over and tried to put a lid on the fire to smother it. At this point smoke was billowing throughout my apartment and it was becoming difficult to breathe. I was finally able to get the fire out only to learn that the microwave was a large burnt plastic bubble...
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- Category: Humor - 0 Comments - Total Views: 142
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"Uh...Hello? I forgive you already!!" |
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Posted by:
laminin (Posted: 09/27/2008 2:30am)
One of the most beautiful qualities God has is His wonderful sense of humour!
While attending marriage counselling before our wedding our Pastor told us a story of his best friend who was saved a few years back. This friend had a past that he was a bit ashamed of, as we all are I guess. But every single day he would go down on his knees and repent for the same old sins over and over again.
My Pastor had told him that God forgives our sins once and we don't have to ask Him everyday for forgiveness for a sin He has already forgiven.
However, he carried on waking up everyday begging for forgiveness for the same old sin. Eventually one day God interrupted him by saying, "Oh John, stop it! I forgave those sins long ago! This is getting tiresome now."
He just burst out laughing!
He did not have to be told twice by God to stop begging!...
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- Category: Humor - 5 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by laminin)
- Total Views: 245
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Updates on the Money Tree Growing in Washington |
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Posted by:
blessings2you (Posted: 09/20/2008 2:15pm)
Earlier this week this obscure headline appeared for a short time on this site. Now finally there is vital new information to add to our elation at this amazing discovery.
UNITED STATES TREASURY SUCCEEDS IN GROWING THE WORLD'S FIRST MONEY TREE
The United States Treasury Department has finally succeeded in growing their first money tree. Deep in a top secret room of the Department's headquarters, top economists working with scientists have grown the tree which will be the panacea to all that ails this country and world. Word out of Sweden is that those involved with the research will surely win the Nobel Prize next year.
Background:
For many years, governments have been searching for the secret to growing the elusive money tree which would solve their problems. Various attempts were made in the past to grow such a tree, but they were met with frustration as they failed to ever produce one dollar. Scientists and economists in Washington looked with envy on many other countries in the world and their successful money tree ventures. Word has it that many of the top people working on this project took a trip to Zimbabwe last winter to learn the secret of...
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- Category: Humor - 7 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by blessings2you)
- Total Views: 361
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Bereans-Burrito |
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Posted by:
songsinmyheart (Posted: 09/19/2008 8:11pm)
When we were having family devotions one day, my husband chose the book of Acts and wanted to impress upon our children the hard faithful lives of the Bereans. He asked, "Who knows what the Bereans were known for?" My bubbly, energetic little 8 year old (at that time) could hardly sit in his chair as he waved his hand about saying, "I know! I know!" We were astounded this little guy would know that answer and had actually expected one of our teens to answer this one. Envisioning an answer something like, "Weren't they known for studying the scriptures daily?" Our little guys squeals out, unable to contain himself any longer... "They were known for inventing the burrito!" Hmmmm. Berean-burrito. I guess in the mind of an 8 year old, they do sound an awful lot alike! Smiles around the table from the older ones who knew better and we all tried not to laugh out loud!...But it was hard!...
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- Category: Humor - 0 Comments - Total Views: 161
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Government Finally Grows the Elusive Money Tree |
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Posted by:
blessings2you (Posted: 09/16/2008 11:17pm)
UNITED STATES TREASURY SUCCEEDS IN GROWING FIRST MONEY TREE
The United States Treasury Department has finally succeeded in growing their first money tree. Deep in a top secret room of the Department's headquarters, top economists working with scientists have grown the tree which will be the panacea to all that ails this country and world. Word out of Sweden is that those involved with the research will surely win the Nobel Prize next year.
Background:
For many years, governments have been searching for the secret to growing the elusive money tree which would solve their problems. Various attempts were made in the past to grow such a tree, but they were met with frustration as they failed to ever produce one dollar. Scientists and economists in Washington looked with envy on many other countries in the world and their successful money tree ventures. Word has it that many of the top people working on this project took a trip to Zimbabwe last winter to learn the secret of the perpetual money tree that country developed.
The Need for the Tree
There is no questioning why there needs to be a money tree in Washington. There is simply no other way...
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- Category: Humor - 1 Comment (by ptl2008)
- Total Views: 344
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A Little Humor at my Expense |
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Posted by:
cowgirldiva (Posted: 09/13/2008 6:38pm)
So today my Mom, Grandma, and I were all going to see a play at the Guthrie theater called "Little House on the Prairie." I was totally stoked because I'm a Laura Ingalls nut I even bought a dress for the occasion and you all know I strongly dislike dresses. But anyways... so I got up, ate two pieces of toast, and hopped in the shower. Then I did my makeup and hair and then asked the stranger in the mirror, "How'd I do that?" My hair was actually cute!! But I digress... So after my dress was all perfect with the little jacket on top, I looked at the clock and I realized I was an hour early. Oh well. I reached down to scratch my leg and noticed I forgot to shave a huge chunk of my leg. This frequently happens but today of all days? Really... So I began looking for more and there were others around my ankle and knee and a huge rash-like cut on the knee cap. Oh wow... Well... there was nothing I could do about it so I just left my half-shaved legs as they were.
So by now my arm pits...
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- Category: Humor - 4 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by hockeychick4christ)
- Total Views: 192
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20 Things You Probably Don't Know About Me |
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Posted by:
cowgirldiva (Posted: 09/09/2008 2:41pm)
Wow... that title seems extremely selfish... oh well... So here goes nothin'...
20) My favorite TV show is Reba but it's no longer on anymore
19) I hog the computer... it's true... I'm extremly possessive...
18) I have wanted to become: a teacher, a doctor, a paralegal, a writer, a doctor, a physical therapist, a doctor, a librarian, a history professor, a vet, a doctor, a teacher... the list is endless...
17) My new favorite band is The Fray and I absolutey do not like heavy metal
16) I love to write but don't do it as often as much as I'd like.
15) I live in the country and love it
14) My favorite season is fall because it's not to hot and not too cool and the leaves are changing...
15) I'm an awful cook but I love to bake, especially pies Go figure...
14) I have been labled as: gullible, naive, gulllible, gullible, and... geez... I'm missing one... oh yes! gullible...
13) I have a unique fetish for old-english words such as fetish, miffed, vexed...
12) I absolutely do not like chick flicks
11) I believe that women should be treated with respect
10) I have cowgirl...
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- Category: Humor - 11 Comments (view first comment - view last comment by melisa)
- Total Views: 392
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