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Posted By: greybear
To My Brothers in Christ,
I am far from a marriage expert or authority, so I won't venture to tell you how to fix a marriage. I'll leave that to those God blessed with discernment and are educated is counseling. That said....
What I do want to do is give us guys a place to share what is working to uphold and improve our relationship within our marriage. Don't make it soooo looong that we tire reading it. What did you do and why you think in helped or healed your marriage. Lord knows if no one else can benefit from this, this rock head certainly can!
Be honest and don't be afraid to start with the small things. Some of us could use even the smallest of ideas. It doesn't matter if you are from a 50 year young marriage or 5 day old marriage tell us what is working, Please!!
In Christ,
GreyBear
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Posted: 12/27/05 9:48am - Total Views: 4,922 - Category: Married Only
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greybear |
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Posted by:
greybear
(Posted: 04/07/06 11:45am)
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Encouragement is Key
Sometimes all that your wife needs in order to be successful with whatever she is working on is a little encouragement. Often times she won't have anyone else around to give her the encouragement that she needs and you may be the only person that can give her the encouragement she needs.
In Christ,
GreyBear
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greybear |
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Posted by:
greybear
(Posted: 04/07/06 11:48am)
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Help with Whatever She is Doing
Depending on the job to be done there may be extra work that could be done by you. Some of the tasks aren't going to be the most glamorous but 5 minutes could save your partner hours of time and added stress. 
In Christ,
GreyBear
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greybear |
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Posted by:
greybear
(Posted: 04/07/06 11:52am)
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Be Positive
It's easy to be a positive influence on your wife and her work/tasks. Listen to her when she talks about her what she is trying to accomplish. Don't put down her ideas - help her think of new ideas to help her. Remember that just because she is working in the home, that does not make her jobs any less important or legitimate. If you are a positive influence on your wife and take an interest in her the task at hand, there's no telling how big the rewards may be! 
In Christ,
GreyBear
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greybear |
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Posted by:
greybear
(Posted: 04/07/06 11:54am)
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Watch the Kids
Your wife is at home with the kids all day every day. Sometimes she is going to need a chance to take time off from it all. If the kids are constantly asking questions and bugging your wife she can't really unwind. Don't wait to be asked. Be proactive and offer to watch the kids. 
In Christ,
GreyBear
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greybear |
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Posted by:
greybear
(Posted: 04/07/06 11:58am)
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Surprise Her
This may not sound like a new approach, but a great way to help your wife stay motivated is to bring her little "surprises" - flowers, her favorite candy, a scented candle. Basically anything that she can't bring her self to spend the money on. All of these are great ways to remind her of your love. 
In Christ,
GreyBear
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greybear |
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Posted by:
greybear
(Posted: 04/07/06 12:00pm)
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Pray
Most importantly, any wife is going to need prayer. Never underestimate the power of prayer to help you get going and keep your marriage rolling. If you aren't talking to God on a regular basis it will be very hard to stay on track with your wife as well. 
In Christ,
GreyBear
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greybear |
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Posted by:
greybear
(Posted: 04/11/06 5:13am)
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Weekends Away
Schedule a weekend away. You do all the planning. Your wife needs time with you and she needs to be romanced. A quiet resturant, an elegant hotel, candle light and chocolate covered strawberries. If you don't prefer wine, get a bottle of sparkling grape juice. Take time throughout the day and evening to share why you love her and why you would choose her as your wife again today. Let her relax.
In Christ,
GreyBear
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greybear |
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Posted by:
greybear
(Posted: 04/27/06 1:22pm)
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Read to Her
 Select a book together with the idea that you will be reading it to her. Poetry, her favorite novel, a classic, or a book of humor. No heavy stuff like "marriage repair" or "defiant child rearing". Save those for another time. Let her get comfortable with her favorite snack and drink. offer her a pillow and read away. encourage her to close her eyes and just listen.
 Or sleep whichever she prefers is good.
In Christ,
GreyBear
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greybear |
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Posted by:
greybear
(Posted: 10/26/06 10:49am)
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Write To Her
 Hand write her your account of when you first met, your first date, your wedding day, your first Christmas together, your first born's birth, your favorite time away together or just how happy you are she is yours. Use descriptive imagery and don't forget the mushy stuff. Be sure to recall the smallest of things as well as the bigger more obvious ones. And above all, make sure she is the center of the picture your memory has created with words. Poet or author, it will be a prize winner!
In Christ,
GreyBear
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greybear |
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Posted by:
greybear
(Posted: 10/26/06 10:56am)
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Take Her to Dessert
If needed, set up a babysitter, get the kids to bed, and reserve a table at a place that serves her favorite dessert. Tell her you've taken care of everything and that she will be going on a Dessert Date with someone who finds it a real "Treat" just to be with her. Prepare, in your head, a line of discussions that will interest her and that you can lead. Work on those transitions from subject to subject. Share your thoughts and invite her to reflect on them and add to it her own. Don't jump at criticism, just listen to her concerns or joys and enjoy the time together. Take time to notice her eye color, her hair, and the way she looks. Talk with her like the precious gift that God made her. She is your just Desserts!
In Christ,
GreyBear
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Posted by:
clayonmyeyes
(Posted: 10/27/06 7:31am)
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Don´t think of watching your kids as ´babysitting´
A babysitter is a non-parent that watches the kids when the parents are not available. When I hear a father say "I have to babysit" it makes it sound like he´s doing a favor (or expects to get paid for his services!). C´mon guys, they are your kid too! Don´t make it sound like a chore!
Vince
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Posted by:
greybear
(Posted: 11/14/06 5:06am)
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Do it and Don't Say Anything.
Complete a task that she hates, but don't tell her about it. The dishes, the bathroom, fold laundry, change the sheets on all the beds, vacuum, wash the garbage cans, bathe the dog might be some ideas. As men we want others to see our accomplishments, but if you just let it go I'm sure she will see it. Let the reward come another day, just do it for the sake of loving her!
In Christ,
GreyBear
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greybear |
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Posted by:
greybear
(Posted: 11/15/06 10:15am)
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Make her some Tea and rub her feet
After a long day of working in the home or outside of the home, she would love to have a few moments to sit and take a load off her feet. Offer her a cup of tea, hot chocolate, or coffee whichever she prefers. Then sit along side of her and gently rub her worn feets! Maybe a little lotion or oil will help. She will surely enjoy the personal attention and the massage will help relieve the day's tension. Have fun with it and let her know you love her and are thankful for all she does!
In Christ,
GreyBear
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greybear |
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Posted by:
greybear
(Posted: 12/04/06 12:55pm)
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Kiss Her Like You Mean It
After being married for a length of time a kiss is given sometimes out of habit, sometimes to punctuate, and sometimes to finalize. Routines like goodbyes end in a glancing peck. Thank you's are accentuated to show importance with a squish kiss. And conversations of negotiation or equal compromise are sealed with a firm smack of the lips. But I'm not talking about those, I'm talking about a kiss that makes her stop what she is doing and even stop what she's breathing. Take the time to really make her "feel" she is loved and "Kiss her like you mean it!"
In Christ,
GreyBear
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greybear |
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Posted by:
greybear
(Posted: 12/05/06 5:25am)
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Save Her a Spot on the Couch
Friday night movie time can be a great way to relax. Pop some popcorn, get a good cold drink, maybe some napkins(buttered popcorn), and then shoo all the kids from the spot next to you and tell them it's saved for you date! Yep, save her a spot on the couch so she can squeeze your hand in the cliff hanger spots and dry her tears on you shoulder when the old yeller dog dies. And if there aren't any kids and is one of those mushy girl movies, see "Kiss Her Like You Mean It" in the comment above this one!
In Christ,
GreyBear
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greybear |
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Posted by:
greybear
(Posted: 12/05/06 7:23am)
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Make Her Feel Secure
Take the time, words, and actions to make her feel safe. Reassure her that you intend to do all that you can to care for her and show her that you love her. Make sure that the house is safe for her and the family. Remind her that you will protect her at all cost and that she should feel safe with you. Be the one to get up at night, empty the mouse trap, or take care of the creepy crawling thing. Let her know you are willing to be her Hero.
In Christ,
GreyBear
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greybear |
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Posted by:
greybear
(Posted: 12/06/06 5:33am)
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Be Uplifting When You Greet Her
When you get up in the morning or as you come home from work, be positive with your words and the way you greet her. Allow her to be first in line and let the mail or e-mail wait until she has been well greeted. Don't forget hugs and kisses and needed!
In Christ,
GreyBear
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greybear |
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Posted by:
greybear
(Posted: 12/06/06 5:38am)
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Treat Her as if She Were Fragile
Open the door, pick up those heavy boxes or packages, push the cart in the store, get that turkey or ham to and from the oven for her. I know some ladies feel they can do these things for themselves and I'm sure many can, but the point is to show her that you believe she is to be held as a treasure and are willing to treat her as one.
In Christ,
GreyBear,
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greybear |
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Posted by:
greybear
(Posted: 12/06/06 5:46am)
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Advise Her in Privacy
When the occasion should arise and it be necessary for you to have a discussion that may require an exchange of differing views, do not do this in public. Keep said discussion is private and always be gentle of spirit. Don't be the iron fist, listen and then explain. Respect the fact that privacy is the best way to preserve the dignity of both you and your wife.
In Christ,
GreyBear
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greybear |
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Posted by:
greybear
(Posted: 12/07/06 10:17am)
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Be Generous To Her
When out and about get her a small gift or card that shows and says that you care for her. Take time in the middle of the day to go to lunch with her or meet her at home for lunch. Don't be in a hurry instead just enjoy giving her your time. Giving to her is tangible and non-tangible ways shows her that she is wanted and needed and appreciated.
In Christ,
GreyBear
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greybear |
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Posted by:
greybear
(Posted: 12/07/06 10:23am)
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Give Her Your Seat
As strange as it may sound, "Giving Her Your Seat", it really is much like opening the door for her. It places her on a level of great value. Being a servant to her is ok. When the couch is full, get up, give her the warm seat and sit on the floor at her feet. Let her know she has worked hard and deserves the seat and it would be your pleasure to give it to her. (This is even more effective if it is "Your" chair that you give to her!) She may think it a bit silly at the time, but she will appreciate it as well.
In Christ,
GreyBear
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greybear |
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Posted by:
greybear
(Posted: 12/07/06 10:33am)
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Avoid Anger at All Cost
When a situation arises where a discussion may become very heated, it is easy to jump right to anger. This should be avoided no matter who is in the right. It is a good idea to change what you are doing. If you are standing, then sit. If you are sitting, then lie down on the floor. Get the idea, lower your stature and reduce your dominance and lower yourself to servant status. Do something to change what is going on, but don't stomp off or take off tearing out the drive in the car. That has resolved nothing. Work with her to regain composure of the issue.
In Christ,
GreyBear
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greybear |
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Posted by:
greybear
(Posted: 12/07/06 10:39am)
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Look'in Good and Smell'in Good
If you want her to want to be near you, then take care of yourself. That means always be look'in and smell'in as good as you can when you are with her. Use one of those smell good Man soaps and a deodorant of a smell she likes. Don't laugh, she isn't going to lay her head on the front of your shoulder if that deodorant your wearing smells like axle grease! Well....most women won't anyway. And do remember to shower, even if you are tired from working all day in the yard or woods, before snuggling up to her, she will appreciate it.
In Christ,
GreyBear
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Posted by:
greybear
(Posted: 12/08/06 6:02am)
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Be a Good Listener
If we could all get this one down, many of the other thing would be so hard. Key thing here is to not talk when she is talking. Use duct tape if needed! By the way, although little verbals like uh-hu and ok and I see, do not mean you are listening. I have found that being a problem solver does not equate to listening either! Take a deep breathe, (before the tape is applied, and really listen to what she is saying, then respond only as needed. Maybe even ask if she would like to sit down while she shares her thoughts(TV off!) She deserves your time and attention, just listen.
In Christ,
GreyBear
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greybear |
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Posted by:
greybear
(Posted: 12/08/06 6:10am)
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Use Words of Endearment
Some women may not like to be called, Sugar, Babe, or Pumpkin in the company of others, but in the privacy of your own home or in intimate situations them my be fine with them. The key is to use them with respect and only those she appreciates. Sorry, but one should not use terms like Charcoal Queen is you wife often over cooks dinner or Dump Dutchess if she is not big on house keeping, because although you may think them is fun you may unknowingly be undermining her self worth. Princess, Diamond, Love, Dear, and Huggie Bear can go along way when used in a tender heart felt fashion.
In Christ,
GreyBear
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baimarali |
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Posted by:
baimarali 
(Posted: 06/20/07 12:40pm)
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One of the greatest things my husband does for me is to allow me to have "those moments". You know the ones I mean..the ones that totally baffle you guys..the weeping, non-sensible, random "melt-downs" where we arent even sure what's wrong with us? Instead of looking at me cross-ways and getting frustrated with my hormonal imbalances, he simply holds me and quietly waits for me to come around. In a woman's brain, it translates to: "I love you even when I dont understand you"
~Steph
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catholicchristian |
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Posted by:
catholicchristian 
(Posted: 08/22/07 5:41pm)
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One thing that can kill a relationship is constant criticism wrapped up as if it were a "joke" or "just trying to help you". Sarcasm is another big NO NO. If you disagree simply talk it out and accept that there will sometimes be disagreements. Sometimes you will not see eye to eye on an issue. There is nothing worse than listening to a husband talk to his wife with dripping sarcasm. Sarcasm in a discussion is simply a way of putting someone else down.
I only add this because it looks like you guys pretty well covered what TO do. Hopefully I added a few things NOT to do. Oh and by the way I LOVE The comment about NOT saying you are "babysitting" your OWN children!! I forgot about that BIG NO NO!!
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Posted by:
kreynolds
(Posted: 08/22/07 8:30pm)
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This is advice to men from a woman. You don't always have to be a fixer. Women are very vocal about their feelings. Most women solve their issues by talking about the problem or situation and voicing ideas for solutions. We're just wired this way, accept it. When this happens, we're usually just looking for a sounding board/good listener. This is why we might rant, rave, cry and then walk away smiling because we've come up with a solution.
By the way, when we're confident of our husband's love and support we feel confident, protected and invincible. Although some women don't like to admit it, we gain a lot of strength from you guys! Isn't it incredible the way God puts things together?
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