Who am i

Who am 1? Well now that's is the question. If you were 2 ask me who I was I'd say I'm a mum to 4 children, a wife & jus a stay at home mum. Now if I'm 2 ask myself the same question well it's a completely different answer.

Now I can't believe I'm actually goin 2 write these things but God has really been speaking 2 me lately.

So here it goes. Life was tough growing up I always felt that I was never wanted as a child, never felt loved, was never told I was loved, never felt a sense of belonging. Then at the age of 8 a close family friend started to show me attention & of course at that age I knew nothing different & this continue until I was about 14-15 by which stage I knew wot was happening but I was so scared of nobody believing me. Also my father done things 2. I know from an early age I had thoughts of dying & that everyone was better of without me. I remember at the age of 9 sitting on my bed counting out how many tablets I had & hiding them until I got enough & from the age of 11 I was drinking every weekend as this was my way of forgetting everything that was happening.

So anyway jump forward to what will b 3yrs this Feb when things started 2 go out of control for me. This particular morning I got up like any other morning and got the kids up and sorted and out 2 school but in between this I wrote letters 2 my husband & my children telling them how sori I was, that I loved them & 2 look after each other. I'd had enough & was not for coming back. So that was the start of this dark period of my life.

So fast forward again 2 Sept last year. I went back 2 school 2 do a counselling course & 1 particular week in school everything went downhill. That particular'm at week triggered of things from childhood that I'd buried so deep that I'd almost 4got about. I noticed how my behaviour was round the children to the point were I actually did not want them near me. I started self harming again by burning myself this was the only I go a release as I jus felt that everything that happen was my fault & I had to punish myself.

I remember the day I actually said the words that I'd been abused as I felt sick but at the same time felt a sense of release that I'd actually said them words 2 my friend but then again she already knew.

So unfortunately I started 2 self destruct & I'm ashamed 2 say this but I feel I have to, i.turned 2 alcohol as the burning wasn't enough on its own. I haven't drank in 15yrs but that 1st bottle of wine I drank it all in a few hours & this carried on for bout 3weeks & some nights i would have drank 2 bottles in one night. So then the Friday before new years day I was getting my groceries & for buying a few bottles when I received a txt message from my counsellor who is a Christian & this is what it said, you are HOLY & BLAMELESS as u stand before him without a single fault. Col 1:15-23(NLT) emphasis on YOU are! Continue to believe it! Then another txt which said, he gets us through the obstacles! Refuse to give up because we know Jesus we jus keep going! Endurance he who started a good work in me will see it through ...all centres around who we say he is! So when I read these I was completely blown away as i realised then that God was speaking & I came out of the shop with no alcohol. Well from then God has been speaking. My l

@aggiefaulkner
Ann-marie Faulkner @aggiefaulkner ·

Ah it all didn't publish so I'll finish it off ere.
My last bad spell was last week when on Tuesday nite I'd burnt my arms & had a bottle of wine in me by 6.30 as i was planning 2 end it all. I was for getting into the car & had no intentions on coming back...but again God intervene as I couldn't find my car keys & my wee friend manage 2 make me see wot I was doin & how my kids lives would b affected. So yet again on the Sat nite I was up.all nite jus in God's presence & was speaking 2 me & this was some of what he was saying.
So he asked me Who are you really? And if course all I could think of was what I thought of myself growing up but God was saying that he wants me 2 continually stay in touch with Who God says I am.
I am a child of God (John 1:12-13)
I am saved by Grace (Ephesians 2:8-9)
I am alive to God and dead to sin (Romans 6:11)
I am sanctified ( John 17:19)
I am a new creation ( 2 Corinthians 5:17)
I am a royal daughter (1 Peter 2:9)
I am reconciled to God (2 Corinthians 5:19)
I am free (John 8:36)
I am justified (Galatians 2:16)
I am chosen (Ephesians 1:4)
So it's amazing to know what our heavenly father thinks of us and its a reminder that when the enemy comes in & says that u r flawed, u r useless, u r unloved, ur no good etc that we can say no this is WHO I AM in Christ. In Christ the enemy is defeated. In Christ we know that there is truth in wot he says.
So jus remember that God wants us to continually stay in touch with WHO WE ARE!

@josephjohn
Joseph John Golden @josephjohn ·

I'm sorry these terrible things happened to you as a child and spilled over into your adult life which seems to be every case, keep looking to Jesus in all things and you will be set free, continue to grow in grace and above all else read and meditate on His word. the enemy is correct when he says those awful things to us because that is exactly who we are apart from Christ, but when we become a child of God everything changes and we have a love set on us that we cannot comprehend with our finite minds. May the lord Jesus Christ bless you as you continue to grow in grace in the knowledge of who He is.

@josephjohn
Joseph John Golden @josephjohn ·

I'm sorry these terrible things happened to you as a child and spilled over into your adult life which seems to be every case, keep looking to Jesus in all things and you will be set free, continue to grow in grace and above all else read and meditate on His word. the enemy is correct when he says those awful things to us because that is exactly who we are apart from Christ, but when we become a child of God everything changes and we have a love set on us that we cannot comprehend with our finite minds. May the lord Jesus Christ bless you as you continue to grow in grace in the knowledge of who He is.

@shanijane
·

Hey Lovely,

Writing these types of blogs are hard work. You are brave.

You got this!
Shani

@bethy
·

Yea well my behaviour last Thursday was nothing to write home about so all you get from me is my love my utter pride in who you are and a wee smile because you are my friend .

His right hand is on you and his outstretched arm covers you .

@kreynolds
K Reynolds @kreynolds ·

I am going to share with you something that the Holy Spirit taught me long ago. Before we were formed in our mother's womb, in fact, God always knew exactly who I was and what I was capable of. In other words, when Jesus died on the cross for me as well as everyone else, He knew all our faults and shortcomings. He knew the times we would walk well but He also knew every time we would fail and even rebel.

Knowing ALL of these things about every single one of us Ann-Marie, He still came, He still remained on the cross, He still died that we might live. He knew who and what we are... yet He loved us anyway.

In God's Word there is a beautiful promise found in 1 John 1:9. Though this is verse is often used for salvation, it was written to Christians for the letter it is contained in was written to Believers.

John writes: "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (KJV)

Once again, John is writing to Christians.

Nothing you have ever said, thought or done catches God by surprise. He knew the moments you speak of long before they ever happened and yet He still loved you enough for Jesus Christ to lay down His life that you might be saved. He still redeemed you and called you by name. His Word says that nothing (and that means nothing) can separate us from the love of Christ.

It is called mercy and grace. God does not give us what we deserve (punishment and separation from Him) but He gives us so much more than what we deserve, namely His love, mercy and forgiveness.

So lay it all at His feet but when you rise up again, don't take it with you. Instead remember God's love, mercy, grace and forgiveness. Remember you do not earn God's love, He freely gives it to you simply because you are you!

@doneuntotheleast
Les Braswell @doneuntotheleast ·

You have shown more courage writing this and what you have heard God say is true than any one person could say in weeks. You remain in my thoughts, heart, and prayers. our Father in heaven ... Your father certainly seems to be saying how much he loves you and only wants you to see and know who you are in Christ. Thank you for a very real and true testimony touching my heart. Thank you for blessing me. Les

@watchmanjohn
John Knox @watchmanjohn ·

May the God of all hope surround you with his love, My the God of all love surround you with his grace, may the God of abundant grace surround you with his presence and glory.

@bethy
·

Hon can I just say something else here. Use the good people here to help encourage you and hold you. They will pray for you without judgement and they will love you unconditionally. I have had this rabble praying for me on so many occasions and they have carried me through some pretty rough days.

love ya sis
.j.

@aggiefaulkner
Ann-marie Faulkner @aggiefaulkner ·

I m so overwhelmed this morning with the love from all you guys...reading all ur comments has me in tears this morning...I have fought with God this past few days of sharing these things as I m ashamed of the things that I ve done especially as a Christian...so today s not a good day as I ve an overwhelming feeling of running away 2day but I knew I d feel like this as when I share or get close 2 God the enemy tries his hardest to come in and destroy me again...so 2day I m fighting against the enemy...so again bless u guys xx

Do not include honorifics.
@aggiefaulkner

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