"When will you learn to do as you are told"? , that was the question that Maggie posed to me on Monday morning. "Hmm I dont believe I have ever done as Im told" was my reply. Looking at me with a slight grin, her response was that maybe that was part of my problem!
Obedience was the topic of the hour. My inability to obey and the reasons why I choose not to.
It is terribly complicated but I will say that it has vindicated my belief that it was not always my fault. Circumstances and 'stuff', have led me to being afraid to give control to others. Yet this very way of living has caused me pain, distress and hurt at times. It has gotten me into all sorts of bother and left me at times confused and angered at the way my christian walk has been moving along.
I am reading the book 'The Breaking Of The Outher Man', by Watchman Nee. He suggests that there are times God halts our progress because of our lack of brokenesss yet like the prophet we blame the donkey for the stoppage and dont see the hand of God in it.
we lean on our own understanding and refuse to allow God to direct our paths.
We refuse to be obedient. OK I refuse to be obedient!
You see, I see obedience as a weakness in me . I fear it will lead to me being manipulated and hurt all over again. I dont see that God demands my obedience for my own good. When I obey Him I am saying that I totally trust his decisions for my life.
I am sitting under the authority of my counsellor at the moment. She is a hard hard woman! But God has instructed me to obey her every word for my recovery. My homework this week is to practice obedience... Anyone got a dictionary handy?
I looked it up. Afraid I don't fit the descriptions. My walk has been hindered once or twice for being stubborn. Also been slowed to let the recent learning be understood. That's all I can say of it. I have always been a rebel.
Very good read.
I am dealing with an 18 month old from time to time at the moment who is learning some lessons in obedience. For example, I have a gas fireplace at my house. Though enclosed, the glass gets hot and is very dangerous to touch. That is obvious if the fire is going but let's say I had just turned it off so it looks like it was never on but the glass has not cooled down yet. Uh-oh! So long ago I made a rule for little ones at my house. They can't climb up onto the hearth. The older ones have learned this lesson but Isaac is at the point where he walks over to it, turns to see if I am watching him and lifts one foot into the air and looks at me again. Do you want to sit in the chair or do you want to continue to play and have fun? He doesn't like to sit. He prefers to play so he puts that foot down on the floor again. He is a smart boy, Bethy. I wish I was half as smart some times. Obedience to God is not a prison. It is for my own good and in reality, it leads to freedom and true joy. The enemy, as usual, is a liar.