I have a nasty little habit; Its not what you think, I dont gamble, I dont rob banks and I most certainly dont play golf. What I do do though, is tear my lip.
I tear it until it is raw and then I tear it some more. Only when it hurts to high heaven do I give it some respite. As a woman I can legitimately wear lipstick to cover my habit when I go out, but in the home I really go to town on it. Today my Elizabeth Arden plum lipstick is covering it up nicely and none need know I have canibalastic tendencies towards my lip. Even I had forgotten for a time that it was and is quite sore today.
My counsellor tells me it is a form of self harm, that and choosing not to take my crazy pills . But what does she know eh?
Anyhow back to the story in hand, or in mouth to be more accurate. There was I sitting in work happily awaiting the kettle to boil for tea when I remembered I had a packet of pickled onion flavoured crisps in the drawer. So out they came and in they popped ! AAAGGGHHHH
The pain I can only liken to falling and getting gravel in the palm of your hands or in your knees. No, actually it is like getting gravel in your knee and then pouring salt in it. No no, in truth it is more like having your leg sawn off and then dipped into acid. Not the sawn off leg you understand for you would not feel that pain at all. That would be a pointless exercise.
I had forgotten about the self inflicted injury I had caused myself. I had forgotten that I had covered the wound with something that was pretty nice and darn expensive.
But niceness and expensive doesnt really cut it ( if you excuse the pun) . The lipstick only provided camoflauge it did nothing to ease the pain.
I am going through a long process at the minute where I am wiping away the lipstick over my wounds. It hurts in the way that pickled onion crisps on a torn lip hurt.
It hurts. So much.
I will cast All my cares upon you
I will lay all of my burdens down at your feet
And anytime that I dont know what to do
I will cast all my cares upon you!