Forgiveness is a funny old chap it is a word that has more weight in it that the sum of its letters so having forgiveness on my mind these past few days I looked its meaning up int the Chambers Dictionary.
Forgiveness ; forgiveness noun 1 the act of forgiving or state of being forgiven. 2 readiness to forgive ,disposition to pardon.
I have known the definition of the word , I have known how to spell the word, I have known at times how to apply the word within my relationship with others ( at times), and I have known where to find it in the dictionary. yes, I have known the word but I never really knew the music that went along with it.
Let me explain. At praise group practice we will usually have the music sheet alongside the words for a new song. Occasionally we only have the words printed on a piece of paper, and whilst we ohh and ahh over the words, the song never really comes to life until the music that was written for those words is fused with the words. Then it soars on a different plane. It has colour, pictures, it has breath it actually lives. Whilst the words can be read with beauty the song can be sung with passion.
i went through my life knowing I was forgiven, yet constantly tearing my hair at my daily failings. What if I am not forgiven? What if Im not really sorry? Why is she more content in her forgiveness than I , Why does she seem to have it all together (Why? Why? Why? I would actually pull my hair out or eat my lip in distress as I remembered some sin I had committed in my past.
Why was I not at rest ?
Because I didn't know the music. Because I didn't fully understand that every sin mattered to jesus. That every sin committed by me and against me mattered. I had to acknowlege that when someone hurt me, Jesus had died for that sin and I was not to say it didn't really matter to me. When I sinned I had to come to Jesus and name that sin if I could and know that he had already died for it and was in a state of readiness to forgive.
I didn't know the music of a God who chooses to remember my sin no more. I didnt know the music of a God who is there not to trip me up but to hold me up. I didn't know the music of a God who accepts me for who I am and slowly changes what I am. I didn't know the music of a God who champions my every move and thought. I didn't know the music of a God who sings over me.
I didnt know the music.
Now I stand in the fullness and the beauty of a heavenly Score