Since I must be a person of my word and I promised to "bless" you all with some humor, I can think of no better time than now to start. We shall start with a list of questions to ponder the next time you are stuck in traffic, the "express" line at the market or the restroom for an extended amount of time.
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there is not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but has to check when you say the paint is still wet?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from ******?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
There, was that so bad? My personal favorite was the last one, for it is oh so true. Next up are some real stories of some of the most mentally challenged people on earth. It is truly a pity we must claim some of these folks as fellow humans:
"I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter in to the emergency room right away."
"A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, 'Nobody move!' When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him."
"I live in a semi-rural area of Wisconsin. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this, 'Put all your money in this bag.' While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Well that is enough humor for a Saturday morning. When we are feeling down, it is good to know others are having a rough time of it too. When we make silly mistakes, it is good to know there are professionals out there making our mistakes look like acts of a genius. Have a good weekend.
Good Stuff and exactly what I needed today. To much doom and gloom in my world these days. I really did laugh out loud at the last story of the bank robber. Can't remember the last time i laughed like that just reading something.
And why do we think the elevator will come faster the more we punch the button?
And why does bread fall on the floor always butter side down?
Then there was the supposedly true story of the bank robber who wrote the hold up note on the back of his very own personalized deposit slip, complete with his name and address . . . .
It is good to laugh on a Saturday morning!
don't laugh too hard, B2Y, it hurts after surgery.
Mona Smith (@Gracie),
That was the story I thought about as well. Did you see me hitting the elevator button multiple times the other day?
Yes, it is good to laugh. Thanks for the laughter...especially on a cold winter morning in MN! It really helps to warm you up quickly.