Dealing with someone in pain

What is pain? Officially, pain is defined as an unpleasant physical sensation, a feeling of discomfort or emotional distress. Pain can be an ache or an expression of grief. The word “pain” rarely conveys what is REALLY going on and that is hurt, sting, throbbing, sorrow, anguish and the ultimate description; agony. Agony is a GREAT physical pain or mental anguish (extreme anxiety or emotional torment).

Yesterday I was in such physical pain that I actually and literally screamed. A yet undiagnosed problem somewhere in my jaw has really brought me low on occasion for quite some time now. When it flares up, it has all the intensity of “TN” but no one believes that is what it is (and that is a very good thing). The problem is that when it flares up, the pain literally blows up like searing branding irons or lightning bolts going through my jawbone. Needless to say, it is not a pleasant sensation.

As I wrote about the other day, I am aware that other people hear about my seemingly endless physical situations and immediately think “if he had more faith he would get healed” . Perhaps this is true, just as I could say that about my wife when she gets a migraine. But, how exactly is one supposed to get “more faith” in the midst of a pain attack that rivals the Romans overrunning Jerusalem in the First Century?

It is incredibly easy to criticize, complain about and condemn someone else for not doing something to get better or doing something they should not have done. It is incredibly hard to prayerfully support, encourage, comfort and lift up someone else when they are under attack. Job had his fair share of “miserable comforters” who badgered him constantly when he was in agony. Good grief, even his own wife condemned him and along with others urged him to just condemn God and die.

Why is the natural tendency so many times to judge another person and condemn them for the misery they are going through? Why is the natural tendency to immediately assume a person has sinned when they get sick or have something bad happen to them? Why is the natural tendency to point a finger at someone going through a difficult time, failing to realize there are three other fingers pointing back at them?

I do not expect anyone to understand the pain I am enduring ; but I do expect by brothers and sisters in Christ to pray for me and not judge or condemn me. Yet, when I have reached out to fellow Christians I have known for many years, all they want to do is preach at me and make me feel worse than I already do. Compassion, mercy, care and concern are what someone hurting needs to get better. I pray we all stop ourselves before we think, say or do anything judgmental or condemning when we hear or see someone in the throes of suffering or tormented by some physical, mental or emotional distress that is beating them down.

Our hands can either reach out in love and hold with compassion or be used to smack someone when they are down or wave them off as a fly. I pray, on behalf of all those who periodically must endure excruciating pain or suffering, to ALWAYS reach out with open hands and never with closed fists or a hand ready to slap a person in the face for being a failure or a sinner. Jesus hugged the leper that everyone else ran away from. May we all remember to do the same for our brothers and sisters in any kind of pain.

@doneuntotheleast
Les Braswell @doneuntotheleast ·

Kirk,

I am right in the same boat everyday with you taking all the meds. and have heard all your have for 4 decades. Believe, you and Beth are in my prayers daily. Also one thing i have learned ... if my walking this road breaks the fallen world passing of sin/disease to future generation of family. It was worth every tear cried.

In my heart and prayers daily.

In Him,
Les

@asifbyfire
Phillip Jones @asifbyfire ·

I must say I have little patience with people who tell someone who suffering pain in any form that they just need more faith. As if faith were some sort of magic wand that could be waived and everything would be alright. We were promised by the Lord that we would have trouble in this life and pain is part of it. We are to come alongside our brothers and sisters and share their pain. Not condemn them. God Bless and know that I am praying for you.

@theiwitness
·

Yeah go figure people !

I guess people over look the part where it says , mourn with those who are in mourning sing with them who are singing .

Be forever blessed
Mark

@enje25
Barbra Lambert @enje25 ·

My heart aches for you as I read that you've suffered so, Kirk, and I pray with all my heart that God will deliver you soon from this pain.

"Why is the natural tendency so many times to judge another person and condemn them for the misery they are going through? Why is the natural tendency to immediately assume a person has sinned when they get sick or have something bad happen to them? Why is the natural tendency to point a finger at someone going through a difficult time, failing to realize there are three other fingers pointing back at them?"

I believe others respond like this because they have "not" suffered to an extensive enough degree to physically, spiritually, intellectually, and emotionally relate to the "true" sufferings of those who are really hurting; because intense physical pain affects us in each of the above mentioned areas.

I think too that "their comforts" tends to blind them to the devastating realities that intense pain can have on one's entire life; perhaps as well seeing others' sufferings stirs up within them a... "fear"... of what might possibly happen to them, so to counter their feelings they harden themselves to what they see. But most of all, I believe it is a lack of understanding the scriptures; hence a lack of godly compassion.

God is using your sufferings for profound reasons, one of which is to help others who are suffering with relentless chronic pain issues; so please know that you are respected, loved, understood, and BELIEVED here with your CB family.

In Christ

@blessings2you
Kirk M @blessings2you ·

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, they mean a lot to me. I do believe that God has called me to suffer to somehow show those who live "perfect" lives what it means to have imperfect bodies and minds. Thank God we will have new bodies and minds when Christ returns. Come quickly Lord Jesus, come quickly.

@kreynolds
K Reynolds @kreynolds ·

Whenever someone says the words "trigeminal neuralgia" my heart stands still because I have a personal connection to that horrible condition. When people say that childbirth is the worst pain a person can endure I can only say I have experienced both of these things and those people do not know what they are talking about. Nerve pain, whether it is from TN or some other form of neuropathy is not only excruciating, it is nearly impossible to relieve as traditional pain-killers such as aspirin, ibuprofen, etc simply have no effect on this type of pain. Unless you have chronic nerve pain, most people do not understand that.

In 2013, when I was seeking the cause of my unbearable facial pain that could send me screaming to the floor, I was very thankful that both my primary doctor as well as my neurologist at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester were very quick to assure me that just because they could not physically identify what was causing these horrible spasms, they fully believed that this was not in my head or that I was not making it up. Just because they couldn't understand why it was happening, didn't mean it wasn't. They fully acknowledged and sympathized with my pain.

I remember what a relief it was to have them validate what I was feeling and experiencing. No, it didn't make the pain go away but it did help me to better endure it and even took away some of the fear that goes along with that sort of pain. Someone cared. Someone understood. Even though someone couldn't make it "better", they would sit beside me and let me talk and even cry for as long as necessary. You know, I think that is something we all need.

And so... I know that you know I am praying but I am going to say it once again. I am standing beside you, my friend. I know that there are others here who are doing so as well. We are standing beside you with our love and prayers, crying out to God in prayer and we are also listening.

:pray:

Blessings!

K :princess:

@enje25
Barbra Lambert @enje25 ·

"I am standing beside you, my friend. I know that there are others here who are doing so as well. We are standing beside you with our love and prayers, crying out to God in prayer and we are also listening."

Amen, dearest K :princess: - Amen! :pray:

@watchmanjohn
John Knox @watchmanjohn ·

Until a believer can say that they have experienced and shared in the sufferings of Christ they have no concept of pain suffering shame etc that Christ took on himself for us. 2 Cor. 1 v 5 Hence they do not have compassion that come from the heart of God himself for they live in a world of a 'hardened heart.' Thats how I see it in answer to your plea Kirk, as to why.

I recall the verse from Isaiah that says Jesus will not break a bruised reed - neither should we who claim to be Christ's ambassadors.

You and Beth along with others from CB are being lifted up to the throne of Grace daily.

wmj

Do not include honorifics.
@blessings2you

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