Pardon My Parody but it is Super Bowl Sunday for most

Once a year I am allowed to write something along the lines of this post. This is because a law was given to Moses which somehow didn't make it into the Bible, but is valid none the less. This law dealt with one's attitude toward the Super Bowl. In the ancient "whowoodathunkit" text there is a verse which reads:

"Man shall not live by Super Bowl Sunday alone".

Immediately following that verse is this one:

"Thou shalt not elevate Super Bowl Sunday to the level of being the most important day of the year".

In light of these two obscure verses, I feel it my yearly duty to pour cold water on the commonly held belief that today is the most revered of all holidays and the whole world should stop and partake of the pageantry, drama and unparalleled excitement this day brings. I know entire nations shut down and 6.5 billion people in the world sit glued to their television sets, even in the middle of the night in huts in Borneo, to partake of this yearly festival. But that does not mean I have to.

My neighbor, who is very good friends with the sheriff, has threatened to have me arrested if I do not watch the game today. He said it is his patriotic duty to make sure everyone he knows fully participates in this most holy of days. I must admit that I lied to him and told him we would turn the television on. What I didn't tell him was for how long.

Posted throughout our little town are signs warning people that if they are spotted out and about (except at halftime, and especially during Bruce's performance) they will be cited for violation of ordinance 48520 which specifically states:

"All citizens are hereby ordered to stay at home and watch the Super Bowl as part of their patriotic duty to God and country. All citizens are hereby ordered to drink at least one six pack of beer and devour at least two bowls of chili in addition to bags of chips and pretzels. Finally, let it be so noted before God and man that during the halftime performance by Bruce, all citizens are allowed to walk their dogs, go buy more beer and visit their church to pray for their favorite team."

With such an ordinance in place, I find myself in the same position as Peter and John in the book of Acts. Do I dare venture outside after 5:17 p.m.? Is it worth the risk of years in county jail to disobey these commands? Hmmmm. I will have to weigh the pros and cons of such a decision over the course of the day.

I know that one year, way back in the middle ages like 1991 or so; my wife and I went shopping during the Super Bowl. There were some good deals at the store, but unfortunately for me, back in those days only women were allowed to shop during the Super Bowl. I was apprehended and sentenced to fifty days of community service and forced to watch the next year's Super Bowl at a genuine Super Bowl Party.

Being a good citizen, I did as I was told and that next year I did indeed go to a genuine and authentic Super Bowl party that started at 2:00 p.m. and went on till the lopsided game ended. I have no idea who played that year other than Buffalo and they lost by like 170 points to someone. But, being the good boy that I am, I did fully participate in all the traditions associated with a genuine Super Bowl party.

I ate chili that tore at my gut for days afterward. I ate bags of various snacks and gained at least 25 pounds that day. I placed my bet on the total number of points scored in the game and I played some kind of card game for hours leading up to the kickoff. Being the "party animal" that I am, that day was the worst punishment for any crime I have ever committed in this life. I can assure everyone that I have never gone shopping during the Super Bowl again, nor have I attended any parties.

So, we are only a few hours away from the unofficial start of millions of people's favorite unofficial holiday of the year. Many good Christians skipped church today to sleep in so they are well rested for the vigorous activities this day will bring. Many people actually cut short their Saturday night partying so they had some room left for today's parties. I hear some cities such as Pittsburgh have already informed all schools and businesses to open two hours later than normal tomorrow (seriously) so the revelers can stay up late either rioting because they won the game or rioting because they lost.

As our tradition is, my wife and I may actually watch at least one play of the game so we can tell everyone "we watched the Super Bowl". Due to Kurt Warner playing, we actually might watch more if he is having a good game. Kurt Warner is still somewhat of a god around St. Louis for bringing them the Super Bowl trophy back in 2000. Rumor has it the entire city will be watching the game today rooting for him. I guess that means they don't care which team wins, just so long as he wins??????

Thank you for allowing me to express my feelings about this most unusual and in many ways absurd day. Unlike last year when I wrote a serious and scathing post on this day and faced the scorn and ridicule of upset believers all day; this year I chose to simply put my feelings in the form of a little humor. I don't care if people watch the Super Bowl. We live in a free country (for awhile), so if you enjoy this day, go enjoy it. All I ask is that those of us who do not enjoy it be allowed to do so also.

So, I leave you with the wish that your team wins, that Kurt Warner wins????, that your city decides to let you sleep in for two hours tomorrow and that when this day is done, you are blessed. In spite of my sarcastic post, I do pray this day is a blessing for you however you chose to spend it. Just watch out for any local ordinances, except at halftime.

@mkmills
Michael Mills @mkmills ·

Thanks for this!

You made my day! But I am worried. You see, I'm not a big football fan and rarely watch games or the Super Bowl. In past years I avoided being arrested by turning off all the lights in my home and retreating to the basement. But now -- ever since 9/11, with the increase in personal surveillance -- I'm concerned that I might be caught!!!

I'm also wondering if I can program my DVD recorder to cut out all the game and only record the commercials????

Michael

@poodlelady
Sandy Brooks @poodlelady ·

Well B2Y since it's Super Bowl Sunday and the Packers aren't playing, I had planned to go shopping --until I read your blog. Now I'm thinking-- I will put the TV on whatever channel the game is on and put a movie in the DVD player and set out the snacks, that way if anyone comes to the door I can just flip back to the TV and wa-la the game will be on!
This should eliminate the chances of being arrested or tortured by a future Super Bowl Party!

I'm sure hubby will keep up with the score -- just so he knows what happened --he doesn't like football at all!!ps

ps.
I loved your description of a "Super Bowl Party" and I am in full agreement with you on that one!

poodle

@kiwibird
Alison Stewart @kiwibird ·

Hmmm Super Bowl to a kiwibird.... Sounds like a supersize cereal bowl

Kurt Warner...is he related to Chris Warner on our NZ soap 'Shortland Street'? Watch sport on telly...naaah! I'd rather go and chase my chooks! Just a thought (another one) You could put the telly on in the lounge. You know what I mean, lots of sound and light in the lounge while you quietly read a book in the bedroom using a dim light, and then rush out and grab the paper early the next morning so that you can catch up with the play.

This would mean that:

you wouldn't have to eat chilli and get a sore gut:eek: you wouldn't have to eat a load of junk food and put on weight :( you wouldn't be caught without the knowledge the next day :confused: (paper) or (sorry I missed that...I was getting a snack) you wouldn't get arrested because no-one would know you weren't watching On the other hand you would have been entertained by reading a good book! :) :wink: kbird

@kreynolds
K Reynolds @kreynolds ·

Oh....the Superbowl. It didn't dawn on me until yesterday when I was getting groceries that it was even going to be on today. All I knew was there was this huge buy one get one free sale on ribs, pork chops, steaks and anything else that said moo...plus I had a $10.00 off my grocery store bill coupon from a promo my favorite grocery store was running with the station where I get usually get gas. Since I'd stocked up on chicken awhile back and my diabetic dietician's nickname for me is "little carnivore" (unlike most women, with the exception of chocolate, my love affair is with protein rather than carbs which makes being a diabetic a whole lot easier) I was out shopping with my coupons in hand. I saved over $58.00 by the way.

Anyways, I was oblivious as to exactly why they were having this sale until my husband said those magic words. "Superbowl Sunday." What can I say. I live in Minnesota. Our football team is the Vikings. Superbowl and Vikings. If you remember the 70's, you know what happens when those two words get together. It's not pretty. The game is not on at our house today. What can I say....

Now as far as St. Louis is concerned, I'm not a football fan but I cut my teeth on St. Louis Cardinal baseball games. My dad, who was from Iowa, was a Cardinal's fan. When my husband was in St. Louis a few years back, he brought me back a Cardinal's cap. I have to confess that I pretty much quit following them after dad was gone...it just wasn't the same but I sure love my Cardinal's cap...especially living in Twin's territory.

K :princess:

P.S. Please try to avoid getting arrested!

@blessings2you
Kirk M @blessings2you ·

I LOVE IT KIWI--an oversized cereal bowl. I have to remember that.

Just in case anyone thought I was serious about getting arrested; no there is no such thing as a "Super Bowl Patrol", although many people act like there is.

Kurt Warner is actually a devout Christians who has led many people to the Lord. He is not afraid to give Jesus the glory and his faith has aroused the ire of many an unbelieving NFL player and commentator. I actually do wish him well, as I would anybody who plays the game to give God the glory. I don't know if he goes to NZ and stars in a soap opera in the off season. Perhaps that is where he was during those five years he was not too good.

It is quite amazing that NBC managed to sell every commercial spot for the price they wanted for this game. I know a lot of companies who have put their company on the line by spending millions of dollars for one commercial. If it goes over, they hit a the jackpot, if it flops--well another company bites the dust.

Many years ago there was a NFL team in Chicago which moved to St. Louis and was named the Cardinals to go along with the baseball team. When the team moved to Arizona they kept the same name, thus the Arizona Cardinals (even though I would be surprised to see one in the state). Who knows what a "Steeler" is, I guess it is sort of like a "Jayhawk" or some of the other wild names for teams they come up with. Personally I like animal names--lions, tigers, bears, oh my

Anyway, in a few hours this year's edition of the Super Cereal Bowl will be over and then when everyone recovers from their hangovers, the real life financial crisis takes center stage. So from that perspective, I guess the upcoming game does provide some relief to those about to lose everything.

Ah yes, the 1970's Vikings. Did they ever win the Super Bowl or did they end up like the Buffalo teams which lost every year? At least the Bears and Packers and even the Rams won at least one Super Bowl, not to rub it in Titan fans (alight). Gee I see the game starts soon, I better get busy so I won't miss the one play we watch.

Thanks for playing along with this parody today.
B2Y

@kreynolds
K Reynolds @kreynolds ·

No, we never have won a Superbowl..we always seem to choke in spite of our tough sounding name :cry:
What can I say. At least we've been there.

K :princess:

@throughfaith
Erin Cochran @throughfaith ·

Thank you for the laugh.

As we don't turn on video games, computers, or the TV on Sunday ... Super Bowl, hmm ... We did go outside but only to the backyard to work on all the gardens beds so we were hidden by the fence. And before the game started we made it to the grocery store where the manager was selling ribs and couldn't believe that we didn't want to buy enough for the neighborhood to gnaw on during the game. My husband asked him "what game?" and smiled.

Now, if we were talking about basketball playoffs ... this would be a different comment altogether! :wink:

Erin

@savedbyegrace
Linda Young @savedbyegrace ·

I had such witty responses to your blog until I read Kbird's response . . . I have no idea what she said. I feel like Chris Rock in that movie speaking to Jackie Chan, not knowing Jackie was fluent in English. He speaks loudly, which one must do when conversing to someone in a different language 'DO YOU UNNASTAND THE WORDS COMIN' OUTTA MY MOUTH?"

Um, Kbird, I'm not exactly sure what all you said. I think "telly" transcends the ocean but I am not sure what a chook is and why you'd chase one. There again, I'm not sure if I have a lounge in my house where I'd want to read a book either. I do have books though.

We do not go to Super Bowl parties but usually watch the game. All I can say is,

You cannot have watched Santonio Holmes make that last second end zone reception and remain an atheist.

Thanks for the wonderful laugh, I needed it.

KB, send a dictionary, please. I'll send one on "How to Speak Southern", where it defines such southernisms as "How's yo mamanem?" And, "Jeet yet?"

But I will leave you with this: the word y'all is singular or used when speaking to one or two people. When speaking to a larger group of people, however, it is proper to say, all y'all.

So all y'all watch the Super Bowl next year as a witnessing tool.

:heart:

@kraftykatz
Marsha Tyler Ronquist @kraftykatz ·

Next year, go to Animal Planet and watch the puppy bowl, with a kitty half time performance.

Great fun!!

We watched the DVD of the movie "An American Carol" after the puppy bowl.

KraftyKatz
:coffee: thanking God her hubby not a football fan.:clap:

@whobelieve
Elizabeth Fox @whobelieve ·

B2Y, Steelers is in reference to the fact that once upon a time (or maybe still is) Pittsburg produced the majority of steel for the US.
My hubby went to a Superbowl "party" of 4 or 5 at my cousin's house...He's got a big screen.
Usually he goes to the party that is hosted by one of the elders of our church. Very cool. Watch the game, get heartburn, no danger of hearing cuss words!

@blessings2you
Kirk M @blessings2you ·

Hmmm. I will refrain from the temptation of saying they were called the "Stealers" instead of "Steelers". I actually did watch the last 5 or so minutes of the game and I must say that even my wife and I got a bit excited. Perhaps if all football games were as exciting as the final five minutes were Sunday some of us might be be tempted to watch more----but I doubt it.
Thanks,
B2Y

Do not include honorifics.
@blessings2you

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