Here I stand before you Lord, without a stitch of self-righteousness. Here I stand before you Lord, fully clothed in your glory and adorned with your grace. I have nothing to give you save the life you gave me, I can do nothing for you outside of your strength. I am nothing according to the world, but in you I have everything and am everything good and right.
Lord, I stand here today knowing full well what you have made me in Christ; yet I cannot seem to climb above the debris of this life to grab your hand. I have studied your Word and know what it says; yet when trouble comes, that knowledge vanishes as dust in the wind. I have tasted and known your love and goodness; yet in times of great hurt, I feel so alone.
I cry out before you to save me and fix me; yet at times there is no help on the way. I cry out to you to heal me and touch me; yet at times you so seem so distant and far away. My heart cries out Abba Father, yet my mind is somewhere entirely different. My heart cries out to you in the depths of my despair, but my body refuses to listen to my heart.
The conflicts within us are enough to drive us mad, but through it all God remains faithful and true. The will to do God's will rises up within us, but the will of the flesh many times wins the battle. Enough, we scream, as we seek peace and solace, but the mind keeps racing and leading us away from the heart of God where tranquility abounds and peace reigns.
Am I so different that no one else has these moments of self doubt and despair? Are not the Psalms filled with the groaning of David's and other men's hearts as they seek to figure God and His Word out? Did not even some prophets cry out in confusion as they sought to understand the why's and wherefore's of what was happening to and around them?
Only a fool would believe there are no times in this life when doubts arise and fears ambush our minds. As men and women who love God and His Word, we long to be perfect and give ourselves 40 save one lashes when we are not. At times we sit upon the mountain, enjoying the sunrise and all that lies ahead. At times we lay in the valley, crying out for someone to save us.
It has been promised to us that in this life we can expect trials, tribulations and afflictions, even as we have been promised victory and celebration. Whether fighting for our lives or triumphing in God's grace; we must remember that our lives are in God's hands. No matter what happens in life, if our hearts remain faithful to God, we can have the assurance He loves us and will never forsaken us.
As I read your blog, the song "Worn" by 10th Avenue North came on over the radio. I thought it went perfectly with your blog. May we continue to press on, no matter what.