Perhaps the most difficult thing for a person to handle in this life is finding out that those you entrusted with your life, were taught by, and who said they loved you never really cared one iota about you and that what they said was for the most part lies or half-truths. This was the position I was thrown into after that night in November of 1983. With the exception of my little band of angels (my staff) and few people scattered across the state, I had no friends and no one I could talk to about what had happened to me. I did not trust ANY ONE in the ministry chain of command for in my eyes they had all conspired to destroy my life and ministry. Worst of all; the man who I had once considered my father in the Word of God and a great man of God, was nothing more than a vengeful and mean-spirited pervert.
Those who are charged with the oversight of God's people have a responsibility before Almighty God to walk righteously, keep themselves pure and walk in love. Throughout the Old and New Testaments, there is ample proof that God holds the shepherds, prophets, overseers, apostles and leaders of His people to high and noble standard. Whether Old Testament prophets, Jesus Christ or New Testament apostles; those who use abuse God's people for their own pleasure and profit are called out and condemned. Of all the things God cannot tolerate; the abuse of power and authority by those He calls to serve His people is near the top of the list.
Among the things I had to come to grips with in my life after November's incident was the fact that pretty much everything I had thought was true was a lie and everyone I thought gave a hoot about me did not care one iota about my state. No one, and I mean NO ONE, called me after that incident to check up on me. No one bothered to see if I needed anything, needed to talk or even to tell me I was the ministry's worst creep. Silence is a powerful tool and many times the strongest form of punishment available. The nearly universal silence imparted upon me by everyone who was privy to what had taken place devastated me. I was left hanging on the line, alone and afraid.
This silent treatment continues to this day for the most part. In the 32 years since that incident, 99% of all the people (peers, friends , fellow leaders and others) I had a relationship with have never spoken to me again. I did hear from a trusted source that in the days after that night in November, the man who had orchestrated that night publically and scandalously made me out to be the villain in the situation and dictated the following things to be ministry policy in respect to me:
17Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them that are causing the divisions and occasions of stumbling, contrary to the doctrine which ye learned: and turn away from them.
18For they that are such serve not our Lord Christ, but their own belly; and by their smooth and fair speech they beguile the hearts of the innocent.
Romans 16:17, 18 American Standard Version (ASV)
14And if any man obeyeth not our word by this epistle, note that man, that ye have no company with him, to the end that he may be ashamed.
2 Thessalonians 3:14 American Standard Version (ASV)
But as it is, I wrote unto you not to keep company, if any man that is named a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such a one no, not to eat.
1 Corinthians 5:11 American Standard Version (ASV)
10A factious man after a first and second admonition refuse;
11knowing that such a one is perverted, and sinneth, being self-condemned.
Titus 3:10, 11 American Standard Version (ASV)
Even now, 32 years after the events of November 1983, quoting these verses as applying to me is like a dagger being thrust into my heart. This is WAY BEYOND the pot calling the kettle black. This is WAY BEYOND slander. That these verses, with the horrible things mentioned being done by someone, would be used as justification to more or less excommunicate me from the ministry represents the scope of deception the man who once ran that ministry had fallen into. In due time, I came to realize that what is mentioned in all these verses applied to HIM, and I did exactly what these verses exhorted the believers to do. The day in November of 1986 when I officially and forever walked away from that devilish ministry marked the beginning of my new life and the start of God's rehabilitation project in me.
Sitting here now, I feel no animosity, bitterness or anger towards either the man who tried to kill me or the ministry that succeeded in making my very name anathema. God is in charge of pay back and vengeance is His and He will repay in His due time. The man who did these things to me died a pathetic and miserable man 18 months after that night in November 1983. His ministry that rejected me, falsely accused me and slandered my reputation split apart into dozens of sects a few years after 1983. Many of the friends that utterly shunned and condemned me have died and/or lead little groups that continue to deceive and mislead believers.
I thank God that He pulled me out of the valley of death and in His due time gave me a life far better than any I knew in my ministry days . I continue to be rebuked by people for my apparent lack of involvement or commitment because I never started my own ministry or became a leader in some church. I did not do these things for personal reasons and because of what I will share in upcoming blogs.