The heaviness upon my heart

My heart is filled with sadness as I sit here this morning thinking about the past week. So many things have happened here at CB and in our individual lives, and many of them have not been positive. I feel so helpless in that there is very little I can do except pray and manifest faith toward the various situations.

I remember a time in 2009 when many things were going wrong here at CB. At the time, I still had my green van and despite a dire lack of funds, I took off to visit some members and try to help them with their situations. I did not see much success but at least I tried. For many years I was in a ministry position where I would fly out the door to drive however many miles it took to help someone being crushed by life.

Between my various health issues and utter lack of money; I can no longer go anywhere unless it is 100 miles or less. This breaks my heart for I long to help, counsel, teach and be a friend to believers in need. Although I can help on line on the phone; it is not quite the same. For those of you struggling with situations, please accept my apologies for not being able to stand the gap physically to help. Do know that I continue to pray for your situations and you personally.

When the CB site went down this week and I heard John say it would take a lot of money to get it up, all I could do was lament that after eight and one half years of giving when things came up; the well has run dry. I will still fight to keep giving my monthly tithe, but the funds are just not there to rush in and help when needs arise. I have to believe that somewhere out there is someone with the financial means to keep John and this site afloat.

On another note; my old nemesis has reared his ugly head this week and I have almost had to go to the emergency room numerous times to my congestive heart failure and corresponding fluid buildup. I humbly ask for your prayers as I continue to fight this battle that has brought me down many times. All I can do is pray that God heals me physical heart so it is strong enough to do its job. Oh how I wish I had the physical strength and stamina to do all the things I need and want to do; but, for the present time I cannot do them.

Thank you for listening to me for it has helped lift a bit of the sadness cloaking my heart. Long ago I gave my life to the Lord and have no desire to take it back. Long ago I told the Lord that His will should be done in my life, whatever that is. My heart's desire continues to be that I am a faithful servant who is a blessing to Him who has saved my life and given me a life worth living. Thank you for allowing me to write a few of the things on my heart.

John B. Abela @abelajohnb ·

You have so tremendously blessed me and the CB ministry over the years Kirk. Do not let your heart worry over the future. All of this is in the hands of God for His purpose.

K Reynolds @kreynolds ·

I understand what you mean, Kirk for I have been lamenting about that as well. How I wish I could rush in and... yeah. However, John is right. All of this is in the hands of God for His purpose.

John Knox @watchmanjohn ·

I am standing with you and God, as John has pointed has will take care of our concerns no matter how pressing, crushing or life threatening - remember Gideon!


Sarah Vm @godissogood ·

Prayers and hugs to you three.

I love thinking about the Green Van Adventures but ah! it just breaks my heart to know you've been back in hospital with all this. Maybe one day we will understand WHY all this, but for now of course we don't have God's big picture and ... oh ... I know we can trust Him and that's what matters, but am still really sad for you and Beth and her mother, that you all have to go through so much. Feel the same as you do about not being able to see each other in times like this. It's really frustrating not to be able to just take a bus down the road and see you all but alas, the transatlantic shuttle bus is not planned for today or tomorrow. Humph.

Praying for healing and strength and blessings for you, and asking God to look after you and Beth and her mom and provide for you, as I remember and thank Him for all the things He has ordained to keep you with us this far.

Just ... don't you worry about not being able to do the stuff. I really believe that in a time like this God will show His sovereignty, He will solve these problems according to His perfect will and bring glory to His name. When we can't, He can and I'm so thankful for that.

Yesterday, today, forever, Jesus is the same...

Les Braswell @doneuntotheleast ·


The past 2.5 weeks have been some of the most difficult medically for me in decades. I share in your suffering for the site, others (as can only pray), John, etc. Like you I barely have the ability to get on the site to even read a mail. I too as John said above and trusting God will make a way.

In Christ,,

Do not include honorifics.

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