Sometime in the spring of 1974 I was going through a tough stretch while in the first year of Bible School. I didn't have many friends due to my reserved personality and lack of desire to do all the wild and crazy things everyone else enjoyed. Silly me, I thought the reason I was there was to learn the Bible and develop my relationship with God. Most of the others thought of the experience as a big party.
It was during one of these times that I sunk into a state of personal despair. I vividly remember taking a long walk late one evening crying my eyes out as I tried to understand who I was, why I was there and what I needed to do to fit in . No matter what I tried, I always seemed to be the odd man out.
Feelings of inferiority or superiority are some of the strongest and most difficult feelings to ever get on top of and confront. Once a person gets it in their head that they are either the best or the worst person in the world, there is little that can be done to change their minds.
Since the outgoing person usually believes he is the best person around, they demand to be first in line and be the leader of the group. The introverted person usually believes he is the worst person around and thus shrinks into the shadows hoping to be overlooked and never chosen let alone asked to lead.
As I walked that evening, I mulled over in my mind who I was and why I had chosen to be there. I knew I was there because I wanted to be and because I believed God wanted me there. But, I also knew that I had allowed myself to fall into a state of immature and selfish depression.
A wonderful thing happened that evening as I prayed and pondered about my life. I felt the hand of my Lord upon my heart. I felt His love and encouragement. Just as a person learns to recognize the voice of someone they love, so a person learns to recognize the Lord's hand upon their heart. My Lord comforted me that evening and let me know how important I was to Him. He tenderly reminded me that I was the reason He gave His life on Calvary.
Upon returning to the trailer where we lived, I quietly sat in a corner with a flashlight (since everyone else was asleep) and started writing. The more I wrote, the easier the words came and soon I had written a song that fully expressed the full range of emotion in my heart. Never before and never since have I written a song that was as full of "heart" as that one.
The next day I asked a buddy to read over the song. He was moved to tears. He asked if he could change a few words and put the words to music. I said that was fine. A couple of days later he brought his guitar and played for me the song with the revisions. It was my turn to cry. Here for your spiritual edification is that song, minus the music. I pray it blesses you:
I spent most of my life without a dime to my name
While friends all around me made fortune and fame
I felt my life wasn't worth the pains of my birth
But oh the price He paid for me
When my ships were coming in they went down off the coast
My friends all ran out when I needed them most
I felt my life was nothing till God made it something
And oh the price He paid for me
In my eyes I was nothing to no one
But in His eyes I reigned as a king
Then I found I was worth all the treasures on earth
To God I'm worth everything
Now I'm standing today where all the winners have lost
I'm counting God's blessings, they're counting the cost
I finally won but it cost God His son
Oh the price He paid for me
Now there's a lot to be said and so much to be heard
But what's worth believing if not God and His Word
Your life may be nothing but He'll make it something
But oh price He paid for you
In your eyes you may be nothing to no one
But in His eyes you reign as king
Then you'll find that you're worth all the treasures on earth
To God you're worth everything
Now you're standing today where all the winners have lost
You're counting God's blessings they are counting the cost
You finally won but it cost God His son
Oh the price He paid for you
Now if I had the chords and the timing for that I would be singing that tonight. B2Y, this is beautiful.
Thank you, B2Y. This is something I've been dealing with a lot lately. Moving to a new school and state is hard because I feel uprooted and am surrounded by people that seem so much better than me. I've started being selfish and thinking only of what others think of me. I think that I forgot how much I meant to the only One who really matters: The Lord Most High. Thank you for putting me back on track.
I joined this site tonight because I found your song and you. I heard it sung at the end of a biblical research class that I took in Dallas, TX in 1979. I am sure that you know the class. I heard it again sung by Stevie Kay at a larger gathering a few years later. Your song so touched my heart that in all these years since that night I have never forgotten it. Tonight on my drive home from work I tried to remember the lyrics as I have done throughout the years. I had forgotten some but not many. As I said, I just joined the site and so I hope I am posting this in the correct place and that you will see it. Thank you for your great contribution to so many.