I feel it best to let you know what is up with me. It seems that each day a situation arises where Beth and I find ourselves trying to decide if I need to go to the emergency room or not. Just last evening a new and troublesome problem arose that we had no experience with. Not knowing what to do, Beth called our good friend Kathy in Minnesota who along with her husband Dave prayed for me. Obviously I must have gotten better for I am at home and writing this blog. Thank you Kathy and Dave for your prayers.
At times I feel like I am standing in the middle of a lake on an ice flow that is melting quickly around me. At other times I feel like the ball in an old pinball machine, being bounced hither and thither relentlessly. Most of the time, I just feel sad that I am such a mess physically that I cannot do much of anything I want (and need) to be getting done. Honestly, I spend more time each day taking naps than I do anything else. What a pathetic lifestyle.
I have been prayed for by countless people. I have taken my situation to the Lord countless times. Yet, despite these efforts, I remain trapped in something akin to a very bad version of Bill Murray's movie Groundhog Day . In that movie, his character awoke each day and was forced to relive February 2nd over and over again. I must admit; never did I think I would compare my life to ANY Bill Murray character.
Most of the time I wish I could just check myself into some medical facility and tell them to put me out and fix me . Unfortunately, I am not a computer taken into Best Buy or a vehicle taken into the dealership. I am a human being with multiple doctors who all think they have the answers for what ails me. They prescribe their magic pills and send me on my merry way. Unfortunately, because of the number of doctors involved, I have ended up on nearly 20 prescription drugs each day. There is absolutely no way that many drugs can carry on with each other without a major conflict.
Whether what ails me is caused by drug interactions or some yet to be diagnosed problem, the result is the same; I feel like (I cannot say because this is a Christian site). In my quietest moments with the Lord, I know that my instructions are to wait on Him and endure for just a little while longer. Oh how we hate it when that is the answer from the Lord. We don't want to wait, we want things solved NOW. We don't want to endure, we want results NOW. Yet, there are many times when the Lord's instructions regarding a painful situation are to wait on Him, allow Him time to work things out and not panic, taking matters into our own hands.
These three things are engraved within my heart as I suffer through this time of pain, apprehension and suffering. First and foremost we must WAIT ON THE LORD. How many times is this phrase used in the Old Testament? Time and time again God's people are told to wait on the Lord. Does this mean the Lord is late? No. It means that God does things on His time and not ours. To wait on the Lord is to fully give our lives to God in trust. No matter how long it takes, God will win IN HIS DUE TIME.
We must allow God time to work things out HIS WAY. God cannot push people around just to accommodate you or me. God has to lovingly allow others to choose to do things His way. This many times takes time. Impatience is the curse that is downfall of believers. We want things now and when we cannot get them we throw a tantrum just like a little child. First we must trust God then we must have to patience to allow Him to work things out HIS WAY.
Finally, we must continually guard against becoming upset with how long God's way is taking and take matters into our own hands. The times we get ourselves into trouble the most in this life is when we get impatient with God and decide to do things our way. Oh how this sounds so logical, but in truth it is our very death sentence. Trust me; it is never a good idea to turn your back on God, thinking you have a better way than He does. Trust and patience demand that we swallow our pride and allow God to do things His way no matter how long it takes. Trust and patience demand that we calm the raging sea of fear within our hearts and once again cast our care upon Him for He cares for us.
Trust, patience and endurance are the three things I hang onto at this time in my life. I cannot fix myself and I am not going to run all over the country trying to find someone who can fix me . If I am never fixed in this life, I know that at the moment Christ returns, I will be given a new body that is fashioned like unto Christ's. Within this body will be no more pain, sickness or any negative thing. Upon this promise I will trust and in this hope I rest in Him.