Kirk's Farewell Words

This will be a very difficult thing to write. You see, I found Kirk's "Last Will and Desires" in our Safe Deposit Box.

I am so sorry, My Honey, I am so very very sorry.

I did not do what he wanted. He is not buried where he wanted to be buried. His memorial service was not where he wanted it to be. The person who performed the service was not the one he wanted. The songs played during the memorial service were not the songs he wanted played.

There is one line and one line only that gave me great relief: "I do not wish to be cremated." That is the only thing I got right.

He wanted "When I Survey The Wondrous Cross", "God Leads Us Along/Precious Lord", and "Medley of Favorite Hymns." I didn't get even one of them right. In my defense, I couldn't think and let the pastor choose the hymns. Except that at the last minute I added "Whom Shall I Fear?". But that was for me, not for him. Because that was my theme song, not his.

So I failed utterly in carrying out his wishes.

He wrote what he wanted read during his memorial service. Of course, it was not read. So I will print it here, so that you, his most beloved family, can at least hear his final words.

He began his Last Will and Desires with these words:

"These instructions I leave in the hope and prayer they are never needed. But, if I fail to survive unto the glorious appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, I leave these instructions for those who must deal with my remains."

He then went on to delineate all the instructions that I did not follow.

Then, "... I desire a simple memorial service to be held at a funeral home in {not where it was held}. I desire {a person who was not involved with the service} to arrange such service. My lone desire is that it includes the playing of the following songs from the CD 'The Bill Gaither Trio - Hymn Classics'. "

And then he listed the songs I did not have played.

"I also only desire scripture to be read with no sorrow to be conveyed, but only an uplifting and encouraging tone.

"I desire the following to be read at the service conclusion:"

So, my dear CB family... This was not read at his service, a fact that will haunt me until I see him again. But, you were his closest friends. You were his family. You are really the ones to whom this was written, even though it was written long before he ever met any of you. Long before he ever heard of Christian Blog. These were written in March of 2001.

So, my dear CB family... Kirk's words that he wished to be his final words in this life...

"To those gathered here I leave you with only my regrets that I was unable to give you more of the love of God in my heart. God saved me from certain destruction in 1969 in New Mexico and called me to a life of living and giving His Love.

"Although I failed in many respects to live out my life's calling, I never lived a day without remembering all my God did for my life and how much I wished everyone could know and understand the Love of God.

"I wish I could have lived this life as the man I knew I could be. But, I am thankful for the years God gave me to serve, teach and bless many lives.

"God's ultimate blessing on my life was the gift He gave me of my wife Beth. Without her support, love and constant companionship I would have absolutely perished in 1987. Without patient understanding, tender encouragement and loving support I would never have been allowed to experience in this life the depth of the love I lived for.

"If my Beth is still here at this time, please, my love, know that you made my life worth living and until my last breath I loved you more than life itself.

"I love you all and thank you for remembering me. Go in peace and know that God is Love and that God loves you. Thank you and see you later."

He then wrote: "Please play 'The Love of God' by Dallas Holm". I will try to find that and attach it.

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 Beth M
I have been a member of ChristianBlog.Com for 9 years, 6 months and 7 days.
I have published 39 blogs and 2,225 comments.
K Reynolds (@kreynolds)

Oh Beth, I am crying as I write this. When Kirk wrote that, it was long ago and things change over the years.

The blog you wrote that was read at his memorial service, the memories shared with family and friends, the legacy he has left behind, that is far more important and enduring than the songs that were sung!

Deborah Pinnell (@dpinnell5)

I wrote out my funeral instructions years ago. After the death of my son I threw them out. I realized that the songs should be what comforts those left behind. I would not be there to hear my favorites anyway. I think the best words spoken at his service were the ones that came from your heart. Treasure the gift of his writings and don't be upset that his funeral wasn't as he had planned, he loved you and would never want you to feel bad. So sorry that you are hurting. We hurt with you.

Les Braswell (@doneuntotheleast)

God and you honored Kirk. Both are well pleased with a dear and faithful servant, spouse, daughter, child of the King. As you also continue honoring both the Lord and Kirk now. Thank you showing the wonderful heart inside.

Alison Stewart (@kiwibird)

Dearest Beth, I truly believe you are much too hard on yourself. Much as you desire to be perfect in all your responses (as do we all!) this cannot be. Please, don't focus on the things that didn't happen but on the words that Kirk addressed to you. Namely, "If my Beth is still here at this time, please, my love, know that you made my life worth living and until my last breath I loved you more than life itself." Kirk loved you in your imperfections as well as your great giftings - as God does. I love you. Alison

Deepa N (@deepaanne)

Beth, thank u for sharing it with this family. It is God's love that has enabled you to touch the hearts of so many people. I feel so amazed by the fact that God's love and Kirk's love for you has enabled you to share feelings with this family who is ever there for u and wish you well and praying for u. People are usually happy to share their joy but i am glad to have a family in Christ we share our pains and sorrows.

Sandy Brooks (@poodlelady)

Only tears no words -but thank you so very much for sharing this with all of us.

Evie White (@eviewhite)

I am absolutely certain our brother Kirk understands at least one thing now (if not many, many things) that he may not have seen clearly when he wrote his last farewell: a memorial service is never really for the person who has left us. Oh no, those precious hours were for you Mrs. Beth - and all the many others who feel the loss of Kirk's absence. (I considered driving up there for the service, but didn't want to intrude.) You can be absolutely certain he is not upset with you - or disappointed, or any of the other negative things you might imagine. He loves you more than life itself, remember? YOU are much more important than whatever song we might listen to for a moment. Besides, the music Brother Kirk is enjoying at this very moment is infinitely better than anything the Gaither Trio ever sang. (I have it on good authority, Angels are amazing singers :) I've probably overstepped my bounds incredibly with this long "comment", but I hope I've made you smile. He is happy you know. And whole. And you are going to make it. All the things Kirk used to take care of for you have been officially handed off to Jesus. You are in good hands. With love, Evie