My dearest Love,
48 hours ago this minute, the phone rang. Never ever ever in my wildest dreams would I ever believe that I would never see you again.
28 years ago today, I became whole, when I became your wife.
I can't believe you are gone. I don't know how to go on without you. I just can't.
You were not my better half. You were my whole self. You were my rudder, my steering mechanism. You are my backbone and every other bone in my body
You are my Man of God.
You taught me, you guided me, you took care of me.
I was spoiled. Friends at work used to kiddingly tell me that I was spoiled. They were right. And I admitted that freely. You made life easy for me. I am high maintenance; and you were my maintainer. You spoiled me like no husband I have ever heard of. Not the way most people would think a husband would spoil a wife ~ with gifts bought with money. No, you spoiled me by doing everything for me. Everything.
Oh, my Honey. How am I supposed to go on without you?
At least 100 times in the last 48 hours, I have thought, "Oh, I'll have to ask Kirk."
I know we will spend all of Eternity together with our Lord Jesus Christ. I know that. But right now, that doesn't really help. We were supposed to go there together. We weren't supposed to do this living thing alone.
Some people tell me that God took you. I am sorry, but I do not believe that and I know you do not either. God is not the author of death. God is the author of Life. The devil is the father of death. Our enemy the devil's mission is to steal, kill, and destroy. The enemy took you away from me. God would never do that. I do not worship a God who kills His people. I do not know why God allowed you to be taken from me. But I absolutely believe that is what happened. He allowed it; He did not do it. The last enemy that will be destroyed is death. Death is the enemy.
Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints. That word means costly, like a precious gem. Costly, costly in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints. You can't teach His Word, or spread His love when you are not on earth.
I do not want to go on without you. I don't know how I will. I don't know how I can. I can't do this on my own. Oh, my Honey, oh my Honey. How can I go on? I said good bye to your empty shell. Now I am living in an empty shell.
I asked my friend Diane who had been widowed many years ago, how she survived. She said, "I tried to make him proud of me." Well, my love, I think that is about the only way I can look at this. I will try to make you proud of me.
When saying good bye to someone, we would not say good bye, we would say, "I'll see you later ~ here, there, or in the air." I cannot believe I will never see you again Here. I want to be There with you. But unless the Lord comes back today (please please please please please please)... I must wait to see you again.
Oh my Love. Thank you for making me the most blest wife on earth. Thank you for loving me as the Bible directs, that a husband should love his wife as Christ loved the Church. You exemplified that and perfected it. I was so unworthy. I don't know why you loved me so much.
A co-worker asked me, after she had gotten engaged, how you know you have the right one. I said, "Do you think you are the luckiest person in the world to have Benjamin?" She said yes. I said, "Does Benjamin think he is the luckiest person in the world to have you?" She said, "He says he does." I said "Never lose that feeling."
We never lost that. I always thought I was the luckiest person in the world to have you and you thought you were the luckiest person in the world to have me.
You were wrong. And I was right.
Thank you, my Love, for the joy and privilege of having been your wife.
Thank you, Father, for allowing me the joy and privilege of having Kirk for almost 28 years.
Happy Anniversary, My Love. Sleep peacefully. I will see you again.
And I'll try to make you proud.