Sleep Peacefully, My Love

My dearest Love,

48 hours ago this minute, the phone rang. Never ever ever in my wildest dreams would I ever believe that I would never see you again.

28 years ago today, I became whole, when I became your wife.

I can't believe you are gone. I don't know how to go on without you. I just can't.

You were not my better half. You were my whole self. You were my rudder, my steering mechanism. You are my backbone and every other bone in my body

You are my Man of God.

You taught me, you guided me, you took care of me.

I was spoiled. Friends at work used to kiddingly tell me that I was spoiled. They were right. And I admitted that freely. You made life easy for me. I am high maintenance; and you were my maintainer. You spoiled me like no husband I have ever heard of. Not the way most people would think a husband would spoil a wife ~ with gifts bought with money. No, you spoiled me by doing everything for me. Everything.

Oh, my Honey. How am I supposed to go on without you?

At least 100 times in the last 48 hours, I have thought, "Oh, I'll have to ask Kirk."

I know we will spend all of Eternity together with our Lord Jesus Christ. I know that. But right now, that doesn't really help. We were supposed to go there together. We weren't supposed to do this living thing alone.

Some people tell me that God took you. I am sorry, but I do not believe that and I know you do not either. God is not the author of death. God is the author of Life. The devil is the father of death. Our enemy the devil's mission is to steal, kill, and destroy. The enemy took you away from me. God would never do that. I do not worship a God who kills His people. I do not know why God allowed you to be taken from me. But I absolutely believe that is what happened. He allowed it; He did not do it. The last enemy that will be destroyed is death. Death is the enemy.

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints. That word means costly, like a precious gem. Costly, costly in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints. You can't teach His Word, or spread His love when you are not on earth.

I do not want to go on without you. I don't know how I will. I don't know how I can. I can't do this on my own. Oh, my Honey, oh my Honey. How can I go on? I said good bye to your empty shell. Now I am living in an empty shell.

I asked my friend Diane who had been widowed many years ago, how she survived. She said, "I tried to make him proud of me." Well, my love, I think that is about the only way I can look at this. I will try to make you proud of me.

When saying good bye to someone, we would not say good bye, we would say, "I'll see you later ~ here, there, or in the air." I cannot believe I will never see you again Here. I want to be There with you. But unless the Lord comes back today (please please please please please please)... I must wait to see you again.

Oh my Love. Thank you for making me the most blest wife on earth. Thank you for loving me as the Bible directs, that a husband should love his wife as Christ loved the Church. You exemplified that and perfected it. I was so unworthy. I don't know why you loved me so much.

A co-worker asked me, after she had gotten engaged, how you know you have the right one. I said, "Do you think you are the luckiest person in the world to have Benjamin?" She said yes. I said, "Does Benjamin think he is the luckiest person in the world to have you?" She said, "He says he does." I said "Never lose that feeling."

We never lost that. I always thought I was the luckiest person in the world to have you and you thought you were the luckiest person in the world to have me.

You were wrong. And I was right.

Thank you, my Love, for the joy and privilege of having been your wife.

Thank you, Father, for allowing me the joy and privilege of having Kirk for almost 28 years.

Happy Anniversary, My Love. Sleep peacefully. I will see you again.

And I'll try to make you proud.

 Beth
  I have been a member of ChristianBlog.Com for 8 years, 9 months and 11 days.

  I have published 35 blogs and 2,131 comments.

 I currently live in: United States.
Billy Beard

I was very sad to hear of your loss Blest. No words can suffice. Kirk came to visit me at a critical point of my life. I will always cherish that memory. He was a pillar here at CB. He will not be forgotten.

God bless and comfort you in the days ahead. Your friend. Billy.

joyce+

It seems much longer than 48 hours to be honest. My mum buried dad the day before their 19th wedding anniversary. This is hard, so hard for you. They say that if wishes were horses beggars would ride, but I still wish I could be there with you.

O joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
and feel the promise is not vain
that morn shall tearless be.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

Deborah Pinnell+

Prayers are being lifted for you. You will get through this and it is so painful and so hard but you are never going through it alone. God is with you to sustain you and to heal you. My son passed on the 24th of May two years ago. I never thought I could keep going but here I am. Lean on Jeuss be keep your faith. We as your friends will continue to pray for you. So sorry friend.

Deborah Pinnell+

Prayers are being lifted for you. You will get through this and it is so painful and so hard but you are never going through it alone. God is with you to sustain you and to heal you. My son passed on the 24th of May two years ago. I never thought I could keep going but here I am. Lean on Jesus and keep your faith. We as your friends will continue to pray for you. So sorry friend.

John Knox+

This blog is one of the rarest blogs I have read WOW! Amen as my eyes full with tears and I bow my head before the King.

wmj

Barbra Lambert

My dear, sweet friend, How my heart aches for you! I wish I could be with you at this moment and hold you tightly and comfort you, but because that is not possible at this time, I hope that you will accept my embrace from the distance. I weep with you. You are a privileged lady to have such a wonderful husband in Kirk, and he - privileged as well to have a wonderful wife in you.
God is with you, loves you, and will remain faithful to you... especially on this very special day that you became "one" in the Lord.

I love you

:heart:

-enje

K Reynolds+

I am weeping as I read this and I am looking at a picture of you and Kirk as well as the card it came with, right before we came to see the two of you for the very first time in August 2009. Oh my dear, dear friend, words cannot express what I am feeling right now! I was up around midnight and I knew that today is your anniversary and I have been praying for you.

He was proud of you, Beth. He IS proud of you! The love, joy and pride he had for you came through in the words he wrote about you. It came through in his voice when he spoke about you and most of all, you could see it in his eyes, even if you weren't in the room at the moment.

The two of you together... oh I am so blessed that I got to see the two of you together, not once but numerous times. I am so blessed to have sat at your table so many times as you, Kirk, my husband and I would laugh long into the night.

You are right, God does not "take" people. Death is because we live in a sinful, broken world and there is nothing noble or beautiful about it and we should not attempt to glorify it! What is beautiful is that many years ago, Kirk stepped from Death into LIFE and therefore goodbye is not forever.

Rest well, Brother-Friend and I will see you in the morning! The CB community you loved so well will do their best to help take care of your beloved "Blest".

Les B+

There are no words and any which could be said are above. Your lives exemplified how a marriage in Christ is to be wondrous. For both the world and church need to see. My heart and tears are shed for you as I ask the Lord to hold you tightly in peace and comfort walking though each day.

You are in prayer and wish there was more I could do in person. Father may Beth sense your very presence and beat of your heart. In Jesus name. Amen.

alight+

Beth, as I read your blog... no your heart, I am reminded of four years ago when I was writing my heart. Girl, I understand. I encourage you to write more. As many others here I cry with you. So many would like to be there in person to give you support but can't. Our spirit is with you... every moment all day long, all night long. But more importantly Jesus is with you. He promises that He will never, never leave you. You can find some comfort in this. Does time heal? I don't know yet. It's only been four years for me. Jesus does heal. Trusting in Him does makes a difference.

Although I know you wrote this with tears streaming down your face I smile just a little (with tears streaming down my face) because you have known love, true love. So many in this world never do. We are the lucky ones.

I know you. You are stronger than you think, just humble like Kirk. I look forward to reading more in the coming days about your thoughts, your heart and how Jesus has been there every step of the way.

Four years ago I would look up at the stars and realize that K, Bethy, Mum, B2Y, Beth, Poo, Kbird and all the many others were many miles away but still we were looking at the same sky, they were as close as clicking on the CB icon and they were faithfully carrying and praying. If only Bethy and I could sing a song for you... in our hearts we are doing just that.

Love you girl!

alight

alight+

Dang, I love you girls!

I have never known such compassion! Beth, we are with you girl! Dang, I wish I could be there. O, how I wish I could be there! Jesus is with you! Take comfort my friend!

alight

Chukwuma Anyadike

My condolences. You had what many will never have or have never had including myself with Kirk. May God guide you through this tough time.

Barb+

Beth my tears,heart, and prayers go out to and for you along with many others. You are truly blessed to have known such love. The depth of that love must make the loss feel equal to or even greater in magnitude. The same God who collects our tears in a bottle will one day wipe away every tear. Great is His tenderness and compassion for our plight. May He comfort you as no one else can and send His angels to watch over you as you press through this most difficult time.

Beth+

My sister read this at his memorial service yesterday.

He will be buried tomorrow morning at 10:00 am Central time.

Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, and support. They mean more than I can say.

Sandy Brooks

You are so blessed to have had such a love. My heart breaks for you but I know one day you will be with him again.

Love You Bunches

pooh

Sarah VM+

No words, just tears. I'm heartbroken for you.
Kirk, you have gone so far to be with our Abba but you're still so close to our hearts.
Lots of love Beth,
Sarah

Veronica Philips

Beth, my heart is broken for you. I am so sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Chekeira Key

You are in my prayers! I am extremely sorry for your loss.. You've leaned on him for 28years and now it's time to lean on the Lord.. Time does not heal the wound, only God can do that.. LEAN.. God will make you whole again