The Widow M at Christmas

My dear fellow CBers. I love you dearly. And some of you have been truly wonderful. Some of you are clueless, but that is not your fault. I was most definitely clueless before joining the ranks of the Widowed.

My faith will get me through. HA! All of you (my old self included) somehow think that being a Christian shields you from the pain of losing the Love of Your Life. It does not. Being a believer does not magically heal you and transport you to a land of No Pain.

I have had major major life altering surgery. Someone carved out my heart, my joy, my reason for living, and my hope for any future in this life. I am left with a shell of a body that has nothing to hold it together.

If you were to look up " people say to widows" on YouTube, you'd get so many videos you wouldn't believe it. But the number ONE response that we put into the 'garbage' category is "He/She is in a better place." That does NOT HELP. I know you think it does. It may help OLD widows, but young widows, those under say 85, want to punch you when you say this. But we just nod and smile and put you on our mental ignore list.

Why am I writing this now? At the "happiest" time of the year? Well, because you are supposed to be Christians. Christians are supposed to help people. I am hoping that this blog will help at least one person, one widow out there who is alone this Christmas. You know him. You know her. I am hoping you will reach out to him or her and invite them over for Christmas, for Christmas Eve, for a cup of coffee.

I am not writing any Christmas cards. I cannot bear the thought of signing my name alone.

I am not putting up any Christmas decorations. They are all packed away where Kirk left them. The first Saturday after my birthday, every year, when I came home from work, the entire house would be decorated. I cannot bear to even open the closet that houses all those decorations.

Trust me, this is one of the worst times of the year for the newly widowed. Perhaps The worst.

I am begging you, please: God has someone on your heart. He may be in your church congregation. He or she may be in your neighborhood. She may be your waitress. She is always smiling when she is out in public. He has gotten over this grieving thing. You know her. You know him. And you think she is fine. You think he is better. You are wrong. Oh, you dear dear DGI's (Don't Get It's). Of course we put on a mask in public. You don't see us in our homes, in our cars, in the rest room at work, sobbing, yelling, keening, whimpering, and begging the Lord to take away the pain, to answer the questions.

For those of you who are brave enough, I am including a link to a number of Christmas songs, altered by wids. If you are brave enough, you might get a chuckle. Or at least a glimpse into Our World. We have not lost our sense of humor; although it may have become a shade darker. So, only if you dare...

... OK< had to take out the link because someone posted another song with a uh, really bad word. So, if you want to see the initial songs, which are good and not bad, if you know what I mean, you'll have to send me a message, and I'll tell you where to find them!

We wids understand each other. We know the indescribable pain. We can't wait for the holiday season to be over. It is something we are dreading with a passion.

God's Word tells us to be all things to all men. Step out of the clouds and bless a widow/widower this Christmastime. And please, no platitudes. Just your presence.

Marsha Tyler Ronquist @kraftykatz ·

After my brothers sudden death in a car accident in 1972 at the age of 25, we had some 'words of comfort' from well meaning people. Being told that 'the good die young' was not at all comforting. Being told that if he just had not gone on that fishing trip was not comforting. Sometimes there are no words. Just a hug says so much more. There is no icon for me to send you a hug but know that I do. &#240;Ÿ &#240;Ÿ&#188;

Dwight Alight Davis @justalight ·

Merry Christmas my dear friend. I'm suppose to say that at this time of year. I think Christmas will always be the hardest time of the year. It's been 4 years, 10 weeks, 3 days, 6 hours and 8 minutes for me. Maybe time has healed a little but very little. Part of my heart is gone. I'm not the same person any more but I will live on.

I will always love Jesus for what He has done for me. I owe Him my life. Tears may flow this Christmas but with them will be songs of praise to the One who saved my soul.

I send you a hug, a Merry Christmas and maybe a Happier New Year!



K Reynolds @kreynolds ·

I found myself staring at that picture you included in your blog...remembering. I'm not sure if that was from last Christmas or if that was taken in 2014 when Dave and I spent Christmas with you and Kirk. Though it is different, in 2014 Dave and I arrived at your house with broken hearts. Our son's marriage had just been blown apart and I never dreamed how horrible it was to watch that happen to your child. We had already previously planned to go to your house a few months earlier and our son actually told us we needed to go so we did.

The love you and Kirk had for us, was like a gentle, healing balm. Yes, the wound was still there and it hurt so much. You couldn't "fix" it but you could love us and that is exactly what you did.

It is customary for my husband and I to try to have people sit at our table who are lonely. In fact, there have been total strangers who have appeared on my doorstep my son or another guest invited them. There is always room for one more at the table and that's the way it should be. Thank you for this reminder, Beth.

John B. Abela @abelajohnb ·

Never been married, probably never will be, so I try to stay out of the conversations involving relationships (or lack thereof) but I did want to jump in and say that despite all the things from over the course of the year, at least try to take a moment from your christmas work day to sit down on a break and have some hot cocoa with double extra whip cream!

Tina Edwin @tinaesanil ·

I am not putting up any Christmas decorations. They are all packed away where Kirk left them. The first Saturday after my birthday, every year, when I came home from work, the entire house would be decorated. I cannot bear to even open the closet that houses all those decorations.

No words....

Missing dear brother.kirk....

Les Braswell @doneuntotheleast ·

Beth, Thinking and praying for you today and even now. I do hope you had some good coffee and mat His peace, love and hugs be with you. Sending the same and like Tina ... remember and miss Kirk. In Christ, Les

Billy Beard @billyb ·

I hope the season was at least bearable. As I've aged the season has lost a lot of the charm it did when I was younger. Unlike Kirk, I never had a love like he was blessed with. Tell you something else that has a pain nobody knows unless they've been there, having someone that you love tell you that they want out, and end what you had put years into. That special place in your heart dies, and is never healed. Though life does go on. And they are still alive.

Showing empathy and concern for someone's life should never be taken lightly though yes it's hard knowing they don't know our particular feelings because they have not been in those same circumstances. Life places all of us in situations and circumstances that are hard. Love and concern for each other should be appreciated always.

God be with you blest. Still in my heart and my prayers. billy.