Almost 5 years after my divorce, I am thinking of getting married and start a new family. The thought that comes first when I think of marriage is not to get into the similar situation as my previous marriage. I came out of a difficult marriage in which I had no possibility of any negotiations with my partner. It was sometimes very hard for me to reach on an alignment with the other person even on simple things like going out together to meet a friend, or spending time together, or doing something which I like to do or doing something alone. There was conflict, struggle, discouragement, anguish, pain, tears almost everyday.
Being young and immature, the biggest misunderstanding I had was to assume his control as care. I let the other person dominate or be superior and instruct me what to do, thinking that it was the part of husband's responsibility. Later when I was trying to think and act and put forth my ideas, the rod or the stick of control started hurting me. I started realizing pain of loosing my freedom and independence. I broke myself from those chains of control and walked away into the loneliness and wilderness.
By His Grace He took my hurt soul into His arms, so leaving behind my chains and carrying all my cross, slowly He taught me to grow in Him, by the faith in His love on the cross.
Now again when choosing my life partner, I pray for the wisdom from our Lord to enable me and my partner not to put ourselves in the same position again. We clearly understand the responsibilities of a husband and wife and align ourselves to the will of God in performing those activities. I keep reading online to understand how to have a good relationship, what is the difference between love and like, what is the difference between love and attraction. So many things people have tried to put together on what worked for them and what failed. What they think is right and keeps people happy in their relationship.
It is such a blessing for me to be able to get support from the prayer group in my church to help us and support us in the Prayers for the marriage and having a home. Having a believing partner makes a lot of difference in trust and the goodness of the Lord that we carry in each other everyday. It is our Lord who took to the cross to tell us that He cares for us and proved to be not cotrolling by giving us have the free will to choose Him.
It is always interesting to see how time changes things for our lives. From our perceptions, ideals, beliefs, and past events. Good and bad.