Initially when I started the Journey of faith, I used to feel that I might be thinking wrong or selfish, my intent may not be right, I need to keep away from being happy, I don't deserve the happiness, I need to have control, I have to be very disciplined else I will be weak. I used to have a feeling of insecurity that God might not like me if I don't do it right. Holy Spirit will be there with me only when I am Holy. I need to make myself Holy.
I love reading bible, visualizing what is given in the Bible, discussing about my understanding with others, Praying, Worshiping. But still personally I used have the feeling that I need to be better.
But slowly, when I continued working on being a better person. I learnt these things:
First, I learnt to speak in tongues. It really helped me to break something that was hidden or locked outside. The first time I gave up control. It was like bringing out the person inside to outside. All the frustrations, pains and agonies were coming out. Slowly things started to calm down.
Acts 2:14 Then Peter stood up with the Eleven, raised his voice and addressed the crowd: Fellow Jews and all of you who live in Jerusalem, let me explain this to you; listen carefully to what I say.
Second, was to believe that God is fighting for me. The fight is not mine. He has overcome the world. He will not let me down.
John 16:33 I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.
Third, believe that it is not my Will, but it is God's Will that is being done in my life. Though it seems to be the most best and joyful for me, it is still not my Will, it is His will.
Hebrews 10:36 You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.
Finally, I learnt to face the world as a new self, "Justified by Faith". The old self, keeps reminding me of my past, but slowly start living the redemption and the rebirth. This new being is to proclaim the love of Christ. To live the Life which Christ has given me. The self which is truly loved, protected, guided and made Holy by His very presence. The purpose of this self is to proclaim the Gospel.
Colossians 3:10 and have put on a new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its creator.
In reality, each of these steps took me a long to learn and live through it.