Leading a soulful life in christ

Mark 12:30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.

If this were an easy thing to do for everyone on this earth, it would have not been the greastest commandment. It is so difficult because He calls us to love with our soul, something which most of us don't have a clue of what it is. We know our strength, our mind, our heart, but the soul is not something that we can easily describe. Sometimes I wonder, even though everyone goes through hardships, pain and sorrow in their lives, why would not everyone understand or recognize their soul, the inner being. It is hard for me to comment on the behalf of someone who does not understand their soul, because I am not that way.

When I first came into Christ, I came with deep sins, pains and regrets deep inside me with a crying soul. That is where my first love for Christ came in deep from my soul. When I used to sing the worship songs, every word used to penetrate my soul and I used to see the Lord with my inner eyes (my soul). I used to love Him so much, I had none other than the words that could really help me feel better. The most best words I could remember are "Even in the death's darkest valley, I fear no evil". That's where my soul was, so I know my soul was thirsting for Him and I needed Him and His love so badly. I love Him with all my soul and even now He knows that I love Him the most. (Like How Peter said, Lord you know that I love you.) My soul calls Him for my rescue.

Mark 12:31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.

For me the first commandment was far more easier than the second, because my soul was in pain but my heart was still hard and my mind was unsound. After all the pains and betrayals I faced in my life, I could not trust anyone. To confess, when I first came into Christ, I failed miserably in this. May 5th is a reminder every year for me on how miserably I failed. It is hard to write, what happens when my soul calls for help to the person who is right in front of me and I don't know how to be humble.

It was the same time when my first love for God started. Being in the pains and sufferings and in my fear, I accidentally looked into someone's eyes in that fellowship and it happened so that my inner being got linked to that person's inner being. As days passed by I started realizing something was not correct, I decided I will just leave from that place. Because that relationship in the soul was hurting me. The only verse I knew at that time was "Lord is my Shephard I shall not be in want". I used to literally fight my own soul using this verse. I left the place and the person. But after few months I just asked God one question "Why did that person turly love me?", then God showed me that on His birthday on May 5th He prayed, and I happened to be the first person to wish him on his birthday, which became a sign for him. I was so shattered, because I realized what happened, the link in the soul, somehow it became a mess, something which I cannot handle. And I broke that link in the soul. Like anybody else, who broke my trust in my life in the past. It did hurt me for years. But anyways, that person got married to somebody else I know and he moved on.

Now coming back to my story of how am I going to hold on to my love for my neighbor, which I was struggling with. Miraculously God restored my humble heart, when I broke my foot. For the first time after so may years I really knew that my soul, my heart, my mind and my self were looking at the person whoever was helping me, be it my doctor, be it my therapist, be it my trainer, be it someone who cares for me, my heart became humble too. It was a true soulful love with humble heart that got restored in me. My soul needs the other person's help as much as I need my help. It is not the love of want but the breaking of the hardened heart, which makes me a self sufficient person.

Many years back, I read the book on Mother Teresa, and they described her love as a soulful love for others, when she is with you, she is totally with you, not thinking about anything. Today, I really understand how it feels to be in her shoes, as someone who loves with the soul and a humble heart. Her situation and her commitment to really serve thousdands of people, made her a soulful person, whose heart looks up to the other person in humbleness. Having a humble heart in front of other person, is the way to communicate a soulful love to the neighbor, which is not easy, for someone who stands in pride and ego.

I just pray that I learn to hold on to my humble heart and never to let God harden it.

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 Deepa N (@deepaanne)
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