Looking back at my family back in India, and my life in the past. My childhood had been a good with respect to having a good home and good education, but for that most men and women did not have any control over their anger and frustration. My mom used to literally stop us from doing anything that will provoke the anger of my dad. In my home being canned from my mistakes was very common, also when my dad gets angry on my mom or anyone in the family, he uses words which literally shatters people's minds, resulting in family in tears and shoutings.
Even when I grew up, I grew up being a person who gets angry very fast, and will shout at people when I get angry. When I became a teenager it kind of became my charecter. But there was lots of justifications behind why this anger is okay, like people do mistakes, they are selfish, they are unrighteous and many other reasons. Everyone in the family thinks the same way and they have their own judgements and reason to get angry, so as a result family looks like a den of beasts filled with anger and hatred, trying to tear each other apart.
But later when I tried hard to get control over my anger. It is like having a beast at home, which was trained to hurt others, now trying to stop in from hurting others, so obviously it will hurt me. Trying to stop and supress my anger, had its own implcations of changing me to be introvert person, unable to express my feelings.
But then miraculously Jesus Christ come into my life, I was really seeing a new image, someone who did not get angry or hate the world, but instead looks for the people to repent and come back into His love. I really validated for all possible reasons why He would hate me and not let me enter the Heaven in the last days, but I fould that He does not want to hate me, He says believe in me and you are fine, no matter what sins you comitted. He forgave all my sins which I comitted out of my anger. But ofcourse I will never want to return back to the den of beasts, I will want to stay calm and peaceful in His grace.
I can really relate to this Deepa - thanks for sharing these words on anger.