From Anhedonia to My Adoni

Eph. 2:10 - For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (NIV)

The last two visits to my new doctor have been quite enlightening. Mostly from me asking very pointed questions. He does not sugar coat answers using rosy rhetoric. All while maintaining an air of possibility.

During an October visit, I queried point blank. Why are there no medications being developed specifically to treat OCD? He truthfully stated big Pharma does not ever see recovering the hundreds of millions of dollars for R&D to bring a medication to market. The customer base is too small. In particular, the small fraction of a percent in the world whose condition is acute as yours. It all came down to dollars and cents.

This week we spoke of the serve anhedonia lived with having refractory major depression. Anhedonia is: The loss of the capacity to experience pleasure or gain pleasure from normally pleasant experiences or activities. Anhedonia is a core clinical feature of depression, schizophrenia, and other mental illnesses.I have not sensed pleasure in anything for over two years. Yet, God remains there and faithful.

While talking I expressed my great frustration the inability and powerlessness to help or change my life or help people around me suffering significant emotional distress. I have executed power of attorney for all areas including medical. But, the individuals with the authority just want to talk! No one will do something and disintegration continues.

After finishing, I drove away and pondered before the Lord. Then I remembered the verse above. I was like, 'Yes Lord, why aren't people helping and doing good works in Christ Jesus? I need this help to make it through. Where are they and why won't they!'

It turns out the verse was not concerning other people but me. Regardless of my circumstance or decades of battle; God created me to do good works in Christ Jesus. Ordained and provision given before creation.

The focus was not on others doing good works in Christ. Rather, am I looking to Him as my Adoni and Messiah?  Empowering and making able to carry the life, death, and resurrection of Christ for others around me? No guarantee anything dramatically changes or improves for me. Only, Christ is always with me as Messiah and strength.

What do I have to offer as God as a sacrifice? Not a thing more than the vessel I inhabit. It must be wholly yielded and available to His purpose.

Psalm 100:1 - The LORD says to my lord: "Sit at my right hand until I make your enemies a footstool for your feet."(NIV)


If You Love The Lord - Keith Green

Attributions: New International Version®, NIV® Copyright Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.