Isa. 41:13 For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. (NIV)
Thoughts turn to the irony writing over a week ago, Psalm 31 You Are My Hiding Place Safe In Your Embrace. God used occurrences of the past week driving home this truth. During a doctor's visit last Wednesday, it was decided to decrease medication in treatment of bio-chemical anxiety and depressive disorders. Heavy sedation proved the impetus, lasting hours after rising.
Beginning the second night after the decrease, sleep at the greatest was four hours. Then waking to drop our son at school and in to the family business for one of the year's busiest weeks (Easter). Lacking sleep and physical exhaustion after closing on Saturday left me completely spent.
Staring at the ceiling till 3 or 4 in the morning with mind racing a million miles per hour bore great wear. My ability limited to some memory verses and repeating two songs listened too countless times over the week. There Is Power in The Blood (Public Domain prompted by a wmjJohn Knox ( @watchmanJohn ) blog) and another. Descending further into depression with anxiety attacks, repeating the main lyric of the other song required all available strength.
He is, He was, He always will be, even when it feels like there is no one is holding me, be still my soul, He Is. He lives, He loves, He's always with me, be still my soul, be still and know, He Is. repeat a 1000x (© Mark Schultz)
So worn unable to attend an Easter service, Prayed with tears, 'Lord to take me home' though the thought of missing family is excruciating. The four decade battle brought recollection of a grandfather and uncle suffering major bi-polar disorders. Two cousins attempting suicide and one successful; it seemed too much yet God provides a way of escape. (I Cor. 10:13) The Holy Spirit reminded no matter the furious battle, Jesus Christ is victorious from Calvary to risen Lord.
I Cor. 15:57 But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. (NIV)
Realizing the decrease proved too substantial, a return to the original dose brought the past two nights needed sleep for physical and emotional stability. Addressing a less drastic decrease with the doctor is underway. The lessons learned in greater profundity?
- Even in the howling storms, the Holy Spirit continues to speak in the most difficult hour.
- The Father in His righteous right hand (strength) always holds quietly to hear His heart.
- The Lord's faithfulness to His Name is forever.
- Christ Jesus work from suffering, Calvary, and separation from The Father as sin for the one time in all eternity ... mankind will never comprehend.
- Jesus Christ has won, Now sitting at the right hand of The Father, ever interceding as High Priest on our behalf to God.
- Regardless the depth of our pit and ability to 'hear,' Christ Jesus the Lord's blood and Spirit always, always, always holds and speaks; not allowing the load too become unbearable.
Praise, glory, and honor unto the Almighty and Holy God of all things! In Jesus Christ our Lord's Name, amen.
There is no pit so deep, that God's love is not deeper still. Corrie ten Boom
Psa. 37:24 though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand. (NIV)
Attributions: New International Version (NIV) Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
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