Psa. 142:4 - Look and see, there is no one at my right hand; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge; no one cares for my life. (NIV)
The heartbreaking words of this title were said to me a couple of weeks ago. As a matter of fact, I realized no one has said to me they love me in I not sure how long. So is the life of those with chronic disorders.
My doctor about a month and a half ago, acknowledged as people move from the "mainstream of life" into battling and becoming disabled with chronic health issues … people disappear. Does not matter if they are people of faith or not; each moves on with life.
Matt. 25:36 - I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. (NIV)
Reading K's blogs on crying out and evil and good, I have quit crying out to anyone around me. Only the Lord now hears the cries. There are only two people left who call during a week just to ask how I am and talk. Two or three others call but always wanting something from me.
Considering this before the Lord a stark realization occurred. For those trapped in chronic debilitating conditions, it truly takes someone genuinely filled with the Holy Spirit desiring to come and minister to other Christians who have absolutely nothing to offer in return.
Calling a person who leads a group I attended twice a week for a year at a local church. They are aware of my health issues and limitations. Speaking for a few moments they were the ones who spoke those words. They said they would call to have lunch but I have heard nothing. Guess they meant it when saying they did not want to disturb.
I did not ask to be "fixed" and yes, being around someone suffering from refractory (treatment resistant) depression is no fun at all. All I longed for was a kind voice and a willingness to simply talk. I am seeing in life this is simply too much to expect.
It really does take a special saint of the cross to minister in nursing homes, half-way houses, and shut- in's who spend days wasting away. They suffer from physical, mental, or neurological disorders beyond human touch. Their only hope is God and life everlasting in Christ. I find it very interesting Jesus said:
"I was sick and you looked after me." Not, I was sick and you healed me."
I pray not to become jaded as I am to the point of giving up on people … really other Christians. I do not neatly fit into their definitions of "victorious, overcoming, or abundant joyous living." However this is defined by them when it is rightly God's definition. True?
The acute agoraphobia and major OCD's severity is untreatable and precipitates further withdrawal. I do give thanks for those who have shown love, kindness, grace, and compassion over the years. Merely touching my life with tender words and loving hearts.
One certainly can argue I lack faith for healing, sin exists, or the curse of the generations passed from generation to generation. Genuinely a pedantic discussion and useless exercise for a person ready for this excruciating daily existence to end. Instead, ready to behold Eternal Bliss in Christ's righteousness.
Why does God allow me to move through another day? I do not know. If my life is to shine the glory of Christ … I do not see it. If thinking of someone who can no longer function well or in society at all for whatever reason. Please say a prayer for them.
Better yet, if pure in heart you can write or call to say you are thinking of and love and care them … do it. They probably are not only "touch starved" but also not heard "I love you or just wanted you to know I was thinking of you" in a long, long time. Let them know if able, they really mean something to you.
Be the Good Samaritan who touches the life of someone unable to help themselves. Other Pastors and Christians are busily rushing by to get to their ministries.
I John 3:18 - Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. (NIV)
Bruce Carroll - Who Will Be Jesus
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