Mighty be My last Blog on CB God's Call Through You

I'm going out on a limb being new and not having “earned the right to be heard.” Think K. was referring to me about leaving as I told her a week or so ago I was seriously considering leaving (my medication balance was a factor). Apart from that, in the first month, it was evident there's a strong desire to be 'heard, seen and viewed as wise, a teacher or of great knowledge.' In my heart, I too desire this.

Deep in my heart, there's no desire to offend any. I'm really at the 'last stop' with nothing to offer other than a broken person, with Jesus restoring each day bit by bit. Dorothy stated clearly Christ's intent from Eph. 4. Unity, love and honor to one another while proclaiming Jesus to a dying world separated from God.

Our warnings are in Titus 3:1 – 2

“Remind your people to submit to the government and its officers. They should be obedient, always ready to do what is good. They must not speak evil of anyone, and they must avoid quarreling. Instead, they should be gentle and show true humility to everyone. (NLT)

2 Tim. 2:23 – 25

“Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth.” (NIV)

I traded hard line Calvinistic Dispensationial views for Armenian Pentecostal ones; promised healing! I'd pursued every avenue for decades to be healed.

Only through God's amazing loving and pursuit of me, He revealed what I truly wanted, healing over Him. Additionally, unforgiveness back to childhood needed to be addressed for me to go further in relationship with Him.

Each of you has been a great source of love, encouragement, and wisdom! I long to continue learning, watching, and observing your lives of love and resurrected power in Christ. Then live and proclaim nothing more than Jesus and Him crucified (I Cor. 2:1 - 5).

I experienced hurt and rejection from both sides of the theological spectrum. Ones telling me God holds the heart of Pharaoh in His hand and if I truly come to Christ, by His Spirit he will restore my mind to what's right ('normal' in their sight). On the other hand, if I have enough faith, get rid of willful disobedience, have deliverance prayers, fast for demon oppression, etc... I'll be healed.

Did it, tried it and didn't happen. Obviously, something wrong with me! Finally, my brother-in-law told me I needed to be prayed for deliverance from prescription drug addiction (pharmakia in Greek). Yes, witchcraft and idolatry. Needless to say, the love of Jesus wasn't visible and I surmised over years neither side:

1.) Had true understanding.

2.) Viewed anyone who tried to be a disciple of Christ suffering mental disorders, as needing to 'let Jesus get them together, Christian's don't experience mental illness.'

3.) Both had what I dumbed 'exception doctirne' (congenital birth defects, head trauma or if late 60's, early 70's; Dementia, Alzheimer's, etc... was OK because you were near the end of your life).

4.) Most importantly, I embarrassed the Kingdom and was inconvenient to their theology, yet alone to love.

All this to say ... I DON'T need theology (study of God)! I need a loving God and Savior in Jesus, lived through and in front me. I respond to His over whelming love and do the same. I'm grateful Christ has put a few people in my life to show me He lives. Through them, Christ loved, held, and sustained me.

Through Jesus and His love of putting my needs above their own, I saw how He never gave up on a crushed pot. To the contrary, through Christ the potter's field became His and God put the broken rubbish back together again in Jesus.

I'll share one example of a person who did this for me. I'd done OK in school graduating in the top 5% of my University but was non-functional at graduation from acute anxiety, depression OCD. I found a Christian physiatrist who prayed for each of their patients daily. She began to see me. I now began to address the above plus unforgiveness and rage.

Anxiety attacks began at six, was abused at age 10, surreptitiously queried my “Christian” parents regarding the abuse to learn God could “never forgive me.” So, live 60 more years (from 1970), then death at 70 and hell for eternity.

I now sat, with a “Spirit” filled doctor who had twenty years clinical experience. A Cornell graduate with a PhD and M.D. from John Hopkins University. I was in attack mode from life experience. The world was an angry, rage filled place where ALL cared only for themselves. She had me on benzodiazepines and major tranquilizers.

Office visits were twice a week. After a year, down came the gauntlet with my T&C's. “If you say God really loves, show me ... prove it. I'll come but won't pay a dime, you'll only get what insurance covers (50% at the time), take it or leave it.” She said, “I accept.”

An on edge 24 year old, challenging a Dr. from a top medical school and hospital world over. By earthly standards, pedigree impeccable, nothing compared to Christ in this godly woman. To my shame, I called her and her postulations every name in the book. She could and probably should have told me to walk but never wavered.

After a year, Jesus convicted me of His great love and my great need to repent. I kept track of money owed and paid her back every cent. With many tears I asked forgiveness. Her response was straight forward and simple, “you are forgiven.”

Why do I say this now? Christ has gone to such great lengths over 45 years to show a son of wrath and rage, His Incomprehensible love. Beyond that, he put a Dr. for 22 years into my life showing truly lived, God's love in this life. I am 100% bought into the greatest of things is God's love (I Cor. 13).

I can talk all day about spiritual positions and doctrines (pre-tribulation, post tribulation, eternal security, etc... ). It ultimately doesn't mean a thing to me or people in the world. They need and want to see a loving God and Savior walked out in their midst. Like I saw, one who laid down their ego so I could see Jesus on earth.

I sat across from a lady I didn't have the right to be in the room with (not just in worldly terms, include spiritual for if so moved she walked mightily in the power of the Spirit, etc... ). She would be the first to say the gifts or gifting's, are from God. He can remove if so inclined, anytime.

What Christ never removes is the call to show His unconditional agape love in a Phil. 2 manner. I was privileged to see this walked out in front of me, by one I was unworthy of. My current doctor last year said, “At least you aren't on Haldol (H-Bomb of major tranquilizers). I replied, “You forgot the list of +20 medications I first listed 7 or 8 years ago.

I called my Dr. in Portland though no contact since '05. She returned the message. I said, “I realize now you were trying to keep me from being committed or committing suicide, thank you for saving my life.” She simply replied, 'it was my pleasure to serve you as Christ called me too.”

K. is correct, relationships take time and many of you have been on CB years. I do not desire to be a “fly in the ointment” or cause disconcert. I desire to walk as close as possible to Jesus daily and proclaim His love. I respect other doctrinal points of view but I've become very simplistic in my old age.

Our Pastor in Portland said shortly before going home to the Lord after battling leukemia for 24 years, (had a great sense of humor and poked fun), it will all “pan” out in the end because the Lord is in control (all smiled knowing reference to pantheism).

I don't want or expect any big influx of comments or whatever. I thank you for letting me be a part of CB but will quietly move on if God through you give that indication. I'll let those who have me marked as a friend send a message to indicate your leaning. In Jesus Christ's over whelming love, thank you.

Joyce Bethy Ferguson @bethy ·

Les.. where do I start?

First of all some of us have only been friends for years simply because we have hung in there when we have wanted to walk away from here. Actually i did not so much hang on as have K, Kbird beth and others grabbing me by the collar and holding on for dear life. Les, Im grabbing you by the collar now for I look on you as one of my true friends.

One of the reasons I love you here is that I can relate to your struggle, or rather I see my husbands struggle in you. I can see him a little clearer as I read your blogs.

As to those who are of the claim it and have it brigade, they are fools of the first order. I have in the past wondered at the wisdom of those who tell me God can heal me, and I lack faith if Im not healed, while at the same time they wear glasses to help their eyesight. What is the difference in you and my hubby taking medication to help their mental health and someone wearing glasses, hearing aids etc to aid their health. Ignore them, they will go away when they see we are not impressed by their 'wisdom'

Les, my friend, you are more precious to us than diamonds, more costly than Gold. You can be a fly in our ointment anytime, cause there are times Im a dirty great thron in the thumb of my pals here.

You are needed here. More than that though, you are wanted here.

[quote]I desire to walk as close as possible to Jesus daily and proclaim His love. I respect other doctrinal points of view but I've become very simplistic in my old age.[/quote] My sentiments exactly.

Seriously, don tmake me hunt you down.. you would not like the Irish when we get upset, it is not a pretty sight.

Raymond Yuen @rwpyuen ·

Les, you are loved. You are a cordial, kind, loving and beautiful-heart person. Same as you, because of my psycho and bipolar, I have trespassed a lot of persons. I understand your situation. Come to Jesus. Ask for help from HIM. HE is Almighty. Nothing is impossible for HIM. Pray for HIS blessing, love, grace with a thanksgiving and contented heart. HE will give you peace. HE is the King of Peace. HE will give you love. HE is love. HE is the greatest love. Furthermore, in Christ, old things have gone, everything is new. Pray for you. My brother, My beloved. In Christ, Raymond

Billy Beard @billyb ·

Don't just leave. Perhaps take a break of sorts. That is what I am doing. I have invested a lot here, and would hate to see it just gone. I pray you see the same. As a whole, this site serves its purpose. Perhaps not how we all feel it should. God is in control, though, and He it is we will all answer to. Not the whims of mankind. "approved unto God". Regardless of any age or time involved though. Here, or, anywhere else. Jesus Christ Himself addressed that, in His parables.

God bless in whatever you decide.

K Reynolds @kreynolds ·

I echo Bethy's words.

I remember once asking God why. Why did I have to be on this path? Why did I have to be "vulnerable"? Why? His response was, "Because I said so."

Each time someone says, "I needed to read this" or "God used this to speak to me" or "This encouraged me to press on", I realize it has been worth it and my pain and struggles have not been in vain. They have been transformed into instruments of encouragement and healing and thus transformed into weapons against the enemy. Have I done such a thing? Of course not! It is what God does when we dare to be obedient... even when it is hard and even when it hurts!

I think of all the precious brothers and sisters who have persevered and I cannot help but wonder how different my life might be if they had not. God has spoken to me through their words so often! Right now I am thinking back six years ago when a dear brother halfway around the world "heard" my cry in the night as I suffered horrible pain from chemo and "rushed" to my side, letting me know I was not alone; praying and encouraging me to "never give up"!

If people want to argue, they will always find something to argue about. If people want to be angry, they will always find something to be angry about. This is not just true here at CB. This is true everywhere.

God brought me to CB nearly seven years ago. Have I ever wanted to walk away? Sure. Here's the problem though. I said God had brought me here and when I tried to leave, this was what He said: "I brought you here and you are to stay here until I tell you to leave."

And so my friend and brother, that is what it all comes down to. Why are we here? Did God bring us or did we just blindly stumble into CB one day? If God did indeed lead us here, then it is up to us to be obedient.

Bethy wrote:

[quote]One of the reasons I love you here is that I can relate to your struggle, or rather I see my husbands struggle in you. I can see him a little clearer as I read your blogs. [/quote]

It sounds to me like God brought you here...

Blessings!

K :princess:

John Knox @watchmanjohn ·

[quote]and not having "earned the right to be heard."[/quote]

Who told you that nonsense? Since God brought you here this is the only 'authority' that you need. Les my friend I count you as one of my special friends for I need you to continue here for my exhortation and edification; and I am not alone in thinking this way as shown by the blogs.
Les sit down and take yourself by the scruff of the neck and write another of your up-lifting blogs so we all can be blessed by your obedience to the Father of lights. ☕

wmj

Barbra Lambert @enje25 ·

Les,

I would like to encourage you to "stay!" You have a wonderful heart that has much to offer. The members above have well expressed their pleasant sentiments of you, and I pray that each of their responses (coupled with mine as well) would help you to know that you are important to us. Remember, it takes time for social media members to get to know one another, so could you please give us more time to get to know you better.

Respectfully,

-enje

Beth M @blest ·

Dear Les,

What bethy said (Joyce Bethy Ferguson). Yeah, just read that again and put it here.

I don't know all the details of which you speak. I have been here a long time; but don't write many blogs and read WAY too few! So I am not sure exactly of what you speak.

But don't let them drive you away. Cling to the good; ignore the rest. We want you to stay. We love you though we don't know you face to face.

Oh, and, I haven't driven in a number of years. Because of panic attacks.

blest (Beth)
Kirk M @blessings2you ·

Les,
As you can see, NO ONE thinks you are anything but a great blessing to this site. There are no kings and queens here (although there is one princess). We are just believers who love the Word of God and desire fellowship with others of the same ilk.

We all have problems, trust me on this. I am on tons of medication for heart problems and pain, others have physical issues that would totally shut down most people and still others must fight an intense daily battle just to be able to function in this crazy world. You are not alone, not by a long shot.

Years ago we used to have a group here that K ran for people who had physical, mental, emotional etc. woes. It was amazing how many of us were in that group. We all have issue and it is nothing to be ashamed of or try to hide. In fact, as some of us try to do regularly, it is a good thing to be transparent and share from the heart and not just from intellect.

Please stick around and give this a chance to gel for you, you won't be sorry if you do.

Blessings 2 you,
Kirk

Alison Stewart @kiwibird ·

Well... I obviously haven't been stern enough with you... :doh: Not sure why I didn't catch up with this blog but I wholeheartedly agree with all the previous comments. God brought you here. We are blessed to have you travel with us on the journey. We face our difficulties together, we pray for each other, prop each other up, and occasionally (when necessary) we drag a fallen comrade out of the mire and set them back up on their feet. We have all been there and that is what we do for each other. We are blessed to have you with us, my friend.

:heart: kb