Over the weekend my son decided to end his life. He has battled addiction and depression for years. I have watched him struggle and have prayed for him and encouraged him each step of the way. He has turned from his faith and says he is agnostic now. He took all of his medications at one time on Saturday. He survived and is now in a psychiatric hospital for 5 to 7 days for an evaluation. As i drove him to the hospital, he once again as he often does decided to question my faith. He at times seems to be trying to convince me that i am wasting my prayers on him. We had a conversation about the Bible and he asked me why i believed in a book that is full of contradictions. I immediately thought of the story about the Father who brings his son to Jesus to be healed. Jesus asked him do you believe i can heal your son? The Father replies "I believe, help me with my unbelief!" I explained to my son that some may look at what he said as a contradiction, but i see it as a parent who believes Jesus can heal, but is not so confident that he is worthy to ask for it. He probably had doubts in himself more than he doubted Jesus. He had struggles and questions and in that day and time, you had to live up to the laws to receive favor from God. He may have, in the presence of Jesus questioned if he had done enough to request healing, he may have even thought as the Pharisee's did that he had brought this illness on his son. In my years of praying and waiting for my son i have often felt like this poor Father. I believe one day my son will be free from all the addiction and depression, but at the same time i question and doubt and wonder because i also believe in free will. I can pray and ask for him, but in the end the decision is his. He has to choose for himself to have a relationship with God. He has to believe that God sent His only son to save him. I weep and i despair every time i ponder the fact that he may not make the choice and he may not be in heaven when i get there. We almost lost him this weekend and if he had died i would have been left with the horrible truth of God's word that only those who believe shall receive eternal life. I originally started seeking God after my son was born and i read 'train up a child in the way he should go and even when he is old he will not depart from it'. I decided i needed to know how to train him. I wanted him to have a relationship with God all of his life. he used to tell people he wanted to be a pastor when he grew up. He used to come home from school and ask me to pray with him for friends who were lost. When in his teenage years he began to fall away, i was so shocked. He seemed to be so close to God. I trained him, i trusted God's word, and now i cry out to Jesus 'i still believe, but help me with my unbelief" I believe Jesus can save my son, but i am beginning to doubt if he will accept healing. I haven't given up, but i am struggling with doubts. He is so far from who he was before. He seems so lost. Years of addiction changes who you are. My faith in Jesus and my own relationship with Him has not changed, but my hopes and dreams for my son are fading. How do you live with the not knowing if your beloved child will be saved? How do i press on when the darkness is surrounding him? I am so worn down. I am so sad. It is hard for me to know what words to pray at this point. I am just relying on the Holy Spirit to groan for me. I want anyone who is willing to please pray for my son Mitchell. Ask God to show up and reveal Himself to him in a way that he could never deny Him again. I appreciate it. I have wept and cried so many tears over him. I want to shed tears of joy now. I want to see a change, just a glimmer of hope would be enough to sustain me. I love my Jesus no matter what happens. I know He can heal my son, i want help to believe that He will be whole again.
As a mother of two sons, my heart ached for you as I read this. I most certainly will pray for Mitchell.
May the Lord fill you with His love and peace and knowledge that all is indeed in His hands which were wounded for us all.
Thank you for the privilege of spending time with you in prayer. I want to encourage you to keep you eyes fixed on God and allow Him to move in the life of your son. I pray that every time you are tempted to look to the right or the left, you will be reminded of where your hope is and where the truth comes from. You planted the seeds of faith in the heart of your son, and God watered them. Mitchell is in God's hands.
My heart goes out to you. I will be praying for Mitchell, that the Holy Spirit will speak to him and heal him in mind, body, and spirit. I will also be praying for you and your family as you face this trial.
Prayers have been lifted up believing God is faithful to His Word and not one Word He has every spoken will return to Him without accomplishing the purpose for which He sent it. In faith, I enter in believing Mitchell will return to the truth and the life he was trained up in. I'm also praying and believing you will be strengthened in body, soul, and spirit and believing your faith will prevail.
Praising God for His loving kindness, tender mercies, and grace.
I too am lifting your son and you in prayer, and holding you in my heart.
If Mitchell was a follower of Jesus, my belief is Jesus will not let go of him. I pray for Mitchell to reach the place where He can SEE who Jesus is and be enabled to call out to Him. I pray for healing and wholeness of spirit, soul and body for Mitchell and comfort for your family. Thank you Lord for your great mercy and for your peace and comfort through these difficult times. revgenlink
Thank each one of you for taking time to pray and encourage me through this difficult time. I have felt better today than i have in weeks. I really believe God is going to move in Mitchell's life and I am excited to see what God has in store in the days to come. I will keep everyone updated as things change.
"How do you live with the not knowing if your beloved child will be saved?"
I have also dealt with this thought as well in my life.
God told me how did I keep you before you were saved?
Acts 16:31 "And they said to him, “Trust in our Lord Yeshua The Messiah, and you shall live, you and your household.”
Trust in God, when we cannot control something we need to leave it on the altar before God.
No matter how you feel quote the word of God and stand on it. Fear, rejection, depression and self hatred are of the enemy.
They are strongholds that he uses to control our minds. Start by praying for God to remove these strongholds over your sons mind.
Stand in authority with the sword of the living word over your son. Quote the word.
Tear them down and ask God to give him the fruits of the spirit.
Pray a daily blessing over your family.
Live in faith refuse to live in fear.
Shalom and love to you and your family.