The Storm was raging

The storm was raging I could barely see the road ahead. I had just left from visiting my son at rehab, he was so broken, so lost. My heart was broken too. As the rain fell so did my tears. Flooding rain, flooding tears. I am facing health issues and feel torn between taking care of myself and taking care of those I love. I can't be sick I have too much to do. Lightening, thunder, my vision blurred with tears, I am fearful that I will not make it home. Why God, why does it pour down so much? Why do you allow so much pain in our lives? Have I done something to deserve these storms in my life? Have I not been good enough? There it is again, that awful lifelong question that has torn me in two a million times "am I good enough" I can't be who I try so hard to be. Stronger, better, smarter, prettier, lovable, happier, I always want to be more than I am. Truth be told I live with self hate daily. I see my own flaws as weekness instead of meekness. I want to be perfect and I know I can never be. I put the same pressure on my kids and husband. I make them feel like they are not good enough when I want them to be better. Better than what? I want them to be better than me. I thought that if I taught them God's word and showed them the way they would follow and show the whole world how great God truly is. I wanted them to be evidence of how God had worked in my life, proof that God is faithful. Train them up in the way and they will not depart from it. I wholeheartedly believed that they would all be true believers their whole lives. Where did I go wrong? Why aren't they who I thought they would be? Lightening cracks thunder roars, tears pour, I see wrecks and destruction. Lives damaged, people are hurt in these storms. I don't want to be in this storm. God please make it stop. I can't keep going if it is going to keep raining. I wonder if I should pull over and wait the storm out, but I just want to get home. I just want to drive right out of the storm and so I press on. Hoping, waiting, that it will let up soon. I decide to exit the interstate at a place that I have never gotten off before. My navigation should help me find my way. The road is winding, the rains gets harder and I really can't see ten feet in front of my car. I turn on the hazard lights and drive twenty miles per hour. I hit puddles and feel the car slide so many times that I really believe that I am losing control and really won't make it. God please make it stop. I am scared and so tired of this flood. I see another wreck and I wonder to myself how will I get through this? The storms I am facing are just as fierce. The struggles that have overwhelmed me make me feel like I just can't make it. This is my life. Stormy. Painful. Blinding. I want to see what's up ahead, I want to know what is around the next curve, I have to trust that God will keep me safe. I have to ride this out and stay focused when my focus is so blurred, I am distracted with these thoughts. I just need to quit thinking so much and keep my eyes on the road, the task at hand. My mind never works that way. I can't stop seeing my life in my circumstances. This is like what I am dealing with, this storm represents all I have been enduring. I see God is showing me that. He is the one who opens my heart and mind to see how this dark dreary day is like this dark dreary season I am in. I take comfort in knowing that He has seen me through many other storms. He is in control, He allows these storms maybe even creates these storms for us to see that we need Him, we can't make it without Him, only He can see us through. Suddenly the rain slows I cut my wipers off of high now. My heartbeat slows too. I can see again and I have just made it to a road I am familiar with, hwy 19. It is four lanes and little traffic so it should get easier from here on. Less than one hour and I will be home. I thank God for showing me how He will do the same in the situations of my life that feel like this storm. I feel His peace, I am hopeful. I see a break in the grey dark skies. The blue sky is beginning to show up ahead. In my rear view mirror I see the dark storm I am heading out of. Lightening is still flashing behind me. But up ahead I see that it is calm. I praise God I begin to sing and thank Him. This is what I needed to see. This is what I needed to hear from you! The tears just like the rain or dried up and my heart is rejoicing again. God is showing me that He will keep me safe, He will bring peace and He will keep His promises, He is protecting and guiding me safely home. I am in awe of His greatness. And there it is, the icing on the cake. The most beautiful reminder of His goodness and His love. A perfect rainbow off to my left over a field, just at the moment I could truly appreciate it's beauty and perfection. His signature across a grey sky. I will not destroy you! I will not forsake you! I Am here with you to the very end. If I had never been through that storm, if I had never been asking God why, and seeking to understand my pain, I would have never seen His promise displayed. I would have never had to trust Him to make my way home. I love Him so. I may have cancer, I may not have cancer. My kids may self destruct or they may one day see as clearly as I do today. There are endless possibilities to how this will all work out, but one thing I know for sure. God loves me. He shows me every time I open my eyes to seek Him. He amazes me! Different tears begin now, I have another thought that is so sweet it brings tears of joy. I don't have to be perfect, I don't have to have an easy road, I don't have to worry about what lies ahead. I have a Father who loves me just as I am. He gives me rainbows big enough for the whole world to see. Some may look at the storms I face daily and think I am walking around with a cloud over my head, but they don't see what I see. They don't see the rainbow.

@blest
Beth M @blest ·

[quote]If I had never been through that storm, if I had never been asking God why, and seeking to understand my pain, I would have never seen His promise displayed.[/quote]
:clap: Excellent blog! So true, so true...

God does bring us through the storms, though often while in the storms, we can't see that there will be a rainbow ~

But His Word promises NO MATTER WHAT, He will never leave us, and if we hold on to that in the storms...

:pray: blessings, blest

@kiwibird
Alison Stewart @kiwibird ·

:eek: Wow! You got me from the beginning and I went right through everything with you.

He who has eyes to see, let him see ...

Thank you


kbird

@dpinnell5
Deborah Pinnell @dpinnell5 ·

Thank you both! I am so blessed by yall.

@day2day
Grey Warner @day2day ·

Thank you for sharing your so personally and openly...not only your struggles but your triumphs! What a WONDERFUL blog and I truly appreciate it. I will be praying for you!

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