So its late and I can't seem to sleep nor the last few nights, have really been able to. so here is my ramblings... There are things going on in my life that feel so out of my control that its almost all I think about. I have prayed for peace, wisdom, faith to be able to walk though this, but I still seem to worry off and on though out my day. Just when I think I've given it to the Lord, I look down and find that I've taken it all back from the Him. I wish I could just leave it with Him and walk away. Not stress over it. The whole thing is... I'm not really hearing God, or least I don't think so... But am I? I don't know... I have people that Love me and pray for me and want to see the best for me happen, and tell me that they don't think God would move me away from here, being I just got here in Jan of this year and yet when I hear that... i want to believe it... really I do. I lost my job last month and thought that I'd find a job by now... I haven't heard a thing! Nothing has seemed to have moved. Does this mean that I am to move?? I just don't know!!! Not that I have a lot of opposition's... . Ahhhhhh! I have these moments where I almost think I hear the Lord, but then its so not what everyone is telling me that "God" is going to do. My pastor says that God will provide no matter what, I think or want it to look like. The only thing I really want is God's peace right now... I need to stay in the moment and enjoy what time I might have left with my roomies. I feel so stressed out and I can't sleep nor feel like I deserve doing or having any fun. Philippians 4:6-7 - Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 1 Peter 5:7 Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. I'm try let God be who He wants to be in my life and not demand what I want... . however this is very hard to walk out and let God do what He wants to do...even if that means not telling me whats next. Its odd I almost can "sense" the go ahead to move, but then there is a very big part of me that does not want to go, the fact is I really do love it here and I don't want to start all over again. I just started to get to know people. I don't even own my own bed... ahhhhhh... My head is going to come off, if I don't stop trying to figure all this out on my own! Anxiousness will eat ya alive if you listen to it all day long... I so need to what God is saying right now... Rest in Him... just don't get how to keep it, when the enemy is barking like a rabid dog and wont let up. It has felt so overwhelming for weeks now... how much is up to me? what does God want me to do... Rest... what do you mean rest... but my whole life is about to change... again! But i must keep my eyes on Jesus and what He has said... In John 14:27 Jesus said: "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid". and in John 16:33 Jesus said: "These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." , If I am truly trusting Jesus my savior then I need not be afraid, and rest in Him peace... Lord, help to me to STAY in your peace, to not over think things and not worry what is going to happen with me... I may not be able to what's going to happen but you do...I need you to please clam my internal storm and hide me in your wings. thank in your name amen. Ok I guess that enough for tonight... To God be the glory in the end!