As life changes

Looking up on the hill behind my house today I noticed that the colors of the trees had peaked. Most years the trees change very gradually over a period of a couple of weeks but this year it was almost over night. I sat and thought about how fast my life had changed also. After my wife of 37 years died of cancer my life was turned upside down. All, I mean all the things that interest me no longer interested me any more. I was an avid golfer, fisherman, hunter and runner. I still make myself run to stay in shape but the other things I hardly ever do any more.

I use to love going to church and sing and be with other Christians but now I have to make myself go. Before I could pray for an hour, today I justdon't seem to have much to say. I went ahead and went to Africa on a 2 week mission trip a couple months ago and all I did was tell people about Jesus. I had hoped that the trip would spark a new fire in me to serve the Lord but it didn't happen.

I use to check in here at CB most every day but now it is not very often. I use to enjoy reading what my favorite bloggers would write. B2Y was like my second pastor and when I had to work and couldn't go to church I could just read his blogs and felt like I'd been to church. I miss those days and dream of returning to those days but all they are is dreams. I still feel that Jesus is coming back soon and pray that I do not meet Him face to face in this state.

I continue to pray/cry out to God that He would draw me back. I just feel numb, blank. My wife meant so much to me. I miss her so much. Time has healed some of the sadness. I know she would not be happy with my life now. I have become a disappointment to her I'm sure.

Like the leaves change and fall to the ground so have I changed and fallen to the ground. I only hope that spring will come soon and like the leaves, I too will bud and grow again. To be close to theLord I know from experanceis the only place where I will find peace and contentment.

alight

 alight
  I have been a member of ChristianBlog.Com for 5 years, 27 days.

  I have published 23 blogs and 80 comments.

 I currently live in: United States.
John Knox+

I enjoyed reading your blogs but then you disappeared and wondered why. Now I know, but please do stay as your blogs have been an inspiration to me in the past and my heart quickened when I saw your name come up tonight as I scrolled thru. the most recent blogs.

wmj

K Reynolds+

I have never lost a spouse so I cannot imagine what you have been going through, though I have suffered loss before.

I do know this however, my friend. Healing takes time and even when we heal... there are sometimes scars that will always remain. Numbness. Physically I have numbness in both of my feet and a portion of my left hand. It is due to chemo-induced neuropathy and it has been my constant companion since late April 2008 when I had my first infusion of taxol. Over time, I have become used to it and though I am aware of it, I don't "notice" it quite so much. There are times though, when a jolt of pain will bring it to my attention again, rather quickly.

My friend, never forget that our relationship with God is not based upon what we see, hear or even feel. Never forget that even as you wander through the "desert" or are tossed about in the "storm", that God has not forsaken you. You are in my prayers!

Blessings!

K :princess:

Barbra Lambert

Like the leaves change and fall to the ground so have I changed and fallen to the ground. I only hope that spring will come soon and like the leaves, I too will bud and grow again. To be close to the Lord I know from experance is the only place where I will find peace and contentment.
You've well expressed this desire in your blog, and I admire you for writing of where you are at this point. Please know that you're not alone in the intensity of this kind of suffering, for I know of others who are suffering from losses of loved ones who feel "exactly" as you and are in the same state of mind.

You've experienced a devastating loss, but rest assured that God understands where you are and He "will" always be there for you.

Please know that I will be keeping you in my prayers. God bless, and thank you for sharing this precious blog.

Tan Yeowhwa+

Brother Justalight, I don't know what to say but I share your deep grief. My late mum whom I love dearly left me 3 years ago and I still cry over her death because I miss her dearly and I need her so much.

Cry as much as you want, let the healing take place and let the comfort of the Lord surround you always and continually until the day of Christ.

Our God knows our griefs and He will surely help us in the days and weeks ahead.

Blessings always

From Hwa Silverpen

joyce+

Sometimes in Ireland winter tends to linger for longer than it is wanted. It outstays its welcome not only by days but by weeks or even months. But spring does eventually come, usually at the point where we are in despair. What we have learned to accept is that spring will come in its time. As will your spring my friend.

***

Sandy Brooks

Nice to hear from you sweet Brother Alight

I want to share the words to a song with you. Every time I listen to it my mind goes a a big tree in the woods with a hidden cavity in it. I go in, the outside world disappears and there waiting to surround me in His feathered arms is my Lord. The peace I find in my "Hiding Place" is beyond words. Hiding Place by New Life worship.

Praying it will give you peace as well.

I found myself a hiding place
I found myself a secret space
In the shelter of Amighty's love
In the safety of the Saviour's arms

Chorus:
I will run to the hiding place
I will run to the hiding place
Draw me ever closer to look upon Your face
I will run to the hiding place

Verse2:
I found myself a hiding place
I found myself a secret space
In the refuge of the Father's care
In the cleansing blood of Jesus there
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/new-life-worship-hiding-place-lyrics.html ]
Chorus:
I will run to the hiding place
I will run to the hiding place
Draw me ever closer to look upon Your face
I will run to the hiding place

Bridge:
Though my fear may overwhelm me
And troubles, they surround
Though
The wind rise up to take me
My hiding place is already found

Verse3:
I found myself a hiding place
I found myself a secret space
In the shelter of Amighty's love
In the safety of the Saviour's arms

Oh, wanna look upon Your face
I will run to the hiding place

Blessings
pooh

Beth+

You remain in my prayers, dear friend. God will bring you through as you allow Him. That He has promised. Cling to Him. Just cling to Him. When there is nothing else, just cling to him. Nothing can separate us from His love. Whether you feel that or not, it is the Truth. We love you and miss you.
:pray:ing, and so blest to see a blog from you...