I can't sleep tonight

Tonight I went to bed and cut off the light. I was all snug in the covers when memories of my sweetheart came flooding back into my mind. I jumped up and turned on the light. You see, my wife of 37 years and 4 months went to be with The Lord on October 7th this year. She was the love of my life. We were married when we were babies it seems. I am having a hard time coping without her by my side.

Today I realized that I would give everything, I mean everything, my savings, my 401k, my IRA and sale my property and give every dime just to have her back for one week! I loved that girl. But I also know that she would not come back to this world if you offered her a mansion in Beverly Hills, a billion dollar bank account, and perfect health. She is with Jesus now. She is beholding His glory. She is in the place we dream of being.

I am comforted by these thoughts as long as I keep my eyes open. My friends here at CB prayed for me and my family and I am very thankful for that. I needed K telling me to keep trusting in The Lord and I did. If only I was here B2Y could have walked me through the times I was completely falling apart. Bethy could have sung me a song and that would have given me great comfort.

Maybe I am blogging because I am stalling on going back to bed. Well, here goes!

Blessings,

justalight

@shanijane
Shani Matthews @shanijane ·

You know... I've just worked out who this is... Welcome home my friend! I'm really sorry to hear of your loss, I pray that God just loves up on you and comforts you in your grief. Alight, we have missed you and we have spoken of you often. Love ya mate!

@mumbly
Shirley Hooper @mumbly ·

Hi Alight, You have been so missed here at CB. I am so very sorry to hear about your loss, and can certainly put a hand on your shoulder, and tell you that I do know what you are going through. I also lost the love of my life, my dearest husband, many yrs ago.

How my heart goes out to you, in sympathy, and Christian love. I found that the Lord was so faithful as always, and He gave me great comfort , as I know He will give to you also. It is very deep water to be going through, but I got some comfort knowing that God does know what He is doing, even when our hearts are breaking. So let yourself grieve, dear brother in Christ, for it is very very early days for you, and it is only natural that you will be missing the love of your life.

Your CB friend ..mumbly

@blessings2you
Kirk M @blessings2you ·

Welcome home dear friend. My heart has ached knowing of your pain and the ordeal you have endured for many years. It is over now and I rejoice that you have made your way back here to where your friends and spiritual family are. We have prayed a million prayers for your situation and now it is time to find the comfort and encouragement friends and family provide. I sincerely pray you set up your tent and move in here for awhile and allow the love of God manifested by so many to help heal your heart and fill the emptiness you live with.

@kreynolds
K Reynolds @kreynolds ·

My heart aches terribly for you, my friend. The road you have traveled and are traveling even now is very difficult but you do not have to walk it alone... unless you choose to.

What Mums said is so true.

[quote]It is very deep water to be going through, but I got some comfort knowing that God does know what He is doing, even when our hearts are breaking. So let yourself grieve, dear brother in Christ, for it is very very early days for you, and it is only natural that you will be missing the love of your life.[/quote]

Blessings and Prayers,

K :princess:

@billyb
Billy Beard @billyb ·

My condolences. "beholding His glory". What a time that will be. I do hope you find much comfort in the friends here, and there. God be with You.

@bethy
Joyce Bethy Ferguson @bethy ·

Its not often I am lost for words ( you can testify to that), but today I have absolutely no words to offer you. I am so sorry my friend, so very sorry. There is a verse in a song that simply says this...

O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.

I pray that he who seekest you through pain will be your comfort and your joy.


bethy.

@thewordscribe
·

Dear brother justalight,
Your blog is a loving tribute to your wife. May God give you rest in the knowledge that she is in the loving arms of our Father.
"And He shall wipe away every tear from their eyes and there shall no longer be any death; there shall no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away".Revelation 21:4 Dear Lord come quickly...we are ready for your promise to be fulfilled.
Your brother in Christ,
thewordscribe

@iraqivetsgtret
Raynard Shellow @iraqivetsgtret ·

my condolences to you my brother. your blog not only made me think of my wife of 5 years but her aunt and uncle. they have been married for 37 years now and she is currently in the hospital. I seen both of them yesterday with my wife. seeing him show affection to his wife made me almost cry. be blessed

@spaulphil
·

Praying for you tonight and thinking about the words of a song I heard recently. It assures us that if we will "hold onto Jesus, He's holding onto you."

May you feel His sweet hands holding you tightly today and every day.

Paul

@justalight
Dwight Alight Davis @justalight ·

Thanks guys for the prayers and encouraging words. I know that I will not be very good company for a while so bare with me please.

Alight

@day2day
Grey Warner @day2day ·

Nights can be very difficult as there are no distractions and the quiet can be deafening...the mind wanders and it is so easy to be overwhelmed by whatever pain you are going through. I can feel the love you had for your wife and although I don't know you both, I mourn your loss for you. I am sure you have heard all the words of encouragement and condolence...I have nothing new to add except that I am so sorry for your loss. You are right, she is out of pain and her spirit is free and happy. There IS comfort in that...I pray the Lord will bless you with peace and comfort NOW and in the days ahead...that you will quickly be able to arrive at the place where memories will be more healing and a blessing than a painful reminder of the loss. For now, you need to mourn and have every right to do so. Just know that you are not alone and we are praying for you... kreynolds and b2y as you mentioned (among so many others!) are wonderful to have in your corner!! So glad you returned to CB...I know personally, when I am up at night being sad or worrying that it has been wonderful to have somewhere and someone to turn to. I just wanted to add that I am very happy for you that you had such a love...and that you and your precious wife were blessed with a lifetime of love and happiness. Although it might make it harder to say goodbye (temporarily!), you were left with a gift of happy memories to hold on to and bring you joy in the years ahead. Her light will still burn in your home. Big Hug and many prayers. :butterfly:

ps. I noticed you just recently had a birthday!

@blest
Beth M @blest ·

Welcome home, dear friend!

"Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him."

May God comfort you as only He can,

With heartfelt sympathy and a gentle hug,

blest

@poodlelady
Sandy Brooks @poodlelady ·

Dearest Alight

My heart aches for you in this time of sorrow and rejoicing. Rejoicing that Dale is no longer in pain but is with our Lord and is experiencing a happiness we can only dream of. Yet sorrow because you have lost not only your wife but your soul mate.

Mums is right - there is a time for grieving -but joy will comes in the morning.

My prayers are with you always.

Blessings :heart:
poodlelady

@kiwibird
Alison Stewart @kiwibird ·

I have just found this! I would have pounced on you straight away and given you a big kbird hug if I had seen you come in the door. It is a joy to know that you are here and know that we WILL support you in any way we can. Oh, and it took me about one second to figure out the avatar!
:pray: Lord, fill the void in our friend with your peace, please. Even though there is much that has changed I pray that he will feel at home and at peace. Amen


kbird

@silverpen
Tan Yeowhwa @silverpen ·

Brother Justalight, yes it's never easy when our loved ones are not with us. The most comforting thought is that they are with our Jesus. So stay comforted and may God comfort you in the way that only He knows how.

Glad to have you blogging again. Thanks for sharing and most welcome too.

Blessings always

From Hwa Silverpen

@iraqivetsgtret
Raynard Shellow @iraqivetsgtret ·

Brother Justalight, just noticed you. sorry about your loss. you were and still are in the prayers of me and my family.i'm still here for you my friend. be blessed

@justalight
Dwight Alight Davis @justalight ·

Tonight at work I was standing outside waiting on a tank to fill when I remembered Dale saying that she would be looking down from Heaven and watching over me. I began to talk to her out loud and said such things as, "I miss you and hurt all over. I know that you are pain free and happy as can be. Have you met a lot of family and friends yet? Is Heaven as wonderful as we talked about many times? How can you look down upon me and still be happy? I'm happy for you and know that this is best for you. I don't ask for you back, I ask to be where you are and soon. I love you so much, Dale Jesus, if she can't hear me will you tell her that I miss her and love her very much?"

@poodlelady
Sandy Brooks @poodlelady ·

I'm sure He will Alight. He sees your pain and :cry:s with you.

Praying for you.

Big hugs
pooh

@day2day
Grey Warner @day2day ·

The giant void you feel missing her physical presence must be so very hard...how wonderful though for you that you have a tangible piece of her with you still...your daughter...her daughter...and grand-daughter. It will be your job to pass down the memories...maybe you could write a journal to your grand-daughter for when she is grown of all the wonderful attributes of Dale, how you met, what she was like as a mother to your daughter, etc. May the love of Dale and the peace of the Lord enwrap you and remind you you are never alone. :butterfly:

@justalight
Dwight Alight Davis @justalight ·

It will be 5 months Thursday without my sweetheart. It's a rainy day here in Tennessee and so I have stayed in and cleaned house and went back reading older blogs. This one I have cried all the way through. Lately I have been doing OK. I have tried to not think on the things that bring on the pain. I've hurt for so long. You may say 5 months is not that long but my days have like 40 hours in them.

In my volunteer work 2 of the people I sit with are slipping away. I have come to love these people and know it will be very dark days when they pass. Yesterday one of them would grab my hand and hold on tight every time I walked by. I would just hold his hand and comfort him the best I could. His wife who is the reason I come and sit so she can get out for a while says that I am her son and that she loves me.

I ask myself why do I want to put myself through such torment? One person said because I am an angel. Well, I tried to convince a lot of my CB friends that I was an angel with no luck. I don't have an answer except that I believe God wants me to. If that is the case then He must want me to continue to hurt and keep a broken heart. I'm game if it is His will!

alight

@blest
Beth M @blest ·

[quote]I don't have an answer except that I believe God wants me to.[/quote] That's all the answer you need...

[quote]If that is the case then He must want me to continue to hurt and keep a broken heart[/quote] And THAT, dear friend, is a lie. The Lord wants your healing not your hurting, and I think you know that. It is just that you are hurting, understandably - you will hurt for Dale as long as you draw breath. The Lord has put this work on your heart because you can understand more than anyone, how these people feel. You are willing, able, and qualified ~ you are the one for the job ~ THAT is why He put this on your heart. And I believe in time, these people that God has placed in your 'care', will aid in your healing, not your hurting...
The Lord wants only the best for you, as do we, your friends at CB.

gentle
blest :butterfly:

@poodlelady
Sandy Brooks @poodlelady ·

We won't let you throw in the towel Alight. We will hold you up forever if we need to but we won't let you throw in the towel!

Praying for you -love you dear "brother"

Big Hugs
pooh

@silverpen
Tan Yeowhwa @silverpen ·

Brother justalight, yes you are hurting and I feel it too. Do not give up even though the journey seems difficult and meaningless. As you walk on, step by step, you will find the journey lighter and the way easier.

There is nothing that we can overcome if only we focus our eyes on Jesus. I know your suffering as I and many others here have also been through difficult period of sicknesses, of loss and of pain. God is there for us and He has not forgotten you or me.

Hang on, hang on and do not give up for the tide will turn for you. Just draw daily strength from the Lord and He will surely lift you up in due season.

I will remember you in my prayers. I bind the spirit of loneliness that oppress this brother in the name of Jesus. I ask that the Lord to bring more friends and many others to encourage and to keep this brother company and in good spirit. Thank You Jesus. Amen :pray:

Blessings always

From Hwa Silverpen

@day2day
Grey Warner @day2day ·

I think there is no time table for grieving...please don't feel like you should be at a certain point so many months or years down the road... I think we need to keep moving forward as there is still purpose, joy, and meaning in store for you...but I think that learning to live without your companion by your side will take time...grieving takes time...joy will take time. I am amazed at all that you are doing and the hope and kindness you are giving to others during this own painful time in your life. God will bless your gifts and you in return. Cry when you need to cry...laugh when you feel like laughing...We all are sending hugs and encouragement and prayers your way. Keep blogging! :butterfly: The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Ps. 34:18

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