What on earth happened?

It will soon be 40 years ago that I asked Jesus to come into my life and forgive my many sins and save my sorry soul. For many years now I have loved the Lord Jesus and served Him to my very best. Then tragedy hit. Cancer took my wife of 37 years and I was devastated. I was a Christian long enough that if it happened to you I would have had all the answers to what you needed and how you could overcome such sadness and troubles. I would quote you all the verses that should have comforted yoursoul and dried up the tears you would have cried night after night. Yet here I am over 2 years later still in much sorrow but just not over my wife but the distance I am from God.

I still have the knowledge, I still have the Spirit, I still have the want to, to be close to God again. But He seems to be a million miles away. When I cry out... . I hear no answer. When I reach out... .. I feel no touch. When I read His Word... . It's like reading a novel not the Living Word. Something is very wrong with me and with all the years of training I find myself hopeless. I continue to read and pray and go to church, yet for nought.

Yes, I am desperate but not ready to give up yet. God who cannot lie said that He would never forsake me. I believe that. Although I am very untrustworthy I know He is forever true to His Word. I believe that. My hearts desire is to be close to Him. Maybe someday. Maybe someday soon. If you are waiting for me to write a blog that will inspire you... not today. Maybe tomorrow.