I Still Refuse to Fear!

Nearly six years on from the first time I made a declaration of intent to stand against fear, today I got another reminder of my need to stand firm. Today I found out that the second brain tumour which was discovered two years ago has, within the last ten months, 'put on weight'.

I am not surprised by the results of the MRI I had last week. It just confirms that there is a cause for the dizziness I have been feeling for the past couple of months. May be the weariness is part of that as well. With none of the family around for the next few days I had to make some phone calls to let them know the results of the MRI. I suspect that they are more concerned that I am.

I was speaking with my youngest daughter today and she wanted to know if I ever ask God “Why?” . I could truthfully say that I don't. Somewhere in that declaration I made in July 2008 I finally grasped the principle of trust in God, of trusting God. I understood that the only way to fight fear is to look into God's eyes and lock down 'peripheral vision'. By peripheral vision I mean all those things which can drag us away from our intended goal; fear, greed, anxiety – those things which can lead us to take our eyes off of the only one who can bring us peace.

Not only do we have to keep our eyes focused though, we have to make a decision as to what we listen to. Do scriptures like “I will never leave you nor forsake you” , scriptures about trust, about keeping our eyes on God, fly over our heads or do they stop up our ears so that we don't hear the negative retorts and emotional backlash from others in reaction to our choice to walk in faith?

I don't have the 'oomph' to ask why. I am too busy concentrating on keeping my focus where it needs to be. Keeping the declaration I made all those years ago in my mind, my heart and mouth takes all the energy I have. It works, so why would I look elsewhere for peace that is only found in one place?


Eternal father strong to save, continue to be glorified through your servant Alison. Lord you hear the unspoken need and you give us grace to believe.

Kinda puts my whinging into perspective.

K Reynolds @kreynolds ·

I met you hear at CB nearly six years ago as I was finishing up cancer treatment and you were going to be having surgery to remove a brain tumor. I remember reading the blog you wrote, I remember seeing a picture of you and your "sunflower" and how you wrote about fear. I was so moved by what you said that I copied a quote you made so that I could remember it always:


I can attest to the fact that you have lived this as long as I have known you. I can attest to the fact that your utmost confidence in God spills out upon those around you for I have been one of the people whom it has fallen upon.

How I wish there was not half a continent and an ocean between us, TT! How I wish I was just out the door and on the other side of your garden. The only "barrier" between us would be poles, lattices and fruit trees... oh and corn.

I am reminded though that we are "together" in Christ and that is far more important than being just over the fence. :princess::princess: I am reminded that wherever you are, God is... and all is well.

Blessings and Prayers,


John Knox @watchmanjohn ·

[quote] don't have the 'oomph' to ask why. I am too busy concentrating on keeping my focus where it needs to be. [/quote]

I was shown some time ago that to ask 'why' is a step away from faith into a walk by sight, for deep down that question is really doubting Gods dealings with us.
Your life is a wonderful example of how the christian life should be walked with eyes and thoughts only on our saviour. You have shown that such a stance can be done and done well.
May God surround you with his heavenly force, may he protect and sustain you, may your soul be lifted up to the very throne of God.


Alison Stewart @kiwibird ·

TT, that quote is just what I need at the present time. I am going to print it out and put it on the wall right by the electric jug (I go there often!), right next to the framed notice I have from the NZ Diabetes Association giving seven reasons for exercise! I am not a diabetic but the principles still apply. :mrgreen:

"The principles still apply". Wow! Nothing has changed, TT. In order to become who God wants me to be I have to take responsibility for my part. Circumstances are a side issue (am I really saying this?). The key to who I am in Christ is in my obedience, my desire to be who God wants me to be. If my focus is solely on God then the peace that I find in Him is truly without measure. I am reminded of a song based on 1 John 4:4 which says...

[b]"I belong to God and the battle with the enemy is already won! For greater is the one who is living in me than the enemy living in the world".[/b] [tiny]copyright: David and Dale Garrett[/tiny]

[b][sup]I don't need to fight, I just need to live - eyeball to eyeball with God[/sup] [/b]

ps wmj and I crossed wires. I apologise for this comment not being directly under yours.

Tan Yeowhwa @silverpen ·

Hi Sister Alison, sorry to hear about the latest but encouraged by your determination and faith. Fight the good fight of faith for the Lord will go before you and will guide you in all matters.

Will keep you and family in prayer. :pray:

Be still and know that He is God and He is in control of all circumstances ,no matter how big or small.

Blessings always

From Hwa Silverpen

Kirk M @blessings2you ·

If there is one thing I know, it is that if there is anyone around who will remain calm and trusting no matter what--it is you! Your soothing simple trust is something we all need to learn and practice more and more. Thank you for being such a wonderful teacher!

You know, I know and we all know that this situation is squarely in the Father's hands and He will take care of it and you as He has the past six years. God is with you, God is in you and God will never leave you nor forsake you. His great comfort makes it easy to fall into His arms and cry Abba Father.

Stay blessed and the blessing you are to so many of us,

Shirley Hooper @mumbly ·

My thoughts and prayers are with you, Alison. So very pleased to hear about the peace which God has given you. It reminds me of a few lines from the old chorus. "He's real to me, He's real to me, my Saviour Christ, is real to me." May God wrap His loving arms around you, and may you continue to know His Peace, which truly is, past understanding. Much christian love. x x


Everybody has said what I was thinking when I read this blog, so all I will add is this. You are a weapon chick. Xx

Sandy Brooks @poodlelady ·

Loved this blog Kbird -yup sometimes there are more important thing at hand than asking "why".

Praying all goes well with you.

Big Hugs

Kenneth Figurelli @bibleguy64 ·

My prayers are with you, Kiwi. - Fig

Sandy Brooks @poodlelady ·

Amen -Amen -Amen and Amen!

You are such a Blessing Kbird :heart:


The Kingdom is within you according to Jesus (see Luke ch.17 v 21) and where the Kingdom is, surely God is at home with you.
Nothing can separate you from Gods love; Certainly not physical death, spiritually you are already connected to him never to be parted.
God bless you Alison.

Christine Mvundla @christinerose ·

The weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds... .

K Reynolds @kreynolds ·

I found myself reading this again. Thank you.


K :princess:

Do not include honorifics.

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