It's nearly 3am on Christmas Eve and I am sitting here trying to recover my equilibrium having yet again suffered the frustration of the inconsiderate actions of a neighbour. Post brain tumour I have been left with an anti-stress mechanism that is set off by people with little or no consideration of others. Consequently, when ever I am faced with the actions of such people the result is not pretty!
In writing the above I am reminded that it is I who choose the reaction that I have. My normally placid nature has been disturbed tonight but the reality is that my reaction to outward circumstances that will dictate my approach to the situation. How often is what I go through because of my ungodly attitude to the circumstance in which I find myself.
It's 10am. The idea that my husband is going to call on the neighbour today to try (for the umpteenth time) to get him to direct his security light on to his property instead of through our house doesn't work any more. I see the neighbour and know that I have got to take courage and humility and go see him myself.
Just before the first brain tumour 'exploded' into life five and a half years ago I had a peculiar change of temperament. I began feeling as though I could get angry in an instant and that such anger would manifest itself verbally upon whatever victim happened to be in my sights at the time. You have to believe me when I say that this has never been part of who I am. My family would tell you that I am the exact opposite. It hasn't happened yet but ...
So, with the knowledge that I have to be as God would want me to be I make my way somewhat nervously towards my neighbour's home. I have to honour who I am in Christ and I need to keep that thought foremost in my mind. I have to concentrate on it because my short term memory doesn't work very well these days. Aggression with those who I come in contact with is never a solution, just an addition to an escalating problem.
Arriving unannounced at my neighbour's he seems to have disappeared but his wife greets me cheerfully. This is something of a relief because I prefer the idea of chatting with her. Stepping aside from all her pre-Christmas visitors I express my concerns, the stress that I now find myself manifesting, clear to anyone. She mentions (quite rightly) that they have been making a concerted effort to switch the light off as soon as possible after it is required. I absolutely agree. My issue – for the most part – is not the how long the light is on,but the direction it faces. Within a minute or two she arranges for someone to move the light and I set off home.
I don't know why it has taken three and a half years to get a satisfactory outcome. May be it is because I should have done something about it myself in the first place. May be it is because I recognised in myself the need to behave in a manner that honoured God. May be it is just because God's timing is perfect and there were a lot of things I needed to learn before I came to a place where I could deal with the situation. What ever the answer, I know that finally, I have chosen the better path.
[quote]God's Word and His Spirit indeed come to our aid as we cry out to Him. I would add that it is also the Word stored in our hearts that the Holy Spirit quickens with power. [/quote]
Of all your options I would tend to plump for the above. God has indeed worked/woven a wonderful disposition of Jesus into your life and you will never be the same again.
I always struggled with keeping my temper in check under certain situations but post my brain issues it has become more of a challenge so I know what you mean. There is definitely a personality change after that sort of trauma. Even so, I agree. We still must ask God to help us control our responses. When I do this things go well. When I don't... well... I wish that I had.
I am thankful that when we cry out to Him... He does help us to do what we are not able to do on our own.
this is the only words I have