As I Lay Dying

It was eight years ago today that I laid down and went to sleep. I came very close to never awakening in this world again. It was too close and it changed me forever.

The first part of this blog is a warning. You never know what is going to happen until it happens. In the back of our mind, we secretly believe that when something is about to go wrong in our body, we will get some sort of mysterious premonition, a warning signal that something is about to go awry. While that often happens, it is not always the case. I had no premonition that there was a time bomb ticking in my head. It was a time bomb that had been there all of my life, silently ticking away for 49 years when suddenly without any warning whatsoever, it literally blew, flooding my brain with blood. 

I should have simply never awakened again. My husband should have found me dead in the morning or at the very least, suffering from severe brain-damage. That is what I was later told should have happened but that is not what happened. 

I cannot tell you why God did not stop this from happening in the first place. He could have, you know, but for reasons only known to Himself, He did not. What He did do, however, was prepare me for that moment. I should have been alone when this happened. My husband wasn't due back home for several hours but the gig he was working finished early. My son who had training as a first responder was supposed to be at a cast party but he decided he was tired and would come home instead. He arrived home just minutes before this happened, I am told. 

It happened on December 10th rather than on December 9th. We were hit by a blizzard on December 9th and everything had been shut down. By the evening of December 10th all of the main roads had been cleared which was a good thing as the best hospital for me to be taken to was about 16 miles away. 

I shocked the paramedics by suddenly speaking when they told my husband they were going to take me to the nearest hospital, a hospital which actually was not equipped to deal with what had happened to me (at this point no one knew what had happened). I'd had a hemorrhagic stroke caused by a ruptured brain aneurysm and had not spoken until that moment. I immediately demanded I be taken to another hospital with such authority that my husband said no one dared attempt to argue with me. On my way to the hospital, we passed the National Brain Aneurysm Center and one of the founding doctors who is the leading national expert on brain aneurysms just happened to be on staff at that hospital. In fact, he was the very man they called in. 

I could write a great deal more about this but you get the idea. Even as I lay dying, God was the God who goes before me, preparing the road before I traveled it. Nothing ever catches God by surprise, including brain "explosions". 

Remember that. When your world is turned upside down and falling apart, God has not been caught off-guard. He is not only with you, He has gone before you, preparing the road that you must travel. He not only knows the way; He knows how to bring you safely through.