This has been a very long week. Right before Thanksgiving, I went in for a routine mammogram. I didn't get the first message (which came on my birthday) because we weren't home. I actually got an email alert that test results could be viewed on my electronic medical chart. I'm glad this "mix-up" occured because the chart gave me a lot more information. This enabled me to be prepared me for what was to come when I went in for an ultrasound yesterday. I wasn't familiar with the term used to describe my tumor so I did what I tell my students to do when they don't understand something. I looked it up and did a bit of research. I learned that the type of tumor is almost always malignant. Not 100% of course but the probability of cancer was extremely high.
God was ready and waiting for me of course. I can already see that. He knew exactly how I would react. I wouldn't hide it and I would start seeking support immediately. God immediately began to bring amazing people across my path. These are people who have walked this path before, people who have walked with others along this path, prayer warriors, etc. They in turn are sharing with their friends (strangers to me) and it goes on and on. I'm completely awed by this.
I had my ultrasound yesterday. When the radiologist learned what I already knew, she was blunt with me. I appreciated that. "While it won't be 100% confirmed until you have the biopsy, in all honesty I have to tell you we are probably looking at cancer."
I recalled the words a friend had shared with me just the night before. She'd been healed of breast cancer 14 years ago but lost her husband to cancer five years ago. "Sometimes God's hand goes this way. Sometimes it goes that way. What you want to do is just make sure you're in his hand."
I know that's where I want to be. Another tough week of waiting lies ahead. There's 26 seven and eight year olds to teach. There's laundry to do, a house to clean, bills to pay, a husband, son, mother and brother to hold and tears to shed. No one ever said it was going to be easy... but how much more difficult things would be if I wasn't living in his hand.
"That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever."
Cor. 4:16-18 (NLT)
8/18/11--This blog is now part of a series entitled Walking With God In The Midst of Cancer