I've been spending a lot more time on my computer. I've been frequenting some of the various breast cancer discussion boards so that I can both learn more about breast cancer as well as lend support to others.
Early on the evening of February 4, a chilling cry of agony was posted from a 40 year-old woman in Australia. She was halfway through her treatment and just couldn't face it anymore. My heart was pierced even more when I realized that our situations are very similar. She also has what is now referred to as triple negative breast cancer. This means there aren't any drugs available to help prevent recurrence of cancer and the only medical option is chemotherapy and radiation. Unfortunately, recurrence of this type of cancer is extremely high within the first five years.
Within minutes, fellow breast cancer survivors from around the world were rushing to her aid offering their prayers and words of support. After 3 1/2 days, we heard the news. Her 17 year-old daughter had taken her to her treatment session. She admitted that she had kicked and screamed all of the way. Things went much better this time and she shared that without the prayers and support of everyone, she could have never done it.
I was actually thinking about how important support is to every single one of us when "whack" I was hit from behind, unexpectedly.
The tears began to flow as I felt hopelessly overwhelmed by everything that has been happening to me as of late. I turned to the Word, but the despair overwhelmed me and my eyes were completely blinded by the tears. I cried out to the Lord. I found myself raging at him. I didn't want words, I wanted to be held! I wanted to feel his arms around me. I wanted him to pat me and tell me I'd be fine. I wanted him look up and see him standing there telling me he'd carry me away from everything and I wouldn't have to do this if I didn't want too.
The tears slowly subsided. I didn't see any visions. There weren't any thunderbolts or earthquakes. However, the assurance that God was indeed with me slowly spread over my whole being. I am not by any means abandoned and I never will be.
I returned to the passage I had been trying to read. While the whole passage is excellent (of course) some portions jumped out at me which I wanted to post and share:
20 I will never forget this awful time,
as I grieve over my loss.
21 Yet I still dare to hope
when I remember this:
22 The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
His mercies never cease.
23 Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning.
24 I say to myself, "The Lord is my inheritance;
therefore, I will hope in him!"
25 The Lord is good to those who depend on him,
to those who search for him.
26 So it is good to wait quietly
for salvation from the Lord.
Lamentations 3:20-26 (NLT)
31 For no one is abandoned
by the Lord forever.
32 Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion
because of the greatness of his unfailing love.
33 For he does not enjoy hurting people
or causing them sorrow.
Lamentations 3:31-33 (NLT)
55 But I called on your name, Lord,
from deep within the pit.
56 You heard me when I cried, "Listen to my pleading!
Hear my cry for help!"
57 Yes, you came when I called;
you told me, "Do not fear."
Lamentations 3: 55-57 (NLT)
Truly we can put our hope in God, even in the midst of the storm, even if you feel like you're drowning. Great is the faithfulness of the Lord! May we all be witnesses of what God has done in our lives that everyone around us may come to have life and have it more abundantly!
*8/18/11--This blog is now part of a series entitled Walking With God In The Midst of Cancer