In my night of dark despair
Jesus heard and answered prayer
Now I'm walking free as air
Hand in hand with Jesus
Hand in hand we walk each day
Hand in hand along the way
Walking thus I cannot stray
Hand in hand with Jesus
This song through my childhood came to my mind early this morning as old feelings of fear and despair threatened to overwhelm me. In my time of distress, I cried out to the Lord in agony, "Why did you let me live?" Those here at CB who know my story, know that this was not an idle question for they are well aware of the fact that God snatched me from death a little over a year ago. People generally do not suffer a brain aneurysm rupture in their sleep and live to tell about it. I do so only by the mercy and grace of God.
As I battle against the secondary effects of that condition, I have been placed on a medical leave of absence for one year. Those who say it is easy to collect any sort of disability insurance have never had to do so. Navigating the process is a challenge; especially when one has short-term memory loss. I got my last paycheck on Friday...
In my distress I cried out to the Lord...
In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. Psalm 18: 6 (NIV)
And He heard my cry...
My confidence must not be in the things of man. It must not be in myself, in my employer, in disability insurance, my family, my friends, my church or any other thing. My confidence must be in Christ and Christ alone!
He has not brought me this far to abandon me out in the desert. God does not have to get the insurance company's approval nor the approval of anyone else for that matter in order to care for me. He is God and His authority overrules the authority of all others.
I wear a bracelet on my left hand almost continuously. I've worn the finish completely off. It was slipped onto my wrist on the evening of Friday, December 11, 2009 by a friend as I lay battling for my life in ICU. It is one of the very few memories I have of the time between December 11th and December 17th. Nearly all memories during that time were obliterated but this was one of the memories which survived (although I thought she came on Wednesday, December 16th, LOL).
I am remembering right now how out of the "nothingness", I was suddenly aware of my friend Donna standing beside my bed. My husband had slipped her and her husband in to see me. She was speaking to me but the words had no meaning. Then, she slipped the bracelet onto my left wrist. I looked at it and the words upon it burned in my heart. I could read and understand the words. The words were the very Word of God taken from Proverbs 3:5... Trust in the Lord!
I got my last paycheck on Friday... but through a series of events, God has provided me with nearly one month's salary... in advance, for April. Not through the work of insurance companies but from His very own hands. The very hands I am clinging to as I walk down this road, hand in hand with Jesus.
You O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. Ps. 18:28
We hold you in our prayers, especially that you hold your Trust in His Will, and your Joy and Peace in His Love. Moments before I opened CB I was reading these words in a well-written book by Jack and Cornelia Addington called the Joy of Meditation--it may be Universalist, I haven't researched or finished it:
Let go and let God means to let go of the past with all of its sorrows and frustrations. It means to let go of all feelings of anxiety and limitation and let the Almighty Power of God express through us with zest and enthusiasm. It means to go within and find our Power, but having found our guidance, we are supposed to take the necessary human footsteps, as inspired from within, as we let God bring about the manifestation of our goal through us.
Sometimes I am concerned, even appalled, that believers cannot more closely agree in our understanding and expression of God and His Revelation. Yet how much better our lives are through our efforts to understand and follow His Word.
God bless you, thanks again for so many inspiring blogs.
Sister K, yes the days ahead may be difficult but the Lord will walk with you. He promises to be with His children, that He will not fail them or forsake them. In times like this, stand still and see the salvation of God. He has come through for me before and He will do the same for you.
Turn your eyes upon Jesus moment by moment, day by day, week by week and you will surprised that the journey moves in step and in line with His will.
Thanks for sharing . I will remember you in my prayers. Be strong and courageous for the Lord our God is with you.
From Hwa Silverpen