As I read a blog by Kirk M (@Blessings2you) entitled The Ebb and Flow of the Christian Life, my eyes fell upon a verse written upon a pink square of paper taped to my computer monitor. The verse says:
But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more!- Psalm 71:14
I wrote those words down when I was in a battle for my life. I had been diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer and was undergoing dose-dense chemotherapy. Most breast cancer patients take drugs like Tamoxafin or Herceptin for five years after their diagnosis. I would be taking nothing for the simple reason that they are useless against triple negative breast cancer. That's the bad news. I would not be taking these power drugs to prevent cancer recurrence. It was also the good news for these drugs can have horrible side-effects and if they stop working, cancer can still return.
On December 3, 2012 it will be five years since I learned about my tumor. During that time I have been "sliced, diced, pickled and fried" (surgery, chemo and radiation). I've nearly lost my life in my sleep and now have titanium in my head to prevent another leak. I have had to deal with memory issues and other side-effects and lost my career as a teacher as a result. In many respects my life as well as my husband's is very different than it was nearly five years ago and yet...God is still the God of Hope!
Will I ever battle cancer again? To tell you the truth, I don't know. Ironically, while my odds of recurrence were higher within the first three years, after three years my odds are actually lower than that of women who are on the drugs I mentioned. Still, the possibility of recurrence is never far from a cancer survivor's mind.
What I do know is this. Regardless of what battles I face in this world and even whether I live or die, I have hope because of Jesus Christ. The chapter might not end the way I hope but then I must remember, the story has not yet ended. Truly He is the God of Hope!
[quote]I will always have hope[/quote]
It's that 'always' that I find interesting. It implies never losing hope, having complete trust. A word search on 'hope' would no doubt benefit me too. The walk is full of challenges but the rewards are worth waiting for!kbird